"Sitting here wishing on a cement floor
Just wishing that I had just something you wore
I put it on when I go lonely
Will you take off your dress and send it to Me?"
As my grandma used to say: I'm lonesome.
Maybe not lonesome enough to crossdress if some chick sent me something ...but hell, who knows? If I had the hots for her and the dress was cool enough...style and temperature wise, I might consider it.
*
"Sitting here wishing on a cement floor,
Just wishing that I had just something you wore.
So run outside in the desert heat
Make your dress all wet and send it to me"
Is it hot where you are? ...man its hot here...
High nineties. Sticky, thick, cloying humidity. Heat index well over a hundred.
"Code:RED" smog alert...dangerous for EVERYBODY, not just those with breathing problems. Sickly greenish-grey haze all over everything. It IS the air and sky. Seems like even the people and buildings are made of pollution. Went on a brief trip to grocery. Took a breath, and couldn't. You just can't.
Looks like rain's coming. And I don't mean me.
Thank G*d.
Maybe we'll get some relief.
(Pygmy...forget what I said about liking being in the city.
Today at least, I wish I was still out in the sticks.)
*
"I miss your soup and I miss your bread
And a letter in your writing doesn't mean you're not dead.
So spill your breakfast, and drink your wine
Just wear that dress when you dine, dine, dine..."
The ex- is still bustin' my balls via e-mail. Okay. We're both spiritual people: living meditation, exploring past lives and higher realms, energy work, etc. and you name it...but she's telling me I HAVE to wait at least nine months before I can be with anybody else because "we're still connected" and "our higher selves want it that way" and "it would be bad for us on so many levels to have relationships or even sex with someone else for at least nine months OR LONGER"!!!
Okay. I'm spirit and heart centered. Not only do I dig this stuff, but I KNOW it. But this is going a bit too far.
I'm thinkin':
"Bitchareyououtofyourgoddamnmotherfuckingmind!?!?ThisisMYgodamnmotherfuckingbodyanddon'tyougoddamn
DAREtellmewhattogoddamnmotherfuckingdowithit!!!!!"
And I've told her this. Several times. Nicely and not. But she still keeps it up.
We've been broken up for 4 months now. I've been completely single. If I want to wait, I will. If I don't...then I wont. My body, my choice. I swear, she's like the spiritual equivalent of a "Right to Life-er". It's my body, my heart, my mind and soul...don't tell we what to do with it.
I severed communication.
Man I'm pist.
Anybody wanna screw? *huff fume fume huff*
(Actually...I miss her fresh thyme and veggie stirfry. Seasoned brown rice...mmmmmm....
I miss alot of things about her. But the things I don't outweigh those by a considerable amount.)
*
"Sitting here wishing on a cement floor
Just wishing that I had just something you wore
So bloody your hand on a cactus tree
Wipe it on your dress and send it to me..."
VERY animal today and lately. Musky scent and oily fur. Teeth are sharp and gnash at nothing and everything. Jaw is strong and somewhat unhinged firm and flapping, falling open...closing *snap*. Olfactory sense through the roof: I can smell EVERYTHING...the differences in types of metal, animals that pass by, food from blocks away...people; their moods make different scents that spiral from fontanel outward to form localized cloud; dissipating and changing. Blood, I can smell. Menstrual especially. I don't mind, I kinda like it. Some of you have post full moon cycles.
Communication? Lately, so much thought is instinct. Wordless. Action (thought in and as...)
I grunt and whisper alot. Or yell and growl.
I still type pretty good.
So that's nice....
anywhoo....
How are you, my dear ones?
I'm pretty good, despite the above..or because of it! Heh!
*
In my pics. there's a new set of self portraits that I took this morning.
They about sum up my current mood(s).
Moods are fine...temporary.
As long as they don't become modes.
Maybe I WILL go to Paris.....
-rain
Just wishing that I had just something you wore
I put it on when I go lonely
Will you take off your dress and send it to Me?"
As my grandma used to say: I'm lonesome.
Maybe not lonesome enough to crossdress if some chick sent me something ...but hell, who knows? If I had the hots for her and the dress was cool enough...style and temperature wise, I might consider it.
*
"Sitting here wishing on a cement floor,
Just wishing that I had just something you wore.
