I am taking and internet deep breath...or two....or ten.
I am trying to frost a cake.
Using a shitty pastry bag that split at the seam that holds the coupler in place.
Split after 2 uses it did. So I sewed the seam. Repeatedly stitched over the same place making it ever so slightly tighter than before.
I go to use it today and the bag itself stretched until the coupler just came out.
Shittiest design ever.
And I hate the frosting Im using. Its too sugary, and not nearly creamy enough.
So it doesn't spread nicely at all.
Note to self:Next time listen to gut instincts and leave out that last cup o sugar that the recipe calls for so frosting will be creamy.
Also, I don't have a proper cake turntable so Im using a plate from a tableware collection that I hate. Aesthetically unpleasing and functionally defunct. Eww. They MUST be replaced. Soon.
I am in a mood right now that I am tired of being in. I have a vacation coming (which should assist in alleviating my mood) at the beginning of July, and it seems like its years away.

I have taken up a new hobby of a slightly sadistic nature. Gluten free baking... vegan gluten free baking.
*sigh*
Things have been turning out surprisingly well. Even more impressive, the kitchen remains intact and I have yet to have to summon the paramedics to tend to food related ailments.... intentional or otherwise.
So far Im getting rave reviews.
Dinner from a few months ago:


Mushroom wild rice soup with organic wine and a slice of gluten free, vegan butterscotch cake.\
Soup home made. Wine and cake foraged from local fooderies.

Desert from the other night:

Vanilla ice cream, vanilla pound cake, chocolate hazelnut sauce topping.
Gluten free, vegan and all made from scratch.

My latest success:

Vegan cupcakes with vegan buttercream frosting. Yes I know the frosting is a bit wonky. The pastry bag is a recent addition to my laboratory.

Last week we attended a soft opening for a friends new restaurant. Sooooo amazing. Heavy focus on organic, sustainable and healthy fair. Local whenever possible. Caters to food sensitive patrons.
*squees with delight*
It was just supposed to be a tasting but D really outdid himself. He stuffed us full to bursting before gracing us with his company at the end of the evening.
He seems at peace and genuinely happy. The powers that be will suffer my wrath if this endeavor doesn't work out in the long run. D deserves happiness and peace. I have spoken.

In other non food related news. I got to see Kraftwerk and you didn't
The following night I got a little frisky at the Santana concert. Concert and frisk were impromptu... I wouldn't trade my friends for anything.
Lessee......what else. OH! Mah girl and I performed on tissu a little over a week ago.
Thank you to all who came and braved the torture of folding chairs to watch us defy gravity.
Christ Im tired. I cant even manage a decent blog entry after all this time.
*sigh*
Life is too busy.
I should take time to enjoy how richly blessed my life is.
PS:Women taste like happy

My request as of late:
When I say any one or more of the following to the question "So what are you up to tonight?":
"Staying in."
"Enjoying a quiet evening alone."
"Deliberately NOT going out."
"Getting some loving."
"Making dinner and watching a movie...IN."
"Anything that doesn't involve going out...Im so sick of going out."
etc ad nauseam...
That means I don't want to go out. It does NOT mean I want to be pestered into going out, even though I will have fun.
IM SICK OF GOING OUT!
That is all.

I thought for a fashion that rappers wound up with bad teeth due to all the garbage that they spew and call music. How their "career" afforded them enough to adorn their body with something they refer to as "bling", but not enough money to buy nice teeth I never understood.
I came to the conclusion that they were parodising the British in a statement of refusal to conform to distinctions of class.
Today, I discovered that their problem was indeed intentional.... and in fact a form of "bling".
Apparently their defective teeth are in fact aparatii not so dissimilar in form to monster dentures.
Apparently, you cannot eat with these devices in.
Which begs the question of how these rappers manage to come by the body that seems so common amongst rappers.
I would think that with all the sexing up of groupies, and the inability to eat with their grillz in that they would all have lithe forms.
Unless, of course, this leeds to a vicsious cycle of removing their grillz to hastily down mass quantities of food during those oh so rare moments when they are not in the public eye.
Or perhaps with so much money they can manage to afford Micky Ds intravenously?
I cannot even imagine the canker sores they must endure.
I have just been informed that rappers look like deer in heat when they curl their upper lip to expose their grillz to the general public. Im glad Im not the only one who thinks them foolish.
It conjures up an amusing mental image of Pall Wahl, Chamillionair, Lill John et al sitting down to dine at a posh restaurant and simultaneously spitting out their grillz like a bunch adolescents spitting out their retainers before feasting on meatloaf surprise in the school cafeteria.

MY ACETABULUM IS SANS RESTRICTION!
Now I just need to convince the surrounding soft tissue to coperate.
Pointe shoes are a grand idea. As long as one does not dance in them. Or walk in them. Or stand in them. Or wear them sitting down for more than 2 minutes.
Pretty pink satin torture chambers.
Whos dumbass idea was this?
Oh yeah....
Apparently I wont rest until I have crippled myself.

