Unseasonable Weather

I arrived in Berlin two weeks ago. It has been raining ever since. I learned today that at the moment it is actually colder in Berlin than in Scandinavia. Boots, sweaters, scarves and jackets are entirely appropriate for the cold rain, if not the season. I still can't help but think that wool in August is wrong. It is enough to make me think of white sand strewn beaches of Caribbean blue, and to imagine the tropical sun seeping deep into my skin. I don't think I'll be truly warm until next May.

The cold and continually wet weather has a marked effect on one German enterprise: prostitution. In the spirit of German planning, even the prostitutes seem to wear a uniform: tight jeans, tall boots, a low cut shirt with a waist corset, a jacket and a fanny pack. (Yes, a fanny pack- a fanny pack with a waist corset no less. If anyone can think of anything less sexy, do tell.) Now when one imagines the prospect of standing on a slick cobblestone street for hours in the dripping rain, the jeans and jackets (and yes, I have to admit it, even the fanny pack) seem imminently practical. When, however, one imagines the repeated removal of knee high boots and tighter than skin jeans, it suddenly seems less so. A friend informed me that this is not a problem because the prostitutes do not intend to actually have sex with the men. Yes, I replied, but I imagine that the men intend to have sex with the prostitutes, after all that is what they are paying for, and while you might dupe one or two, a business that continually disappoints the consumer can't expect to run for long, and surely the men would catch on. The changeover of tourists isn't enough even in Times Square to have a continually fresh batch of sops, much less in Berlin. Still, issues of convenience and practicality aside, the strangest effect of the "uniform" is, well, its uniformity. The girls aren't all just wearing jeans, boots and jackets; they are all wearing...

Unseasonable Weather

I arrived in Berlin two weeks ago. It has been raining ever since. I learned today that at the moment it is actually colder in Berlin than in Scandinavia. Boots, sweaters, scarves and jackets are entirely appropriate for the cold rain, if not the season. I still can't help but think that wool in August is wrong. It is enough to make me think of white sand strewn beaches of Caribbean blue, and to imagine the tropical sun seeping deep into my skin. I don't think I'll be truly warm until next May.

The cold and continually wet weather has a marked effect on one German enterprise: prostitution. In the spirit of German planning, even the prostitutes seem to wear a uniform: tight jeans, tall boots, a low cut shirt with a waist corset, a jacket and a fanny pack. (Yes, a fanny pack- a fanny pack with a waist corset no less. If anyone can think of anything less sexy, do tell.) Now when one imagines the prospect of standing on a slick cobblestone street for hours in the dripping rain, the jeans and jackets (and yes, I have to admit it, even the fanny pack) seem imminently practical. When, however, one imagines the repeated removal of knee high boots and tighter than skin jeans, it suddenly seems less so. A friend informed me that this is not a problem because the prostitutes do not intend to actually have sex with the men. Yes, I replied, but I imagine that the men intend to have sex with the prostitutes, after all that is what they are paying for, and while you might dupe one or two, a business that continually disappoints the consumer can't expect to run for long, and surely the men would catch on. The changeover of tourists isn't enough even in Times Square to have a continually fresh batch of sops, much less in Berlin. Still, issues of convenience and practicality aside, the strangest effect of the "uniform" is, well, its uniformity. The girls aren't all just wearing jeans, boots and jackets; they are all wearing practically the same jeans, boots and jackets. It is as if someone loaded them into a bus and took them to the prostitutes' equivalent of the school uniform store. The effect is bizarre. You walk down the stretch and every 6 to 10 feet there is another girl wearing the same outfit. While the brand marketing is effective, someone should suggest a diversification of product. Don't the Germans ever get bored with the same old, same old? Isn't that why you go to a prostitute in the first place- for something a little different? Really, it seems that a girl could make a great deal of money by just showing up in a skirt- if there isn't a law against that already, perhaps as an instance of unfair competition?

And that is the report from Berlin.