age: 30 (Jul 22, 1978)

MEMBER SINCE: May 2008

occupation: Barista and Absurdist

crush: 1 Dirty New-Ager and 1 Death-Metal Freakshow

gets me hot: Intentional irony is a charming trait to be found in a female, but boobs are fun too. Also, boobs.

i lost my virginity: I get so much tail, that's it really kind of embarrassing...for everyone else

sign: Wait! Is there a way to somehow combine boobs and irony?

heroes: James MOTHERFUCKIN' Joyce!!!

makes me sad: Season 4 and onward of 'Scrubs'. What was at one point easily the most brilliant show on television has since degenerated into the most one-dimensional, hackneyed claptrap around.

fantasy: A naked girl who isn't sexually interested in me at all hand-feeds me gooseberries while I complete a 36 minute speed run of Super Metroid. Also, I wish my dick was removable and could transform into a smaller version of me.

body mods: Took them all out because I'm a grown up now -- AND a condescending prick!!!

makes me happy: Vodka Sauce -- the non-redundant kind, Daydreaming of Dirgibles, a fluffy cat, Calculator SCC, rereading Ulysses until I can't stand it anymore (which is never), large composite odd numbers that only have 4 factors.

into: Coffee, Mathematics, Poker, Literature, and the human condition in general blah blah...