New to SG as of September '06. I was always curious, but never took the leap until now. I've been doing this whole "coming out of my shell" thing lately. I'm a bunch of oxymorons: An optimistic pessimist, a hopeless romantic who doesn't trust a soul, and a lazy man who believes in hard work. I don't really make sense, but I'm used to it.
BLOGS
I guess it's enough to say that I'm a fool.
I'm posting this here because I need a retreat from my usual haunts. I've put myself on the line far too much for someone, and now it's come back to bite me in the ass.
Everyone told me she was no good, not to be trusted, all that. But I didn't listen. I wanted them all to be wrong. She asked me to trust her, and I did. She said things like "I think I made the biggest mistake in my life," when I asked her about why we only went on one date, and she told me she had feelings for me.
But she kept from me the fact that she is seeing someone -- or at least I think she is, because she refuses to go on another date with me. She doesn't say she's not interested. She says "We can't right now."
Right now? As if something could change later? And if she was seeing someone, and unhappy, why should she be putting me off?
It's a game that's been going on for months, and I'm being played. I told her I was fed up, and she begged me to just wait, told me she would explain everything. If really mattered, it would all be explained already. It might not even need explaination to begin with.
Instead, I sit here feeling like shit, unable to eat, unable to think, unable to do anything but sulk. And it's my fault. I let her back in. I should have pushed her away when I had the strength, and now I have nothing, not even my pride.
I'm posting this here because I need a retreat from my usual haunts. I've put myself on the line far too much for someone, and now it's come back to bite me in the ass.
Everyone told me she was no good, not to be trusted, all that. But I didn't listen. I wanted them all to be wrong. She asked me to trust her, and I did. She said things like "I think I made the biggest mistake in my life," when I asked her about why we only went on one date, and she told me she had feelings for me.
But she kept from me the fact that she is seeing someone -- or at least I think she is, because she refuses to go on another date with me. She doesn't say she's not interested. She says "We can't right now."
Right now? As if something could change later? And if she was seeing someone, and unhappy, why should she be putting me off?
It's a game that's been going on for months, and I'm being played. I told her I was fed up, and she begged me to just wait, told me she would explain everything. If really mattered, it would all be explained already. It might not even need explaination to begin with.
Instead, I sit here feeling like shit, unable to eat, unable to think, unable to do anything but sulk. And it's my fault. I let her back in. I should have pushed her away when I had the strength, and now I have nothing, not even my pride.
MARCH 2011
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deadlysarah