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Hey, how are things?
I've been swinging moods greatly recently, from up on high to down in the dumps. Has made for some interesting writing that's for sure!

What is this picture? I've never seen it before. It's very interesting.

SIR cliff, no less *nods* and hank marvin - great guitar player, i don't care how uncool it is to say so. how grow things in your mediaeval herb garden, neebor?

what was the outcome of the session with the psychologist? did it help at all, even if only temporarily? what's the root of your depression? is it just...there?

i worry so much about my own state of mind. i try to decide if it's worse now than it was when i was adolescent, but i'm just not sure. i look to the future and it worries me; "i see a darkness", so to speak. i really feel my nihilism is congenital, and if so, fine; if that's my natural state, so be it. i don't particularly dislike myself. but i would like to be at ease with my design, at least.

the catch-22 of depression is that it thrives on inactivity - and the effect of depression is torpor. so you can't win. or can you? people make it thru to the other side every day, i imagine.

wonderful painting, by the way. i like how the man and the bull contemplate each other.

me and grace? we're getting on really well. miraculously, the relationship hasn't ended in animosity. she seems happier now, which in turn makes me feel better. i'm lucky to still have her as a friend after how much of a headfuck i seemed to be... my poem the aspects is about her/us, but it's retrospective. my most recent stuff (possession, for example) is about another major female of my life, my great unrequiting; the "un" part seems to be fading now and it's a real challenge, emotionally. there's a lot at stake, primarily a very special friendship... keep watching the upc for updates on that! ha.

astrology fascinates me because i tend to reject most mysticism/spiritualism but i can't ignore that the zodiac's description of a pisces is basically an exact definition of my personality. and it's also true that geminis are a fucking nightmare. ha. the way i see it is - of course the time of year of your birth is going to affect/define your personality. i don't know if it's anything to do with the planets, but i don't underestimate the elements.

it does sound like we're in the same boat. and we're singing the same sad shanty. heh. it's hard to go easy on yourself, i find; maybe it's our generation, which is without a "cause"... i just won't allow myself any special dispensation because of "the way i am". hmm. but maybe i should. and you should too.

"peace"

I missed this entry?

that's so beautiful that you've published a book of poems without the intention of earning money. that just makes me happy. I will buy one soon.

How are you doing today?

well that was just. . . brilliant. good stuff.

medieval herb garden sounds good after all.

things here are odd, but not completely without hope - things are a bit hewn out of shape with the relationship, and with her (emotionally speaking, she's in a pretty deep, severe depression which i think is affecting a lot of her, shall we say, decision making). sometime sthe 'it's not you, it's me' cliche really turns out to be true - poor thing. . . i'm not saying things are exactly working out, but they're certainly not unsalvageable, i think she just needs. . . time, and some really good therapy.

that and not to listen to the advices of people there who've made no secret of not liking me, and who would take advantage of her emotional state. you know?

i just have to continue to be supportive, whatever happens, in spite of my own wants and needs. . . such is my habit.

Another story please sir.

A cool part of living in UK is you have medieval herb gardens, and bats and hedgehogs in them.

I laughed

Thanks a lot for your comment, I'm trying to just ignore it and hope it goes away while I keep busy (helping my boyfriend move and desperately trying to get back on top of uni work, eep). Just out of interest, is this how you came to decide that Christanity was right for you? I think it was during my bouts of insomnia etc that I decided that paganism made more sense to me than anything else...and even that's pretty disjointed when I piece my beliefs together...

xxx

I thought I would share this with you.
I was dreaming and during the dream I began to weep uncontrollably. People were watching as I cried, the pain was so real, pain from somewhere deep within my soul. In the dream I heard a voice say to me; this is something that only god can cure.

Don't marry her, marry me...

Meanie!

She has the most amazing figure!

on a completely unrelated note, if you were to try to introduce someone to Tom Waits' music, would you start with a compilation of your favorite songs or would you give them a full album? i was just thinking of giving her a copy of rain dogs but then i thought it might go better if i eased her into it...

The Bhagavad Gita, first time I have read that .... then again I am not the most knowledgable person either.

"It's a fucking mess compared to what it was around the time we joined."

amen to that.

man, i just noticed you're a member of the Ballet group. heh.

"oi oi", get on messenger if ya can, i'm looking at your book...

I don't believe so - but then I'm not down with this interwebbing speak any more!

Are you sure?