Today is my wife, M.F.'s, 40th birthday!
The party that her family and I threw for her in Chicago was a rousing, and slightly drunken, success. Everyone got to eat a surfeit of Italian food, to drink a quite possibly criminal amount of Italian wine, and to hear her family and me deliver numerous affectionate toasts and speeches of devastating comedic effect.
There was one...
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The party that her family and I threw for her in Chicago was a rousing, and slightly drunken, success. Everyone got to eat a surfeit of Italian food, to drink a quite possibly criminal amount of Italian wine, and to hear her family and me deliver numerous affectionate toasts and speeches of devastating comedic effect.
There was one...
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VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
My wife, M.F., will be having her 40th birthday next week, and we will be having a large, and fairly drunken, party for her in Chicago this weekend. She is almost visibly quivering with anticipatory excitement, so my usual January mood (i.e., sardonic, dour, and lugubrious) is beginning to wear on her a bit.
Miffed by my manner, she scolded me this morning as follows:...
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Miffed by my manner, she scolded me this morning as follows:...
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ragefilledmuffin:
Sarcasm is always an effective answer--no matter what the situation. Sorry to hear about the evil pizza.
I guess the red streaks in hair is sort of a fad. I was sick of blond (and it was wreaking havoc on my hair), but was unwilling to go back to just my natural dark color. The red faded out fast. But I got a lot of compliments on it and will probably see about getting it done again. Maybe the uppity girls just didn't get the red streaks--or were jealous that they didn't have the ability to think for themselves.
I guess the red streaks in hair is sort of a fad. I was sick of blond (and it was wreaking havoc on my hair), but was unwilling to go back to just my natural dark color. The red faded out fast. But I got a lot of compliments on it and will probably see about getting it done again. Maybe the uppity girls just didn't get the red streaks--or were jealous that they didn't have the ability to think for themselves.
_tab:
Actually, being bored pretty much is my everyday life now :/
Last night, Fishfork and Birdcup (my cats) and I watched the film "Narayama Bushiko" (known as The Ballad of Narayama in the U.S.A.). The cats were mostly snoozing along on the couch because the film was subtitled (they say that they don't watch movies to read; if they wanted to read, they'd pull a book from the shelf), but I noticed that, every once in...
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melladoree:
souds good to me, maybe you should pitch it to the network!
inkncarrots:
Congrats on getting tenure! That is fabulous! Good job. 
I'm sorry that this is so long, but today, at work, I may have seen the most hysterical thing I have ever seen. Those of you who know me, which actually is none of you 
, know that the twin banes of my working life are Slobby Bobby and Bob the Bum.
Slobby Bobby, my office-mate, is a pig in our office and has the...
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, know that the twin banes of my working life are Slobby Bobby and Bob the Bum.
Slobby Bobby, my office-mate, is a pig in our office and has the...
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sarcasticmenace:
For me, it's a cornucopia of Mikes. Your story was funny..."The Tourette's Twosome." 
laine666:
wel, palpitate away, sir. i just lost my last prospect this evening and the road to a new seems very long indeed.
and the kids from the methadone clinic are my new friends! They exist solely for my entertainment!!!!
i wish they did. at least maybe then i could get laid!
and the kids from the methadone clinic are my new friends! They exist solely for my entertainment!!!!
i wish they did. at least maybe then i could get laid!
Yesterday evening, after a dinner out, my wife, M.F., and I were driving home along our town's main drag, a five lane street with a turn lane in its center, when a yokel in a truck pulled out from the left, entered that middle turn lane, and proceeded to drive next to us.
"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to drive up the turn lane,"...
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"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to drive up the turn lane,"...
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VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
btener11:
thanks for that comment on that thread you made me laugh my ass off. butcant figure out if you were defending or insulting me
ragefilledmuffin:
Ha ha--I'm always doing stuff like that and making myself the joke. Thank you for letting me know that mentho-caine exists--I'll have to give that a try.
Come to my town--people drive like that every day. "What -- the turn lane is only for left hand turns? Isn't it to like pass people too or to sit and wait while I contemplate my next move?" I hate driving here most of the time.
Come to my town--people drive like that every day. "What -- the turn lane is only for left hand turns? Isn't it to like pass people too or to sit and wait while I contemplate my next move?"
I hate driving here most of the time.I had yet another adventure in the bathroom at work today.
School hasn't started up yet, the students haven't returned, and so the library has been nearly deserted this week. As a result, I've been a little more carefree and relaxed at work. Just before lunch, I headed into the men's room, humming "Lullaby of Birdland" to myself. There didn't appear to be anyone else...
