I am developing non-alterable "laws" that dictate my clubbing experience:
1) I am invisible, so most of the women will not look in my direction
2) The WEIRDEST or homeliest girl in the club will always hit on me
3) I will spend most of the night eyeing one chick and be too afraid to talk to her
4) After three hours I will get the nerve to talk to her and then she will be straight
5) At the end of the night I will go home alone, drunk, and my hamster will squeak loudly at me as I stumble against the closet door and take my boots off.
So I was on the dancefloor and this chick that looked like WHISTLER'S MOTHER came up and danced with me, along with some other chick that was a 47 year old midget biker butch with a mullet. (Yes I bullshit you not, I am 5'2 and the chick like came up below my shoulder). So Whistler's Mother had on a brown cardigan, white tights with some orange knee length skirt, and SPECTACLES. She told me she thought I was cute and that my moves were really sexy (I was doing my cage dancing moves.)
We danced for a while and I thought hey, she might look funny but she seems like a cool chick. Then a rap song came on that kept saying, "I got me a wife, but I need someone on the side." So since my life always has an excellent soundtrack and is in fact a badly directed movie tthe following happened:
"I got me a wife" (Whistler's mother kisses the midget butch)
"But I need someone on the side..." (She puts her arm around me and straddles my thigh).
"Don't worry, me and my girlfriend have an open relationship." She said, winking. I threw her arm off me and glared at her. "I need to find my friend, she owes me a drink" I said. I ditched her and her midget biker butch girlfriend on the floor. The bartender seeing my utter disappointment in women, started flirting with me and gave me free drinks.
Then I started dancing with this BEAUTIFUL half Cuban half white chick and she totally seemed like she was flirting with me, she kept putting her hands on my shoulders when we'd walk around the club and stuff. But then we went out for air and got to talking and I thought, "She's cute, funny, nice, and smells good. Well, that makes her straight." And so she was. But we exchanged numbers to go clubbing again. She's cool.
My friend Josie ditched me to go home with some woman and some man who was with her, and I was worried she could be raped and forced into a threesome...well apparently everything is ok because her away message looks very chipper, apparently she got laid.
God whatever. I realized last night that all of the things I learned at the 18+ club I clubbed at for three years do not apply with the big girls. I have to relearn everything all over again. I have to be tougher. And yeah, I am lonely, but I guess I don't have to figure out all about how to play this game right now, I guess I can wait a few years. But you know me, never mind all that, I am the young, impatient, hot-headed Bionic Femme.
And it feels like this cycle will last forever.
1) I am invisible, so most of the women will not look in my direction
2) The WEIRDEST or homeliest girl in the club will always hit on me
3) I will spend most of the night eyeing one chick and be too afraid to talk to her
4) After three hours I will get the nerve to talk to her and then she will be straight
5) At the end of the night I will go home alone, drunk, and my hamster will squeak loudly at me as I stumble against the closet door and take my boots off.
So I was on the dancefloor and this chick that looked like WHISTLER'S MOTHER came up and danced with me, along with some other chick that was a 47 year old midget biker butch with a mullet. (Yes I bullshit you not, I am 5'2 and the chick like came up below my shoulder). So Whistler's Mother had on a brown cardigan, white tights with some orange knee length skirt, and SPECTACLES. She told me she thought I was cute and that my moves were really sexy (I was doing my cage dancing moves.)
We danced for a while and I thought hey, she might look funny but she seems like a cool chick. Then a rap song came on that kept saying, "I got me a wife, but I need someone on the side." So since my life always has an excellent soundtrack and is in fact a badly directed movie tthe following happened:
"I got me a wife" (Whistler's mother kisses the midget butch)
"But I need someone on the side..." (She puts her arm around me and straddles my thigh).
"Don't worry, me and my girlfriend have an open relationship." She said, winking. I threw her arm off me and glared at her. "I need to find my friend, she owes me a drink" I said. I ditched her and her midget biker butch girlfriend on the floor. The bartender seeing my utter disappointment in women, started flirting with me and gave me free drinks.
Then I started dancing with this BEAUTIFUL half Cuban half white chick and she totally seemed like she was flirting with me, she kept putting her hands on my shoulders when we'd walk around the club and stuff. But then we went out for air and got to talking and I thought, "She's cute, funny, nice, and smells good. Well, that makes her straight." And so she was. But we exchanged numbers to go clubbing again. She's cool.
My friend Josie ditched me to go home with some woman and some man who was with her, and I was worried she could be raped and forced into a threesome...well apparently everything is ok because her away message looks very chipper, apparently she got laid.
God whatever. I realized last night that all of the things I learned at the 18+ club I clubbed at for three years do not apply with the big girls. I have to relearn everything all over again. I have to be tougher. And yeah, I am lonely, but I guess I don't have to figure out all about how to play this game right now, I guess I can wait a few years. But you know me, never mind all that, I am the young, impatient, hot-headed Bionic Femme.
And it feels like this cycle will last forever.
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
Also you're hella cute and it's shocking to me that you don't get laid each and every night.
AS