I was cleaning up the dish from my nightly sandwich and I saw a piece of paper she uses for a notepad when doing crossword puzzles.

She had written "help help help help help please" on it. I can't get it out of my head.

We're running low on money, and neither of us can find a job; her cause she's 70, and me, cause (in my mind) I was fired from my last job. We can't even get people to buy the old stuff we put on craiglist. My credit card is about to be maxed out, and I won't be able to pay my September car insurance.

I'm letting her down. I can't provide for either of us. There's no money coming in since the state "misinformed" me about my unemployment benefits. She's in a good mood, trying to stay positive, but I don't think either of us can hold up much longer. We'll never survive until this September, much less next September when I supposedly graduate and can maybe get a real job.

I mean, I can't even get an over night job at the grocery store, or Target. I applied for a job at the cable company and did their online assessment and haven't heard anything back. The person at school in the Career Services department hasn't gotten back to me. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. The ads I replied to on craigslist did not respond back, except for one that was obviously fraudulent

At what point can I just give up? The answer; I can't. I can't make things any worse for my mother. But I can't make things any better either, and things are only going to get worse. I'm trapped, and she's trapped. And I'm afraid we're doomed.

I'm the one trapping her. If something were to happen to me, I tell myself, the rest of my family would make sure she's taken care of.... but I can't do that to her, even if I wanted something to happen to me. (I don't, by the way)

My intelligence keeps telling me...

I was cleaning up the dish from my nightly sandwich and I saw a piece of paper she uses for a notepad when doing crossword puzzles.

She had written "help help help help help please" on it. I can't get it out of my head.

We're running low on money, and neither of us can find a job; her cause she's 70, and me, cause (in my mind) I was fired from my last job. We can't even get people to buy the old stuff we put on craiglist. My credit card is about to be maxed out, and I won't be able to pay my September car insurance.

I'm letting her down. I can't provide for either of us. There's no money coming in since the state "misinformed" me about my unemployment benefits. She's in a good mood, trying to stay positive, but I don't think either of us can hold up much longer. We'll never survive until this September, much less next September when I supposedly graduate and can maybe get a real job.

I mean, I can't even get an over night job at the grocery store, or Target. I applied for a job at the cable company and did their online assessment and haven't heard anything back. The person at school in the Career Services department hasn't gotten back to me. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. The ads I replied to on craigslist did not respond back, except for one that was obviously fraudulent

At what point can I just give up? The answer; I can't. I can't make things any worse for my mother. But I can't make things any better either, and things are only going to get worse. I'm trapped, and she's trapped. And I'm afraid we're doomed.

I'm the one trapping her. If something were to happen to me, I tell myself, the rest of my family would make sure she's taken care of.... but I can't do that to her, even if I wanted something to happen to me. (I don't, by the way)

My intelligence keeps telling me my "solutions" in my head aren't solutions. But that doesn't make me stop thinking of them.

Sorry to unload all this, but I had to say it somewhere, and Facebook and twitter aren't exactly good places for this, what with family members following using them and all.