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School hasn't started up yet, the students haven't returned, and so the library has been nearly deserted this week. As a result, I've been a little more carefree and relaxed at work. Just before lunch, I headed into the men's room, humming "Lullaby of Birdland" to myself. There didn't appear to be anyone else...
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beatrice:
what can i say, i was happy that day. you should see my tonsils.
sicily:
i refuse to buy ugle boots that i'll only wear 3 days of my life. i'd rather pay a dumb whore to give me a piggyback ride
For Christmas, Mrs. 8, my mother, decided not to be too hurtfully insane this year and, instead of purchasing her usual batch of crazy oddments whose purpose of course is to illustrate in how little regard she holds my wife, M.F., she purchased a nice argyle sweater for her. Mrs. 8 had a bit of unexpected trouble in finding it, though.
While we were unwrapping...
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While we were unwrapping...
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witchdoctor:
Ah ha!! I get it... a little slow on the uptake I guess 
clara:
Haha! Kids, eh?
Whether M.F. and I still have sex is, of course, a matter of near universal interest on SG, and as a result of the many negative comments that I have made about the institution of marriage, the general consensus among the speculative is that the answer must surely be, "No!" I am sorry to say that the nay-sayers are correct in their supposition, though the...
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heatherann007:
I love that story. I would've been scarred for life, always thinking that the dog looked at me funny from that point on.
sicily:
hahahaha! 
If things don't improve for my poor, malfunctioning ass, today's entry may just be my SG swan song. I suppose I should say my good-byes now, for if I have another BM like the last one I am surely going to die.
M.F., my wife, has been on a trip to visit an old friend from college, and I have been fending for myself and...
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M.F., my wife, has been on a trip to visit an old friend from college, and I have been fending for myself and...
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heatherann007:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW!
When does your wife get back?... so your bowels can start functioning normally again...
When does your wife get back?... so your bowels can start functioning normally again...
beatrice:
yep, i totally didn't get that...
Today's journal entry is lifted from the Current Events "Kids are fucking stupid" thread:
"Emergency operation after school prank" from Yorkshire Post today
by Dave Mark
A 10-year-old boy almost lost a testicle when schoolmates copied a prank they had seen on a cartoon and pulled his trousers up as far as they could go.
Jack Watson had to have an emergency hour-long operation to...
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"Emergency operation after school prank" from Yorkshire Post today
by Dave Mark
A 10-year-old boy almost lost a testicle when schoolmates copied a prank they had seen on a cartoon and pulled his trousers up as far as they could go.
Jack Watson had to have an emergency hour-long operation to...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
buckknuckle:
So THATS how it's going to be... all right. I'll have you know, I need porn for at least 20 minutes at a time. I require foreplay.
Anyway, when I was 6 or 7 some neighborhood boys hung my friend and I by our underwear from their garage door for half an hour. Thankfully, my testicles are fine. And I'm glad my underoos were not tear away briefs otherwise I would have got a concusion.
Anyway, when I was 6 or 7 some neighborhood boys hung my friend and I by our underwear from their garage door for half an hour. Thankfully, my testicles are fine. And I'm glad my underoos were not tear away briefs otherwise I would have got a concusion.
thunderbunny:
Good to know there is another P1800 fan out there!
tbunny
tbunny
At work today, the Dean's Office decided to have an end-of-the-semester lunch for the pre-tenured faculty. Earlier this morning, my wife's colleague N. tried to tell her lesbi-partner V. about it as they were taking care of their morning ablutions and whatnot. The conversation apparently went something like this:
"So, we're having lunch with the pre-tenured faculty today," called N. from the bedroom.
"What?" called...
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"So, we're having lunch with the pre-tenured faculty today," called N. from the bedroom.
"What?" called...
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sicily:
AHAHAHHAHAHAHA! funny. hahahaha
pauillac:
Great minds think alike!
Damn it! What have you got to do nowadays to convince people you're unreliable?
For several years, I've been a member of a professional group whose initialism, if treated as an acronym, would be pronounced "anus" (I shit you not -- of course, the senior members only ever pronounce the initials because they're sticks in the mud, if you know what I mean), and for...
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For several years, I've been a member of a professional group whose initialism, if treated as an acronym, would be pronounced "anus" (I shit you not -- of course, the senior members only ever pronounce the initials because they're sticks in the mud, if you know what I mean), and for...
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_tab:
thats ok.Thank you
Happy birthday to your wife and congrats on the hot boobs err I mean boots.
you're funny. thought i'd drop by and say hello! let me know how those eyebrows turn out!
xox.