I consider it my mission to meet and exceed your temporary staffing needs. No..it is my *lifes purpose* to meet and exceed your temporary staffing needs. Need a six fingered typist? A gardener with two hearts so he or can she can do the work of three men for the cost of one? What? Do you need someone that will work so cheaply youll be asking yourself, Didnt Lincoln free the slaves?? I can do that. Anything you want, I can do it. Just tell me, if your needs seem so ridiculous, so impossible they embarrass you then come a little closer and whisper them in my ear--Ill make your wildest temporary staffing fantasies come true
In the middle of looking for pictures of Samantha Morton on the Net, my supervisor called me into her office. I knew the score, it was bound to be the same song and dance. Her office has a window facing the main room with battered Venetian blinds. They were drawn when I walked up, never a good sign. I knocked, got a sharp reply and nervously walked in. Sad metal desk. Commendations on the wall, a couple from the Mayor. Plain metal placard on the front of her desk reading Captain Smith.
Shut the door, Jody, she said sternly, giving me as hard a look as she could manage.
Whats up, Captain?
More like whats down, whats going down with you, she was standing up now, leaning over her desk a little. Will you tell me what was going on in your mind when you harassed that citizen this morning?
Citizen? You mean Fricoine?
Yes, Fricoine, who happens to be a citizen with rights who can sue this department if we dont go by-the-book!
Fricoines dirty, you know it, I know it. He and the other punks, selling their junk on the street, Im going to take him down, Captain, whether you like it or not!
By the book, damn it, or youre suspended with out pay.
My boss looked at me expectantly across her desk.
Did you inform the company how much they can be expected to pay?
Yes.
Did you remember to give them the after hours number?
Uh, nosorry.
By the book, Jody, she sighed. Indenture Temps didnt get to be number one in this city for nothing. We have rules, guidelines, steps we take with each and every client to ensure they are a happy client and
The lecture lasted approximately two minutes eight seconds longer then I was allowed to return to my desk. Jim Morrison caught me in the hall. He was fat and bearded this time.
Youre a fuckin slave! He bellowed, pointing his microphone at me.
Knock it off, Jim. That shit wasnt funny in Miami and it isnt funny now.
I could smell the Bushmills creeping through his pores and blooming in his clothes like sad flowers.
Simply trying to cheer you up, Jody. When do you get off work, Ill buy you a taco.
Four hours thirty seven minutes.
Jim winced and shook his head, humming Love Her Madly for a few seconds.
Well, uh, I reckon Ill see ya then, he said in his Dumb Southerner voice.
Who were you talking to?
The Bird Lady, she was bringing back some files she borrowed.
A ghost. He offered to buy me a taco after work.
Thats nice.
Its always the same response, no matter what I say. Im doing well. Thats nice. I think Im getting a cold. Thats nice. I put a bunch of kittens in a paper sack and stomped them. Thats nice.
I didnt see Jim after work. Instead, I hung out with my friends, drank too much, and fell asleep watching Donnie Darko. Amazing movie. Braeden now knows I love her and doesnt seem too bothered by it. Its foolish, but I wanted to tell her as long as Ive known. I wish I could have done it for real, you know, be the first one to say what were both feeling butthings arent that way. As it was, I felt I had to tell her because theres no better way to explain why I cant talk to her about the men in her life. Now she understands. Hopefully we can still be friends now that Ive gone all sappy on her.
I walked to the post office and then to Jimbos for some grease. I felt disconnected from my body and nearly swooned walking under the freeway. I had to walk though, have to walk until tomorrow. Somehow I neglected to pay my insurance bill. I used to never do that--is it from drinking and doing drugs? Age? The beginning signs of Parkinsons? Just my getting less and less rigid? Jimbos was crowded and an Abba song was playing over the speakers. Fernando. I find myself looking at women and then feeling guilty. Should I stop? Feel guilty that is, I doubt I could stop looking at women.
The Styrofoam package played me a squeaky marching song as it pressed against my body with each step home. I had to run crossing one street; running made me feel old, a feeling I will be having more and more if I keep drinking like I did last night. Two beers. Three glasses of wine. One glass of champagne. One gin martini. We wont get into the cigaret I smoked.
Got a very kind note from Lauren. If memory serves, shes very petite and into vintage clothing. When I hung out with her a year and a half ago, she had a boyfriend from England or something like that. She should leave her email address sometime, she could leave it and Id erase it after jotting it down. Just a thought. I know I know, less thinking and more doing. Less dreamy and more walking out the door and facing the world.
I am your vehicle, baby. I am your magic man, I am your pusher, great God in heaven dont you know I can get you any temporary employee you desire? Need a gardener? Pepe is like Gregor Mendel with B.O. and a mustache. Okay, what is it with Mexican gardeners and that damn mariachi music? Its the young ones, too, the ones so young their mustaches are in training. You think theyd be listening to System of a Down or Linkin Park, something new and over amplified with the snare and kick drums mixed loud. Nope. Its all big hats and trumpets and those huge guitars. I dont get it, just like I dont get this country so
Lets leave. Well move to Portugal or Spain, maybe Dublin because they basically speak the same language. I want to leave the United States but I dont want to go alone. Id miss everyone I love terribly, but I really dont want to be here anymore. Think about it. Ill be making plans, checking logistics, crunching numbers. Speaking of--
Do you need any accountant? A spindly nebbish with a calculator for a brain that can compute your expenses, manage your payroll, and be trusted with petty cash? I can hook you up. You needs do compute with me, tax your brain no further. I am your source. I am the source of the Nile, I am meager strands of water breaking through the earth, trickling over rocks, and growing with distance and the majesty of gravity
Want more? Please write izaakd@prodigy.net
In the middle of looking for pictures of Samantha Morton on the Net, my supervisor called me into her office. I knew the score, it was bound to be the same song and dance. Her office has a window facing the main room with battered Venetian blinds. They were drawn when I walked up, never a good sign. I knocked, got a sharp reply and nervously walked in. Sad metal desk. Commendations on the wall, a couple from the Mayor. Plain metal placard on the front of her desk reading Captain Smith.
