You know, actually being single is way less fun than fantasizing about being single.

Living single was a sitcom starring Tootie.

My friend left his jacket at work. I tried it on and it fit perfectly, so I sent him these pictures as a sort of ransom note.

It's been a really interesting couple of weeks. I shall do my best to summarize.

I went in for an upper endoscopy. They sedated me and put a camera down my esophagus, through my stomach, and into my duodenum (the first part of the small intestine). Basically they were trying to figure out the cause of my heartburn and make sure there was no damage to my esophagus. Results: I have a hiatal hernia (no big deal), I'll be taking Prevacid rather than Prilosec (just so my insurance will pay for it), and the cute nurse who started my IV has a boyfriend. It was pretty weird. They gave me one thing for pain, one thing to sedate me, and something to make me forget the whole process. The strange part was that the sedation wore off before the amnesia, so I remember halves of conversations I had, and have to trust my friend Gay when she tells me I didn't say anything embarassing.

I was out at a dive bar doing karaoke a couple of weekends ago. I decided to sing "Tomorrow" from the musical Annie, even though I knew it wasn't an Annie crowd. When I got off stage, some guy came up to me and all he said was "holy shit, man!" That's pretty much what I was going for.

I was out tonight at one of those places where you paint your own plate or mug. I decided to decorate a toothbrush holder with Blair, Natalie, Tootie, and Jo from The Facts of Life. I can't wait for them to finish firing it, so I can take it home. I'm very proud and will post pictures as soon as I get it back. Maybe not of Tootie, though. I kind of fucked her up. Hey, I only had an hour.

Do you know the way to Santa Fe?
Ba-ba-da-da-da-ba-ba-da-da-dada

I've got lots of friends in Santa Fe.
Ba-ba-da-da-da-ba-ba-da-da-dada

Sorry. I'm in a good mood.

OK. Seriously. I've long since resigned myself to the realization that this is not the most perfect of all possible worlds. I have now, however, decided that this is the most ridiculous of all possible worlds.

A few months back when Seattle was in the middle of some "severe" weather, I was walking across a bridge over Interstate-5. The sidewalk was covered by a half inch of wet ice. I was just thinking how it couldn't possibly be any more slippery, when I spotted a fresh banana peel right in the middle.

I recently came to the end of a five-year, mostly long-distance relationship with a woman who is finishing medical school. At the end of medical school, the nascent doctor interviews for residencies, and ranks the ones they liked. The residency program, in turn ranks the interviewees. These data are fed into a complicated "matching" process. Essentially, a letter arrives that tells the budding physician where they will spend their next 4 years.

In the last week I found out the following:

1)my ex has a boyfriend (not surprised; I even know who he is).
2)my ex has matched.
3)my ex has matched in Seattle (where I live) and will be moving here in July.
4)my ex is bringing her new boyfriend, who she can't have been dating longer than about 4 months (unless she was cheating on me, but she deserves the benefit of the doubt on that one).

How screwed up is that? 6 months ago I would have wanted nothing more than for her to match in Seattle and move here. Now she has and not only do I not want her here, but she's bringing along some dude. It's like the plot of some shitty movie. I can only hope that somewhere in the plot our hero (me, silly!) manages to get a little over-the-sweater action.

As always, I'm keeping an eye out for banana peels.

It's Baby Spice's 31st birthday today!

Got me a nice new pair of slacks this weekend. They're being tailored right nowm, so I can't show you. I've kind of been on a shopping spree for the last week or so. Shoes (athletic), books (fiction), CD's (classical), slacks (cashmere), iPod (shuffle), pencils (drawing). I really need to slow down. I just paid off my credit cards, and the last thing I need is a balance.

I still need to get a bike (road) and a cabinet (speaker), but those can wait.

I'm signed up for a Billy Wilder film series that starts Thursday with Double Indemnity. Pretty exciting! I only know Fred MacMurray from My Three Sons and movies involving flubber, so it will be cool to see him as a villain.

Here's a few things I didn't know this time last year:

The French word for labor strike is "greve." I found that out the hard way.

There's only one "l" in "syphilis." I found that out the easy way, thank goodness.

Strippers smell like rose water and baby oil. I found that out the smutty way.

The best doughnuts in Seattle are at Ly's on NE 45th street. I found that out the tasty way.

Risotto is not that hard to make. I found that out the Giada way.

"Opera" is the plural of "opus" meaning "work." I found that out the Wiki way.

I'm sure I learned some other things, but these are the only ones that come to mind. Oh, and I also found out that one in ten Europeans are conceived in an Ikea bed. Good thing I sleep on a Serta.

Mike

Well damn!

It's been a long time since I've been around. Perhaps a brief explanation for my conspicuous absence: none of your business.

Point is, I'm back. I'm a little unsure about being back, but I am. It's 2007, and I've decided to be really optimistic about that.

New Years Resolution: paint my self portrait. I bought pencils today. They were quite cheap. I like the fact that nails and pencils are still relatively inexpensive. I feel like I'm getting a real bargain when I buy either.

Mike

Argh! Craziness. I've been packing up and trying to get going. Leaving for Seattle on Wednesday. That's where I'll be for a couple years. I won't be here much, at least for a little while.