Okay here's a dilemma... If you have girl problems out there, raise your hand... I thought so! Here's my problem: It appears that I am a major fuck-up. I have been hanging out with this girl as friends for awhile. Originally, some friends of mine were trying to get us together, so I asked this girl to go out to dinner one night. I decided later that I wasn't interested in her or even attracted to her. She remained really interested in me, so one day I had to just tell her straight out that I wasn't into it. But good things still came out of it because we have become good friends. We hang out a few times a week and I usually don't care to share my time with too many people. But she is a wonderful exception, because she and I connect in a lot of different ways, and I feel like she understands me- few people do.
Lately, when we have been hanging out, I've had this strange urge to kiss her. I feel attracted to her at times- but only at times. Perhaps it is the alcohol speaking for me... but it could also be that I have somehow grown attracted to her...? I don't know.
So, last night, we had some stupid game going, and it got commpetative, so we discussed means of some sort of prize. She kept pushing for me to come up with something, and finally I said- If I win, you have to kiss me. (Stupid!) So fucking stupid. The evening really took a turn for the worse after that. She was really shocked that I would even ask her that, and we got into this big serious discussion about everything. She said she couldn't kiss me because it would fuck with her emotions too much... And I can understand that. Then she said I sent her mixed signals because she claimed that I flirted with her- which she responds to by flirting back. That shouldn't even be an issue! She also said she felt like taking a break from hanging out with me because she needs to sort things out! Why do girls always say things like that!
I tried to explain to her as best I could- Talking about things like this has never been one of my strongest points, so I don't know if she understood where I was coming from or not. But from the beginning, she wanted to establish right away whether we were going to be friends or more. I thought that was really stupid because I feel like it shouldn't be something that you discuss when you first meet somebody. It kind of ruins things. It sets unnecessary limitations and creates tension. So, I told her how I felt- at the time. But now, I almost feel differently about her, and she is really stuck on what I originally said about not wanting anything more than friendship. So, I tried to explain that I just want to take things as they come and see what happens. She didn't seem to understand.
So, she never kissed me and we drove home in silence. I feel really awful for even saying anything at the bar in the first place. I feel as if I have fucked everything up between us and things will never be the same again. She is important to me and the time we share together is one of my favorite ways to spend the day. I don't know what I want, and wish I had the guts to tell her that I feel like my feelings about our relationship are changing, but I don't understand where they are going quite yet. I don't want to pull her in a bunch of different directions or give her mixed signals or whatever. More than anything, I don't want her out of my life.
I hate that I am such an irresponsible asshole. I don't know what to do. I appoligized last night, and I don't know what else I can possibly say besides that. I have this gut feeling that she isn't going to speak to me, and if she does, things are just going to be weird and akward. Why am I so afraid of letting my guard down? Maybe I should have given her a chance in the first place. This is the first time I've felt like crying in a very long time. What the hell is my problem!! I always fuck up every good thing I have going... What would Gene Simmons do? What would you do? I don't like feeling like I have just lost a friend. I just want everything to be back to normal. It's my fault and I've ruined everything.
Lately, when we have been hanging out, I've had this strange urge to kiss her. I feel attracted to her at times- but only at times. Perhaps it is the alcohol speaking for me... but it could also be that I have somehow grown attracted to her...? I don't know.
So, last night, we had some stupid game going, and it got commpetative, so we discussed means of some sort of prize. She kept pushing for me to come up with something, and finally I said- If I win, you have to kiss me. (Stupid!) So fucking stupid. The evening really took a turn for the worse after that. She was really shocked that I would even ask her that, and we got into this big serious discussion about everything. She said she couldn't kiss me because it would fuck with her emotions too much... And I can understand that. Then she said I sent her mixed signals because she claimed that I flirted with her- which she responds to by flirting back. That shouldn't even be an issue! She also said she felt like taking a break from hanging out with me because she needs to sort things out! Why do girls always say things like that!
I tried to explain to her as best I could- Talking about things like this has never been one of my strongest points, so I don't know if she understood where I was coming from or not. But from the beginning, she wanted to establish right away whether we were going to be friends or more. I thought that was really stupid because I feel like it shouldn't be something that you discuss when you first meet somebody. It kind of ruins things. It sets unnecessary limitations and creates tension. So, I told her how I felt- at the time. But now, I almost feel differently about her, and she is really stuck on what I originally said about not wanting anything more than friendship. So, I tried to explain that I just want to take things as they come and see what happens. She didn't seem to understand.
So, she never kissed me and we drove home in silence. I feel really awful for even saying anything at the bar in the first place. I feel as if I have fucked everything up between us and things will never be the same again. She is important to me and the time we share together is one of my favorite ways to spend the day. I don't know what I want, and wish I had the guts to tell her that I feel like my feelings about our relationship are changing, but I don't understand where they are going quite yet. I don't want to pull her in a bunch of different directions or give her mixed signals or whatever. More than anything, I don't want her out of my life.
I hate that I am such an irresponsible asshole. I don't know what to do. I appoligized last night, and I don't know what else I can possibly say besides that. I have this gut feeling that she isn't going to speak to me, and if she does, things are just going to be weird and akward. Why am I so afraid of letting my guard down? Maybe I should have given her a chance in the first place. This is the first time I've felt like crying in a very long time. What the hell is my problem!! I always fuck up every good thing I have going... What would Gene Simmons do? What would you do? I don't like feeling like I have just lost a friend. I just want everything to be back to normal. It's my fault and I've ruined everything.
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Let her know that she's important to you.
You might even let her read this journal entry.