My stomach is bloated with happiness and foodthings!

Nekkididity on the River:
Last weekend we finally managed a trip down the river on a friends boat. Someone I am becoming increasingly fond of with each heavenly touch slathered spf 70 all over my near albino flesh.
After getting the OK from the Skipper, resident nudist syrvyxyn doffed her garb in favour of more comfortable attire and perched atop the bow of the boat.
What do you suppose was the first boat to pass us as we sped away from the slip?
Yes, thats right. The Auxiliary Coast Guard. Never before have I seen the CG...the minute I am a nude hood ornament for a friends boat they materialize out of thin air.
I quickly donned a shirt and they quit tailing us.
After we dropped anchor, I again dropped my restrictives. A friend of mine followed suite (I am a bad influence) and another friend lost her shirt.
Fellow boaters and nudist enthusiasts in a neighboring boat joined our nude revery.
The reaction from other boaters was comical.
Passersby would slooooooow doooooown as they passed our revel.
I swear I saw a couple of boats pass by more than once.
I slathered my nude friends nubile body with tanning oil so she could kick it rotisserie style while I blinded with skin brighter than the sun.
By the time we began our journey back to the slip we had taken to flagrantly flaunting our au natural while waving at passing boats.
The men accompanied by women pretended not to do repeated doub/trip/quadruple takes.
What, just what logo do I happen to notice on a passing boat AFTER we have done the nude wave in their direction? After they reciprocated our wave (fully clothed).
Sherifs Department.
*BOGGLE*
What are the fucking odds?!?
*sigh*.
We frantically dress.... they don't even turn to follow us.
*whew*
Guess they had real concerns to address.
Did we learn?
Nah.
We just took to flashing all the boats laden with men and free of children.
I think we gave a boat full of seniors a bigger jolt than their pacemakers ever could.

I seem to be falling pretty hard.
Someone save me from myself?
Thing is... Im not so sure I want to be saved.

Im sitting 20 stories up in the middle of a lightening storm.
Mother Nature, in all her glory, has given me a beautiful life.
Valleyfiar rocked, but not as much as the company I kept.
Wish I had a photo or two to comemorate the occasion.
I arrived to an embrace so warm it could only have been bestowed by God(see:To love another person is to see the face of God)
A sweet Seraph continues to sing "I cant help falling in love with you"...
Wake me from this dream and I WILL kill you. It will be slow. And painful

So much to update....im sure Ill be interupted so I may have to update this entry in chunks. Stay tuned....

I finally did a pole trick I have been trying to nail for months....applause and many complements from my coworkers followed.
I love those breakthroughs when learning an art form.
My body has finally decided to quit sending me ransom notes demanding mass amounts of body work in exchange for releasing muscle tension.
Sound bite of the week:
"Ooohh...keep rubbing my leg-butt-thing."
A good friend of mine is heading off to BurningMan. Wish her happy travels and a surreal experience...the journey truly begins only after you arrive.
There is a sexy boi cleaning dishes wearing nothing but a pair of latex gloves right now.
He's the sweetest nerd ever.
His touch makes all my negative feelings melt away.
His embrace promises protection from anything and everything.
He makes my heart sing.
If you tell anyone I said that, I swear Ill kill you. Swiftly, because love makes me merciful. But still.
We were biking to the farmers market one sunday and 2 bikers heavily laden with packs happened by. Perched atop one bikers backpack was a black cat tethered by a small piece of twine. It seemed completely nonplussed by its precarious position.
He turned to me in bed this morning and said out of the blue "Thank you for being you".
Apparently I make him love his life, or some such.
HIs eyes sparkle when he smiles. Quite often with mischievous intent.
I could prattle on about him in vomit inducing style, but I wont. I just get strange looks from people who dont understand the things I find attractive and why.
Thats ok.
All that matters is I adore an amazing nerd with salt and pepper hair, a slightly receding hairline, a voice that tickles my brain, hands and lips that tickle everything else...did I mention he has mason jars and a food sealer in his kitchen?
*sigh*
Shit.
Watch me ride the wave. Take a picture of me at the top to remind me of how good it is and why its all worthwhile.

Since I seem to be bombarded with it all at once, I have to say something.
I am really frustrated with the way so many people in my life dump last minute bullshit with zero reguard for other peoples schedules.

I will now list random things that I appreciate about my life and the people who are a part of it. Some of these things apply to more than one person/situation/time etc.

I love the way you say thank you with a genuine grattitude that eminates from the depths of your soul.

I love that I have access to so many yummaliscious organic foods.

Thank you for all of the amzing people in my life.

Thank you for your boundless patience.

Thank you for your empathy.

I love the way you touch me.

Keep singing, it melts every bone in my body.

Thank you for random hugs/caresses/nuzzles.

I love the noises you dont even realize you make.

Thank you for being sensitive to others without being hypersensitive.

Thank you for your radiance.

Thank you for your compassion.

Do you realize that your smile lights up the room?

.........To be continued because I continue to be interrupted..........