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I'm just going to come out and say it. Relationships are bullshit.
My ex is the girl that I thought I was going to marry, the one who told me all the time that she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with me. I never felt love like that for anyone like before. Her happiness was all that mattered to me and I did anything and everything I could to make her happy. I was cheesy, I always made sure the first and last words she heard everyday were "I love you", I spent every second I could with her, I sent her long sweet texts all the time. For Valentines Day I gave her a giant teddy bear, a half dozen white roses (her favorite), and a card with a hand written note inside. I had given her a white gold heart shaped promise ring with 1 1/2 carats of diamonds in it for Christmas. When I would go see her we would always cuddle up on the couch and watch TV. The feeling I got when I was holding her in my arms was the most amazing feeling in the world. I didn't do these things to get anything (I told her I was okay to wait for sex) I did it because it, I thought, made her feel special and that made me happy. I was content.
What I didn't realize at the time was that love made me blind. It made me blind to the signs that I was being used. It made me blind to the bullshit excuses that she gave me all the time as to why we couldn't go out. She would tell me that her grandmother, who she lived with, wouldn't let her go out or wouldn't let me go see her. I was lucky if I saw her more than once a week. She would somehow always find time to hang out with her friends though some of which were guys. I looked past all that though all because I loved her completely.
I thought everything was great until one day I had asked to come over and she said I couldn't because her friend who is also her ex was going over to her place to study. I said it was fine with it. I knew there was a problem though when she stopped texting me when...
I'm just going to come out and say it. Relationships are bullshit.
My ex is the girl that I thought I was going to marry, the one who told me all the time that she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with me. I never felt love like that for anyone like before. Her happiness was all that mattered to me and I did anything and everything I could to make her happy. I was cheesy, I always made sure the first and last words she heard everyday were "I love you", I spent every second I could with her, I sent her long sweet texts all the time. For Valentines Day I gave her a giant teddy bear, a half dozen white roses (her favorite), and a card with a hand written note inside. I had given her a white gold heart shaped promise ring with 1 1/2 carats of diamonds in it for Christmas. When I would go see her we would always cuddle up on the couch and watch TV. The feeling I got when I was holding her in my arms was the most amazing feeling in the world. I didn't do these things to get anything (I told her I was okay to wait for sex) I did it because it, I thought, made her feel special and that made me happy. I was content.
What I didn't realize at the time was that love made me blind. It made me blind to the signs that I was being used. It made me blind to the bullshit excuses that she gave me all the time as to why we couldn't go out. She would tell me that her grandmother, who she lived with, wouldn't let her go out or wouldn't let me go see her. I was lucky if I saw her more than once a week. She would somehow always find time to hang out with her friends though some of which were guys. I looked past all that though all because I loved her completely.
I thought everything was great until one day I had asked to come over and she said I couldn't because her friend who is also her ex was going over to her place to study. I said it was fine with it. I knew there was a problem though when she stopped texting me when he got there and I didn't hear from her again until the next morning when I got one of the worst texts I have ever gotten. She told me that her grandmother had went to bed and left them alone (when I was there she never left us alone and when she went to bed I had to leave) and they got drunk and the guy took a sleeping pill and had to go to the hospital. Needless to say I was furious. She, however, didn't see a problem with what she did and asked why I wasn't being supportive because apparently people at her school found out about it and were talking shit about her and that she didn't need my shit too. The next day, the girl I loved with all of my heart, who I was convinced I was going to spend the rest of my life with, who told me I was perfect for her, broke up with me over a text message on her way out of town.
Needless to say I felt like my whole world crumbled around me. I had never felt such sadness and despair and grief in my entire life. I was like this for several months but couldn't show it because I had other things going on at that time and did not have the luxury of being able to fall apart. I realized after that though, when I did have time for some self-reflection, what really bothered me about it was the disrespect. The more I thought about how disrespectfully she treated me the less sad I felt and the angrier I became. To make it worse it made me feel stupid. How could I be so blind and stupid? Didn't I deserve a chance to save the relationship? Didn't I deserve the common courtesy for her to do it to my face? Shouldn't my feelings matter?
The more I thought about it the more I realized that all women have treated me this way. Like I am some emotional tampon that they use when they need me and throw me away after they're done with me. I have never gotten any respect from women, ever. No matter what I do for them, it is never appreciated. To them relationships are a one way street: I give, give, give and they take, take, take. Like I didn't deserve the affection they reserved for guys that wouldn't put up with their shit for 5 seconds. Guys that they would turn around and complain to me about. Whenever I did get into a relationship they would treat me like a nuisance, like I was needy just because I wanted to be treated like their boyfriend instead of an acquaintance. I started to wonder if it was me and I realized it wasn't. I did not deserve to be treated like a sack of shit just because I was a decent person trying to be there for someone I care about. I am not a toy. I am a smart and decent man and I would not be punished by women for being empathetic. I will not take part in a system that thinks that hypocrisy is okay. That I am supposed to care more about her than she does about me. That it is okay for a woman to disrespect me but expects me to respect and adore her.
As you might expect I have been singe ever since but I am okay with that. I would rather be alone than be treated like that again. The way I see it, if a girl who told me she loved me more than anything and wanted to marry me would drop me at the drop of a hat, then anybody could. I have learned that love makes me stupid and blinds me to the truth. If relationships actually worked how they were supposed to with me then that wouldn't be a problem because the woman would love me back and could be trusted not to take advantage of me. Unfortunately we live in an imperfect world. So I have forsaken hope in finding someone that would treat me the way I deserve to be treated; as an equal. I will never find someone who will appreciate what I do for them and love me every bit as much as I love them. I don't expect any more from the woman than what I put into the relationship. I cannot however do all the work. It is not fair to me and I do not deserve it and will not stand for it. Do I wish I could find that woman? The one who would treat me the way she wanted to be treated and respect me the way she wants me to respect her. A mutually beneficial relationship. Yes I do. I want to be proved wrong but unfortunately I have been vindicated over and over again.
I guess only time will tell...
My ex is the girl that I thought I was going to marry, the one who told me all the time that she couldn't wait to spend the rest of her life with me. I never felt love like that for anyone like before. Her happiness was all that mattered to me and I did anything and everything I could to make her happy. I was cheesy, I always made sure the first and last words she heard everyday were "I love you", I spent every second I could with her, I sent her long sweet texts all the time. For Valentines Day I gave her a giant teddy bear, a half dozen white roses (her favorite), and a card with a hand written note inside. I had given her a white gold heart shaped promise ring with 1 1/2 carats of diamonds in it for Christmas. When I would go see her we would always cuddle up on the couch and watch TV. The feeling I got when I was holding her in my arms was the most amazing feeling in the world. I didn't do these things to get anything (I told her I was okay to wait for sex) I did it because it, I thought, made her feel special and that made me happy. I was content.
What I didn't realize at the time was that love made me blind. It made me blind to the signs that I was being used. It made me blind to the bullshit excuses that she gave me all the time as to why we couldn't go out. She would tell me that her grandmother, who she lived with, wouldn't let her go out or wouldn't let me go see her. I was lucky if I saw her more than once a week. She would somehow always find time to hang out with her friends though some of which were guys. I looked past all that though all because I loved her completely.
I thought everything was great until one day I had asked to come over and she said I couldn't because her friend who is also her ex was going over to her place to study. I said it was fine with it. I knew there was a problem though when she stopped texting me when...