Hello from my bathtub again! To all my lovely readers (reader?) thank you. By the way, just so you know, I am not fooling myself into thinking anyone wants to see pictures of me in the bath or shower. Especially here, but I just think it's funny, and kind of a dare to myself. My self deprecating ways are easier when you have pictures of yourself to laugh at!

So I wouldn't even realize it if I wasn't able to llook back at my first blog and see, but it's been 3 weeks now since my wife left me. I am still destroyed and shattered. To be honest, looking back at my first posts they were all pervy and weird, I don't know what I was thinking. I most likely had something to do with the fact that my wife has had a boyfriend since the day she left me. I'm just jealous I'm sure and wanted something too. I think it's better this way though, I am having to face loneliness and sorrow and myself and not just use that instant balm of new love to make everything better. I will most likely be alone forever. I am trying to accept that. It's like the moment she left me someone stamped an expiration date on me, the date has passed.


I have to say my dears, there is one thing I have learned in the last couple weeks that has been astonishing.

I always encouraged my wife to have friends but neglected to do the same myself. I always had my siblings,(now one is moved and the other has a young family so...) I was happy just doing art and stuff. long ago I had many, many friends, and I had to leave them all. We were all so messed up, we messed each other up, we had too much "fun" until we were all destroyed by it and had to go our separate ways.

So when my wife left I couldn't talk to anyone. I didn't want my family to talk shit or to hate her, they would never see how complicated it really was. I don't blame her, but they would thinking that they were helping by "taking my side" or something. So I just started...

Hello from my bathtub again! To all my lovely readers (reader?) thank you. By the way, just so you know, I am not fooling myself into thinking anyone wants to see pictures of me in the bath or shower. Especially here, but I just think it's funny, and kind of a dare to myself. My self deprecating ways are easier when you have pictures of yourself to laugh at!

So I wouldn't even realize it if I wasn't able to llook back at my first blog and see, but it's been 3 weeks now since my wife left me. I am still destroyed and shattered. To be honest, looking back at my first posts they were all pervy and weird, I don't know what I was thinking. I most likely had something to do with the fact that my wife has had a boyfriend since the day she left me. I'm just jealous I'm sure and wanted something too. I think it's better this way though, I am having to face loneliness and sorrow and myself and not just use that instant balm of new love to make everything better. I will most likely be alone forever. I am trying to accept that. It's like the moment she left me someone stamped an expiration date on me, the date has passed.


I have to say my dears, there is one thing I have learned in the last couple weeks that has been astonishing.

I always encouraged my wife to have friends but neglected to do the same myself. I always had my siblings,(now one is moved and the other has a young family so...) I was happy just doing art and stuff. long ago I had many, many friends, and I had to leave them all. We were all so messed up, we messed each other up, we had too much "fun" until we were all destroyed by it and had to go our separate ways.

So when my wife left I couldn't talk to anyone. I didn't want my family to talk shit or to hate her, they would never see how complicated it really was. I don't blame her, but they would thinking that they were helping by "taking my side" or something. So I just started looking for people to talk to on the internet, and it was amazing. First I saw so many women like my wife, who were bored and looking through this little screen on their laps and flirting, and haveing new boys tell them they were beautiful. Basically looking at other lives they could have, some just playing, but my wife walked through. She found one and chose it over me. I can see the appeal.

On this night though I wasn't flirting or looking for girls who would show me their tits, I just looked on a webcam sight and found a girl who looked sad. She was thinking of leaving her husband for her boyfriend. Wow. I just told her, how I felt, and she told me how she felt. It was like talking to my wife, as a stranger so she would be honest with me. Ever since then we have written and it has helped.

I met another girl who just made a comment on something I posted. She was totally different from the first girl. She was sympathetic, but also funny as hell and kind as can be. I write her everyday, and she writes me, and it's not always serious what we talk about. Sometimes it is. All I know is that she takes time to reach out to me, and It means the world to me when she does.

There have been a couple other girls that I've since met and talked about my life to, and they have each been honest and taken time just to listen to me, and they did not have to at all. They each have in a way saved me.

The amazing thing, the think that shocks me, is this power they have. I am in one of, if not the all time, darkest place in my life. I sometimes just feel myself just sinking and find I am in the darkest of holes. Yet I will get a message out of the blue, from one of these people I've never met, and somehow I laugh, and smile, I feel good, I feel just lucky that the world has these people in it! They have the ability to pull me out of that hole, even if just for a while, so i can breath for a moment and see some light. I just find it - I didn't know this was out there.

So to each and every person who has taken the time to write me or just say hi, thank you. You'll never know how you helped me, and I doubt I can ever return the favor. Know though, that you have a friend in me who is there if you ever need me. No matter what.

lol, here ya go


I'm so sorry! I had to do it! For girls that like skinny arms and hair around the nipples.lol
So on another note- I'm going back to the strip club for the third sunday in a row! Now you may worry about me, after all I am a very romantic guy, and you may think " oh crap these strippers are going to chew him up and spit him out" fear not! I have no illusions about what goes on there. I've also been friends with strippers and prostitutes ( don't freak, I'm not saying they are the same thing, and I have respect for all) my whole life. Especially when I was really fucked up. I also know that I've met some really nice girls there and they are a lot of fun. I have great conversations with them, and they're naked! There is just something about talking to a real life sexy girl that helps. It helps me not feel like I have to go out and try to get laid. One of my friends said that's not really what I need right now, stranger sex, and I think that's right. Plus lets be honest, I'm not good at picking up girls in a bar anyway! Especially as I'm pretty sure depression and sadness are not real hot .

Anyway, if any one wants to meet me at the strip club sunday nights, just hit me up first!
Later everybody, thank you Suicide Girls and Friends!

Again, sorry to subject you to the pics, here are a couple to make up for it
Next week no bathtub pictures, Promise!