So run outside in the desert heat
Make your dress all wet and send it to me"
Is it hot where you are? ...man its hot here...
High nineties. Sticky, thick, cloying humidity. Heat index well over a hundred.
"Code:RED" smog alert...dangerous for EVERYBODY, not just those with breathing problems. Sickly greenish-grey haze all over everything. It IS the air and sky. Seems like even the people and buildings are made of pollution. Went on a brief trip to grocery. Took a breath, and couldn't. You just can't.
Looks like rain's coming. And I don't mean me.
Thank G*d.
Maybe we'll get some relief.
(Pygmy...forget what I said about liking being in the city.
Today at least, I wish I was still out in the sticks.)
*
"I miss your soup and I miss your bread
And a letter in your writing doesn't mean you're not dead.
So spill your breakfast, and drink your wine
Just wear that dress when you dine, dine, dine..."
The ex- is still bustin' my balls via e-mail. Okay. We're both spiritual people: living meditation, exploring past lives and higher realms, energy work, etc. and you name it...but she's telling me I HAVE to wait at least nine months before I can be with anybody else because "we're still connected" and "our higher selves want it that way" and "it would be bad for us on so many levels to have relationships or even sex with someone else for at least nine months OR LONGER"!!!
Okay. I'm spirit and heart centered. Not only do I dig this stuff, but I KNOW it. But this is going a bit too far.
I'm thinkin':
"Bitchareyououtofyourgoddamnmotherfuckingmind!?!?ThisisMYgodamnmotherfuckingbodyanddon'tyougoddamn
DAREtellmewhattogoddamnmotherfuckingdowithit!!!!!"
And I've told her this. Several times. Nicely and not. But she still keeps it up.
We've been broken up for 4 months now. I've been completely single. If I want to wait, I will. If I don't...then I wont. My body, my choice. I swear, she's like the spiritual equivalent of a "Right to Life-er". It's my body, my heart, my mind and soul...don't tell we what to do with it.
I severed communication.
Man I'm pist.
Anybody wanna screw? *huff fume fume huff*
(Actually...I miss her fresh thyme and veggie stirfry. Seasoned brown rice...mmmmmm....
I miss alot of things about her. But the things I don't outweigh those by a considerable amount.)
*
"Sitting here wishing on a cement floor
Just wishing that I had just something you wore
So bloody your hand on a cactus tree
Wipe it on your dress and send it to me..."
VERY animal today and lately. Musky scent and oily fur. Teeth are sharp and gnash at nothing and everything. Jaw is strong and somewhat unhinged firm and flapping, falling open...closing *snap*. Olfactory sense through the roof: I can smell EVERYTHING...the differences in types of metal, animals that pass by, food from blocks away...people; their moods make different scents that spiral from fontanel outward to form localized cloud; dissipating and changing. Blood, I can smell. Menstrual especially. I don't mind, I kinda like it. Some of you have post full moon cycles.
Communication? Lately, so much thought is instinct. Wordless. Action (thought in and as...)
I grunt and whisper alot. Or yell and growl.
I still type pretty good.
So that's nice....
anywhoo....
How are you, my dear ones?
I'm pretty good, despite the above..or because of it! Heh!
*
In my pics. there's a new set of self portraits that I took this morning.
They about sum up my current mood(s).
Moods are fine...temporary.
As long as they don't become modes.
Maybe I WILL go to Paris.....
-rain
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
That's tough. I've known people like that. It is stifling. I can't handle people that view everyone they encounter as extentions of their selves. My mom was like that.
I've been through a few "thaws" myself, I know what it's like.. Liberating but frustrating, a lot of bouncing between extremes. No wonder you like abstract expressionism so much
Reminds me how lucky I am: Jason is so supportive. He's less than a year younger than you, but he's definitely not stuck in his ways like that, and he respects that and gives me space. Even silly little things like understanding why I flirt on here (I never really had a chance to do that kind of thing). I help him explore too, and we're constantly exploring together. You know, it's amazing how much having someone you can be totally honest with allows you to be so much more honest with yourself.
I hope you find the same for yourself some day. I'm glad you've decided to move on, you deserve to have that kind of freedom.
Take care
Just wanted to say that I appreciate any guy that realises that getting hit on all the time is not a pretty girl's idea of fun..
MUCH better to wait and have the pretty girl hit on you