billyfivecrows

This evening I get an email that says she's internalized the love, made a space in her heart for what we had, what we lost, and what never was. She understands, finally, that we have different ways of seeing and being in world that don't quite mesh, and that an autonomy of heart is best for this relationship, which has become a friendship of mutual respect and polite trust. My wording.

Her wording was simple and honest. Direct and sincere.

It's what I've been waiting to hear, the point I've wanted to reach for six months now. No need for fighting. Two intelligent, loving people shouldn't go down that road.

After almost a year of alternating between bitter-sweet ache, brutal resentment, and despondent limbo, I feel free.

It's over.

*

Strange place in my life.

I don't know when or even -if- Tulsa is coming through.

To beat a dead horse: Nothing's really keeping me here.

Estrangement from most of my family has turned into polite modalities of impatience and avoidance.

I was nervous about wrapping up and shipping the large paintings and sculptures, but they'll be fine. Bubble wrap. Blankets. Makeshift crates.

The only thing that would keep me here is if I fell madly in love or found really sweet gallery representation. Both would be nice...


But if Tulsa falls through, no biggie.

I can make life anywhere.


I'm happy and content


Nowhere


Now here.