Shut the door, Jody, she said sternly, giving me as hard a look as she could manage.
Whats up, Captain?
More like whats down, whats going down with you, she was standing up now, leaning over her desk a little. Will you tell me what was going on in your mind when you harassed that citizen this morning?
Citizen? You mean Fricoine?
Yes, Fricoine, who happens to be a citizen with rights who can sue this department if we dont go by-the-book!
Fricoines dirty, you know it, I know it. He and the other punks, selling their junk on the street, Im going to take him down, Captain, whether you like it or not!
By the book, damn it, or youre suspended with out pay.
My boss looked at me expectantly across her desk.
Did you inform the company how much they can be expected to pay?
Yes.
Did you remember to give them the after hours number?
Uh, nosorry.
By the book, Jody, she sighed. Indenture Temps didnt get to be number one in this city for nothing. We have rules, guidelines, steps we take with each and every client to ensure they are a happy client and
The lecture lasted approximately two minutes eight seconds longer then I was allowed to return to my desk. Jim Morrison caught me in the hall. He was fat and bearded this time.
Youre a fuckin slave! He bellowed, pointing his microphone at me.
Knock it off, Jim. That shit wasnt funny in Miami and it isnt funny now.
I could smell the Bushmills creeping through his pores and blooming in his clothes like sad flowers.
Simply trying to cheer you up, Jody. When do you get off work, Ill buy you a taco.
Four hours thirty seven minutes.
Jim winced and shook his head, humming Love Her Madly for a few seconds.
Well, uh, I reckon Ill see ya then, he said in his Dumb Southerner voice.
Who were you talking to?
The Bird Lady, she was bringing back some files she borrowed.
A ghost. He offered to buy me a taco after work.
Thats nice.
Its always the same response, no matter what I say. Im doing well. Thats nice. I think Im getting a cold. Thats nice. I put a bunch of kittens in a paper sack and stomped them. Thats nice.
I didnt see Jim after work. Instead, I hung out with my friends, drank too much, and fell asleep watching Donnie Darko. Amazing movie. Braeden now knows I love her and doesnt seem too bothered by it. Its foolish, but I wanted to tell her as long as Ive known. I wish I could have done it for real, you know, be the first one to say what were both feeling butthings arent that way. As it was, I felt I had to tell her because theres no better way to explain why I cant talk to her about the men in her life. Now she understands. Hopefully we can still be friends now that Ive gone all sappy on her.
I walked to the post office and then to Jimbos for some grease. I felt disconnected from my body and nearly swooned walking under the freeway. I had to walk though, have to walk until tomorrow. Somehow I neglected to pay my insurance bill. I used to never do that--is it from drinking and doing drugs? Age? The beginning signs of Parkinsons? Just my getting less and less rigid? Jimbos was crowded and an Abba song was playing over the speakers. Fernando. I find myself looking at women and then feeling guilty. Should I stop? Feel guilty that is, I doubt I could stop looking at women.
The Styrofoam package played me a squeaky marching song as it pressed against my body with each step home. I had to run crossing one street; running made me feel old, a feeling I will be having more and more if I keep drinking like I did last night. Two beers. Three glasses of wine. One glass of champagne. One gin martini. We wont get into the cigaret I smoked.
Got a very kind note from Lauren. If memory serves, shes very petite and into vintage clothing. When I hung out with her a year and a half ago, she had a boyfriend from England or something like that. She should leave her email address sometime, she could leave it and Id erase it after jotting it down. Just a thought. I know I know, less thinking and more doing. Less dreamy and more walking out the door and facing the world.
I am your vehicle, baby. I am your magic man, I am your pusher, great God in heaven dont you know I can get you any temporary employee you desire? Need a gardener? Pepe is like Gregor Mendel with B.O. and a mustache. Okay, what is it with Mexican gardeners and that damn mariachi music? Its the young ones, too, the ones so young their mustaches are in training. You think theyd be listening to System of a Down or Linkin Park, something new and over amplified with the snare and kick drums mixed loud. Nope. Its all big hats and trumpets and those huge guitars. I dont get it, just like I dont get this country so
Lets leave. Well move to Portugal or Spain, maybe Dublin because they basically speak the same language. I want to leave the United States but I dont want to go alone. Id miss everyone I love terribly, but I really dont want to be here anymore. Think about it. Ill be making plans, checking logistics, crunching numbers. Speaking of--
Do you need any accountant? A spindly nebbish with a calculator for a brain that can compute your expenses, manage your payroll, and be trusted with petty cash? I can hook you up. You needs do compute with me, tax your brain no further. I am your source. I am the source of the Nile, I am meager strands of water breaking through the earth, trickling over rocks, and growing with distance and the majesty of gravity
Want more? Please write izaakd@prodigy.net
mistercash:
i was going to read all that, but TV made me stoopid. and it was entirely too long.