age: 37 (Nov 19, 1975)

MEMBER SINCE: December 2004

occupation: Managerial sumbitch

most humbling moment: When I a bug sandwich to show someone I really was sorry for something I had done to them

fantasy: To punch Ashton Kutcher in the face with brass knuckles, say

sign: Scorpio

crush: I dropped a brick on a big juicy worm once, does that count?

stats: three apples high

into: Clothes, music, eating massive amounts of olives, making out with your face, shoes, more music, Karate chopping old people

gets me hot: Sweltering heat. A girls bare neck. Mexican food. Getting spanked with a 2x4 while watching Sanford And Son

makes me sad: Death. Being bored. Having a lack of olives. Old people falling down stairs. My roommate puking in both my brother's cars. That little bastard isn't drinking and getting in mine, that's for sure.

body mods: Well, I had a bionic xray eye put in so I could see through girls clothes a few years back, and I have a motorized penis that requires lots of oil, but that baby sure is reliable!

makes me happy: Those Geico caveman commercials. Midgets getting drunk. Old people cursing. When girls say