so i depart for the UK tonight.
preparations for my leaving have been made and i am in the required fucked up and hungover state that is always neccesary.
i met some crazy people last night;
stokes, the young kid in town, the big smoke for a girl and a fight.
miss t, the respectable and beautiful woman whose interests should definately not lie anywhere in the direction of myself or what i am doing.
bel, the bargirl from my past who unintentionally brought a part of me back and showed it for all to see.
and of course Paul the man who showed us his very big gun and the porn on his mobile.
all whilst in the amiamble company of faithful samwise and his sister pip, dan the party man, the amazing shell and the odd interloper.
and now a plane trip and a month in the UK.
here i come people
and there i go.
Z out.
preparations for my leaving have been made and i am in the required fucked up and hungover state that is always neccesary.
i met some crazy people last night;
stokes, the young kid in town, the big smoke for a girl and a fight.
miss t, the respectable and beautiful woman whose interests should definately not lie anywhere in the direction of myself or what i am doing.
bel, the bargirl from my past who unintentionally brought a part of me back and showed it for all to see.
and of course Paul the man who showed us his very big gun and the porn on his mobile.
all whilst in the amiamble company of faithful samwise and his sister pip, dan the party man, the amazing shell and the odd interloper.
and now a plane trip and a month in the UK.
here i come people
and there i go.
Z out.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
you've been in my thoughts too often.
i had a strange spiritual trip/experience on saturday night.
you where there.
it made me happy.
did you know i called you that?
the night i talked to the gods.
you were my king alexander.
they showed me you.
me engrossed in my champagne lucid dreaming overshadowed by caberet and dimly lit lighting.
breaks into the lightning and rain and my thoughts were solely focused on you.
wide open smiles and feminine movements.
they watched me.
and wondered what i was thinking about.
and i was thinking of you.
fast paced movements in the rain.
for some strange intuitive worry overcame me.
stay safe for me.
please take care.
i do worry so.
especially now.
and now.
in my deluded dreaming.
the words keep falling away.
and so.
over minutes
i just purely stare.
for it seems like there is not enough time to devour you.
i wished to tell you.
about saturday night.
from eleven pm to the early hours.
where they took my mind and showed me things.
i asked about you.
and they showed me you.
they showed me a infinite familiar past.
and for as long as i can remember.
i felt secure.
perhaps these words are to heavy.
i do not know.
and frankly, i do not care.
i give you freedom alexander.
to run.
fate played with my sanity.
and for once, i prefer to dismiss my rational mind to play with insanity.
for it is a far more beautiful world.
i was in the cab tonight.
and i was planning on writing you another letter. and scanning it. and posting it.
so you can see the deliberate slow way your name is formed.
and the rushed chaotic script you create.
i wanted you to see the way i write.
how when i write to you the words curl and link and flow.
and how different to the staccato masculine strokes of my daily handwriting differ to that.
god i worry now.
stupidly.
and furiously.
and selfishly.
please take care.
i've never seen you but i've seen.
i've never heard you but i've heard.
i've never felt you but i feel you.
you dont realise how unkowingly i worried this evening.
and now coming on here.
and seeing your hurt.
worries me.
bothers me.
and while i smile in sadistic amuesment at your potential pirate grin.
i dont know alexander.
i just want to talk to you and i can't.
i want to touch you and i cant.
i will.
but not now.
this insanity torments.
and please know.
no man ever glimpses what could be unveiled.
i fuck them to emphasize the borders, distinctions, opposites in my mind.
i'm stupidly vunerable.
my intelligence has betrayed me.
please, please, please take care.
enjoy yourself.
but look after that beautiful mind.
so my king.
enjoy england.
enjoy europe.
enjoy your wide and intoxicating muse.
always thinking of you.
and now perhaps,
always feeling you,
your insane queen,
pippa.
p.s
i keep touching the screen.
even though your not behind it.
reassurance.
[Edited on Jun 15, 2005 11:10PM]