So we had our May long weekend up here in Canada this past weekend and boy was it fucking deadly! Me and captain gorgeous decided to add carpet to our keg box.(last year we made a box out of 3/4" ply wood, a barrel, a bag of R14 insulation, pneumatic wheels, a full tower system with co2 bottle like at a bar to get the precious pure liquid imagination out of its shiny aluminum strong hold) needless to say when we were finished the box looked professionally made. So we arrive at S.P's cabin at Thunder lake Alberta Canada on Thursday and its just 3 of us.Friday everyone else shows up and the drinking begins. Me, captain gorgeous (AKA cousin Amos, AKA Kelowna) , and Lance bass (not the real lance bass duh!) decided it would be in our best interest to shit kick the keg. (we didn't actually kick it, just drank like fishes). Our Drunk activities include, zapping each other with electric fly swatters, looking at girls with our creeper "you cant see our eyes" sunglasses, Drunk beach volleyball, laying in the sun drinking, making fun of stupid girls that cant make a mojito, lighting fire works, and launching bees and wasps into orbit with fire crackers. (if this sounds interesting, go to www.youtube.com and search "bee in space" for footage from a couple years back) so one night cousin Amos decides to build a giant bon fire, we try to talk him out of this but he says "I'M FROM KELOWNA WE PRETTY MUCH INVENTED THE FOREST FIRE" so he builds it anyway. So the beer is flowing when all of a sudden S.P's little brother's girlfriend that no one likes (we will call her "nobody likes girl") tells us she can make really good Mojito's because she is a bartender at a restaurant. (a Mojito is a rum based drink made with lime juice, rum, sugar, and fresh mint leaves. sounds like shit but needless to say it is quite refreshing) so anyway Nobody likes girl starts passing out these "best mojito's ever because I'm a bartender" and they tasted like filth. i would honestly prefer someone to shit pisst...

So we had our May long weekend up here in Canada this past weekend and boy was it fucking deadly! Me and captain gorgeous decided to add carpet to our keg box.(last year we made a box out of 3/4" ply wood, a barrel, a bag of R14 insulation, pneumatic wheels, a full tower system with co2 bottle like at a bar to get the precious pure liquid imagination out of its shiny aluminum strong hold) needless to say when we were finished the box looked professionally made. So we arrive at S.P's cabin at Thunder lake Alberta Canada on Thursday and its just 3 of us.Friday everyone else shows up and the drinking begins. Me, captain gorgeous (AKA cousin Amos, AKA Kelowna) , and Lance bass (not the real lance bass duh!) decided it would be in our best interest to shit kick the keg. (we didn't actually kick it, just drank like fishes). Our Drunk activities include, zapping each other with electric fly swatters, looking at girls with our creeper "you cant see our eyes" sunglasses, Drunk beach volleyball, laying in the sun drinking, making fun of stupid girls that cant make a mojito, lighting fire works, and launching bees and wasps into orbit with fire crackers. (if this sounds interesting, go to www.youtube.com and search "bee in space" for footage from a couple years back) so one night cousin Amos decides to build a giant bon fire, we try to talk him out of this but he says "I'M FROM KELOWNA WE PRETTY MUCH INVENTED THE FOREST FIRE" so he builds it anyway. So the beer is flowing when all of a sudden S.P's little brother's girlfriend that no one likes (we will call her "nobody likes girl") tells us she can make really good Mojito's because she is a bartender at a restaurant. (a Mojito is a rum based drink made with lime juice, rum, sugar, and fresh mint leaves. sounds like shit but needless to say it is quite refreshing) so anyway Nobody likes girl starts passing out these "best mojito's ever because I'm a bartender" and they tasted like filth. i would honestly prefer someone to shit pisst in my mouth than taste that shit again. I also have this skin tight purple spandex speed skater suit, size small that i wear when i get drunk. when the suit comes on i become the purple pussy pleaser. so i am completely fucked out of my tree running around on the beach lighting fire works and acting like a tiger when i accidentally roll in lance bass' piss mark he left on someones aluminum boat. I am down for the count when this group of strangers come down to the beach and are amazed by my spandex suit. Remember this suit is a size small, and i am by all means not a small man. so the stranger girl asks me if I'm a super hero, i tell her i am. then she asks what is my super power, and i look into her eyes and say, "fucking you in the ass!" then vanish into the depths of the forest. Now to many people, thestory of the purple pussy pleaser is fake and its just a myth, but to my close friends it is a reality, the only reality! so we are sitting around the fire and retard lance and Amos decide to throw the "used" firework containers into the fire, i don't think its a good idea considering half the time they don't all shoot off. so we are talking and laughing and everyone starts feeling safe that the burning cardboard isn't blowing up when all of a sudden, KA BOOM CRACKLE CRACKLE, and almost everyone jumps and shits them selves. Now at the end of May long weekend a huge garbage pickup comes around to all the cabins and picks up all their unwanted garbage like old furniture, appliances and other shit like that. So lance is drooling because to him its free stuff. i tell him thats stealing, and he says "once its on the curb its public property and i have my eye on that trampoline in the ditch with the missing leg, and that t.v antenna and a T.v from the 60's. " He didn't actually want the t.v, he wanted to take it so we could throw it in the lake. these are my friends. later in the night i am taking a massive dump in the out house when someone knocks on the door and says "what the fuck are you doing in there?" to them i answer, "I'm just making some Mojitos!" Thanks S.P for another wicked May long. I wonder how next year will be.