I get bored with the new girls. I "try." Whatever that means. ...and I don't. I must be an old fuck. I get excited when Wendy posts a new blog. I do. Then I think "time to leave.". ....but what do my old ass eyes surmise? A new Sawa set in MR!!!!! My heart speeds up!!! Goes a-flutter!! Sawa!!!!!!

Tomorrow my girl and I find if we are having a boy or a girl. Sarah is not out of the question if it's a girl! I'm going nuts from nervousness. Children are not my forte. Everyone should learn patience. I can agree with that.

Where was I? I never thought about the impact this site has had on me. It's been kind. Rewarding!!!!!

P.S. I was working on a music blog - woodenmouth.blogspot.com ---- until I spilled an ice tea into my Mac and fried it. Duh.

I used to be in love with a lesbian. Not for a while. A long time. She was my first love. My first kiss. How does one reconcile that? I mean officially? Listen to Ani Difranco and go play a softball game? Wear plaid and cry during Ellen?

I miss her. She just had a kid. She went and picked out sperm with her lover. Sometimes you people feel like my lesbian love.

- I would have to be entirely delusional to think that people read this --- so this is most likely just a personal statement. A recent scroll of thoughts that passed me by... I remember the excitement of SG. When people had to wonder what vegan was. ...When tattoo's on a girl meant they were "no good." ...and piercings? what was she thinking!??!! I was a member under a different name in 2002-2003. I think it was it NicoKarma. Whatever the hell that meant. I have quit a few times. I changed names. I believed it in here. Wanted to improve. I grew up with two girls that became SG's. It was a community. A respite. A culture. It WAS the girl next door for me.

-Throughout that time, I have seen members that SG would've killed to shoot - back when they had begun: Zombina, Ryven, Atraxion, etc.... I dunno... all to go entirely forgotten. I have seen the lovely girls from Finland that are still models here, (some of them) thrown under the SG bus ... Albertines' absolutely (perfectly) beautiful pictures get rejected because the model doesn't have the best set of tits... It went from the beauty of the person to ---- the beauty of the artwork to ---- the beauty of instant gratification. ...Just as Playboy went from daring women, to fake blonde tits.

- The SG mission statement denounces Playboy stereotypes vehemently. Remember the SG girl of the week in Playboy?

- So why I am still here? I have no profile picture. Gone. If I don't like it, I should just go fuck myself, right? Since 2002, I continuously wonder about these girls I grew up with. I used to go to a bar Ember was always at..... Gidgette's boyfriend wanting to fight me..... Sexxy Quizzo with Alexis...- Meeting Albertine in Texas... Passing by Sawa in LA. Long conversations with Neko in the middle of the night... Oh, I just remembered my first images of SG!!! Someone attached a picture of Mary and what's her name.... Jetta!! Oh Jetta.... To an album I downloaded off of soulseek. Ha! I've been a member ever since! London's photo being in the back of the CityPaper!!!

- This site has been burned into my weekly wonder. I have grown up with you. I will log on to see if Mei posts something full of bat shit crazy, and more importantly full of bat shit kind. The girls that aren't strippers always used to be the girls I used to be in a band with - go to a show with... Sit around and play cards with... The girls that WERE strippers weren't liked very much in their day, because they were those f-ing weirdos ex. Nala, Stormy, etc...-!! ....and anytime I am at a bachelor party now, that SG looking girl is the center of attention...!!!!!

- That leaves me as a member here to see people grow up. Like a fucked-up-pseudo-elder (I'm turning 30) in an even more fucked up failing Utopian society. ....I think we all were a bit bewildered at the start of this. In 2002-2003, it seemed like we all had to speculate as to who we were. Didn't care mostly, but we were always intrigued. Speaking for myself, I enjoyed the process.

- I am still interested in the few that remain. I must be... I have loved your "company." To everyone hitting 30 or older: You girls rocked the shit out of alternative. Pre 09/11. You were the people that society feared. ....and you have now paved a golden road for girls to meander down without worry... without consequence. ...people live vicariously throughout what we have accomplished. ....and now SG is no longer relevant... except within the few that rattle off secrets to entertain those that understand the outskirts of what you mean to say without the carnival being involved....

- On a iPod full of 90,000 songs Miss Violetta Beauregarde just came on to finish this. Perfect.

