Breast between thumbs, certain
To be numb given time and
Novacaine from Chronos. If I
Were in right mind I might
Erase that last line, but here is
The palm read, the redhead
And the silver lifeline, ugly
Time sewn with thorn and thread
Into a shirt for Jesus and a spread
For the bed, it's warm. Carpentry
With an icepick. Cold wine; make mine
Simple: Do not ferment the tears
Of a gentle man. Do not hand to hand.
Do place the feet of the beloved
Into rivers of karma (I'd erase that line
As well, karma being a bet with a beast
Who doesn't know the word 'dirty'. It's
Pretty in here. The curtains wrote your
Face in dust, the crust misspelled,
But I know your name. Fifty miles
Large and a delicate corsage
Of innocence and mind. Heart
To heart, we stood tall
And toppled over
Into bliss, but there are others waiting.
There are others waiting.
The wrapping of the body.
The green betrayed.
The gold delayed.
There are others waiting.
Signpost soft.
I cough and roll another...)
improv. 1.49-1.55 am.
***
I spent the last four days and nights with my -ex.
We'd met and spent a couple of nights together a couple of weeks ago, ironed out our differences, realized that our differences were mostly misunderstandings of where the other was coming from. Much ego posturing to facillitate a seperation to foster growth. Neither of us are the same as we were 9 months ago. So much change.
She e-mails and asks if she can come to see me and the cat. Sure! We lived and loved and talked. Watched movies, read books, made love. It was very nice, and felt good, but the difference is an autonomy that wasn't there before. No clinging or projecting, just Being. The good parts of the relationship are stronger, and the bad stuff has gone *poof* into thin air with some work. Honest communication.
So, today, four days later, she goes back home. Her son and his wife had a baby early last week, they need her help, and she wants to spend some time alone at the farm before she goes back to their house to give them a hand.
We parted easily and effortlessly. There seems to be a freedom in this that I can't quite put my finger on.
I Don't Know. IDK. Ram Dass praises the wisdom of "I Don't Know"...that means at that point, life could become anything, and that's the beauty of IDK.
We both feel a bit lost and confused. We don't know what we have, now, and we are hesitant to try to name it.
The lost feeling is admittedly blissful for us both. Odd.
Such a warm feeling. Our truer selves meeting and melding, but no clear definition of the relationship.
Am I single? IDK...
Am I double? IDK...
And not knowing is the Right feeling. It makes sense.
And how on earth couldthat make sense?
IDK.
But it does...
To be numb given time and
Novacaine from Chronos. If I
Were in right mind I might
Erase that last line, but here is
The palm read, the redhead
And the silver lifeline, ugly
Time sewn with thorn and thread
Into a shirt for Jesus and a spread
For the bed, it's warm. Carpentry
With an icepick. Cold wine; make mine
Simple: Do not ferment the tears
Of a gentle man. Do not hand to hand.
Do place the feet of the beloved
Into rivers of karma (I'd erase that line
As well, karma being a bet with a beast
Who doesn't know the word 'dirty'. It's
Pretty in here. The curtains wrote your
Face in dust, the crust misspelled,
But I know your name. Fifty miles
Large and a delicate corsage
Of innocence and mind. Heart
To heart, we stood tall
And toppled over
Into bliss, but there are others waiting.
There are others waiting.
The wrapping of the body.
The green betrayed.
The gold delayed.
There are others waiting.
Signpost soft.
I cough and roll another...)
improv. 1.49-1.55 am.
***
I spent the last four days and nights with my -ex.
We'd met and spent a couple of nights together a couple of weeks ago, ironed out our differences, realized that our differences were mostly misunderstandings of where the other was coming from. Much ego posturing to facillitate a seperation to foster growth. Neither of us are the same as we were 9 months ago. So much change.
She e-mails and asks if she can come to see me and the cat. Sure! We lived and loved and talked. Watched movies, read books, made love. It was very nice, and felt good, but the difference is an autonomy that wasn't there before. No clinging or projecting, just Being. The good parts of the relationship are stronger, and the bad stuff has gone *poof* into thin air with some work. Honest communication.
So, today, four days later, she goes back home. Her son and his wife had a baby early last week, they need her help, and she wants to spend some time alone at the farm before she goes back to their house to give them a hand.
We parted easily and effortlessly. There seems to be a freedom in this that I can't quite put my finger on.
I Don't Know. IDK. Ram Dass praises the wisdom of "I Don't Know"...that means at that point, life could become anything, and that's the beauty of IDK.
We both feel a bit lost and confused. We don't know what we have, now, and we are hesitant to try to name it.
The lost feeling is admittedly blissful for us both. Odd.
Such a warm feeling. Our truer selves meeting and melding, but no clear definition of the relationship.
Am I single? IDK...
Am I double? IDK...
And not knowing is the Right feeling. It makes sense.
And how on earth couldthat make sense?
IDK.
But it does...
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
that I don't know...
And its comforting to know
that the world can still be serendipitous....
because there are things i don't know...
there is an extra sense of connectivity in your improv...
Oh crivvens - my love life! *groan, groan* and treble *groan*. I've no idea what's going on, and not in the good way that you've got just now. I sent her a wee present for Halloween (her favourite day of the year) and I haven't heard from her since. I put it partly down to her uncle dying a few days before Halloween, which she told me about in a brief e-mail. But even before that I hadn't heard from her in what felt to me like far too long. And I'm just plain dying now - withering like an unwatered house-plant. She's always very busy, with stuff she mostly doesn't tell me about, and she's very involved with/ attached to her family - she lives with her parents and brother (and she's the same age as me, by the way) - so, I don't know what to think about her silences. She gets morose sometimes, like me, and doesn't like to communicate with anyone, even friends, so that's maybe what she's feeling now. It's so frustrating. I just want to see her and talk to her, and get straight how we feel about each other. I'm thinking about asking her to meet me in Glasgow but I'm terrified she'll say "Naaahhhh". I'm still not at all sure she feels about me the way I feel about her. I think she feels the same way, but is just a mysterious, shy creature by nature. But *shrug*, or IDK, as you say. Mixed signals aplenty. Actually, reading this back, it doesn't even sound like she likes me in that way at all. The one case is as likely as the other.
My poor heart
I.