This blog is just a mess. Overall it could be said that a slightly into the near future Miley Cyrus is my blog whisperer.

Anybody play Original Gangstaz on your iPhone time stealing portal?

What the hell does everyone do to the Netflix movies they get? You fuckers. Another one that won't play! Grrrr. This is the second one this month that looks like somebody put vaseline on their hands, ate a bag of cheetos, and then played patty-cakes with the damn thing.

So here I am cleaning DVD's for Netflix. Anybody else clean these urinals-cakes called Netflix movies? Why don't they invest in a machine that does that? After every use. Fucking clean it. Can't be that difficult.

Two different uses of the word cakes in this blog, neither one has to do with baked goods. Maybe people make cakes, put their hands in the batter, then they go finger up DVD's because they are pissed off that everything in their life is perfect.

Three different cakes. One. Two. Three. Muahahaha.

I love beer. Especially beer made by St. Bernardus. So much so, that everytime I know it's in the house I create scenarios in which I feel the need to calm myself down by having one. ....like right now. I have 8 bombers in the house right now. I have a feeling, my life is going to be a complete shit storm until about the end of the weekend. ¡Salud!

Oh, and how do your knuckles look these days?: *Biting knuckles*

I sound like a straight-up weirdo in that last blog. Seriously, I don't recognize myself. Maybe it's because I caught some guy jerking off to me jerking off? That seems like enough. Right?

I am currently listening to Kush by Dizzy Gillespie. Loud. As hell. 4:23 am needs some kush.. Think there was kush weed around when he wrote that? What's kush weed? Here's a current trailer park thought: Why are english muffins terrible with pasta, but pizza muffins are perfectly delectable?

Two jerk-off stories:

1. I was pounding the nail in the other night. I keep hearing a noise behind me. I look. I see nothing. I was sitting in a well-lit room. Curtains were kind of drawn. It's dark out. About 3 am after a long day. The new set by Sawa molesting me. Pants down. Sound. I turn my head. Nothing. Sawa. Oh, God bless you Sawa!!! Fruition. Loud sound. I turn around again. I spy a pervert without a mirror in front of me. Man in my yard, looking through the window. He turns to run. Pants down. Was he fapping it to me fapping, or to Sawa? I did nothing. What could I do? I was pants down. I hope it was Sawa who made him pant-less while peeping in my window. Somehow I don't think it was Sawa. I feel violated. .....While I was violating Sawa in my mind. Explain the karma to me.. Her ass makes me 16 again and repeated again. That in my way, is a huge compliment. I get giddy, and can't control my thoughts. Oh, here's a better way to explain it - she makes me nervous! Her fucking pictures make me nervous!

2. Ever hear of GhettoGaggers? I haven't until recently. One of my favorite pornstars (Top three in order: Michelle Wild, Penny Flame, Kandee Lixxx - All three retired.) Kandee Lixxx came out of retirement and made a movie for GhettoGaggers. I was excited. I saw it. Fuck you! Fuck you ghettogaggers. I hope everybody associated with that company gets sodomized by a knife. Ughhh. You know what.... if anybody reads this and gets curious - let me tell you what they do to her.. Don't fucking watch it. Fuck you if you do. They throat fuck her until she throws up... I am saddened typing this.. Call her a nigger. Spit on her. Make her throw up again. White hateful cum. Hate-cum? Spit. Name call. She is fucking crying. Crying! This shit has to be illegal. We need to make it illegal. I NEVER thought I would want the government to regulate masturbation, but how is this shit possible? I don't know anything about porn stars. I imagine she was promised one thing.... and it lead to one thing.... and it lead to another thing.... and she was compromised. You can say fuck her, she got paid.... She knew what she was getting into... ...No. I think it was a shit company taking advantage of psychology. The Nazi's used to use the same technique to get Jews to talk. Start with something you are comfortable with... Press a new button, press a new button, press a new button, press a new button, kill the girl with the diary in the attic now. Crying porn? What has the human race been reduced to?

3. 3rd jerk-off story. I have an album coming out. People say it sounds like God Speed You Black Emperor. I don't like them. What does that mean?

- If you ever read this Sawa, You are a cult figure. Maybe I should send this to her. Sawa you are a constant source of inspiration. Your photos are incredible. I hate it when Sg doesn't buy your sets. I watched Hard Candy, Zodiac the other weekend.