i lost myself somewhere along the way. there are flickers now and then, but mostly it is just some shell of a person i used to be.
i used to be so passionate about and love seeing bands, listening to music, seeing movies, being a bit loopy.... now i just go, meh too much effort and just settle into this boring life.
did i just do like these things becaus ei thought it would bring me acceptance? or did i really like them but now i cant be bothered being so into them that my life depends on it? is it part of getting older? you realise life is not going to be over if you dont go to one big day out, or u miss out on tickets to something? and once you start missing one or two, does it seem less likely you will ever need to go to one again?
i guess my questions come from the last few things i have been to, soundwave, good vibes and so on... i cant get into them anymore, have I changed? or have they changed? I watch bands, and feel nothing that i used to feel when at concerts... when it was so important to be up the front watching bands, being SOOOO into the music... begging my mum to buy me a big day out ticket for xmas every year because it was the most important thing in the world.
i dont know where i was planning to go with this...
maybe it is me... maybe the point is you have to try hard to have an interest or passion, you have to live it everyday, and not try to spread yourself too far across a lot of things?
meh
i used to be so passionate about and love seeing bands, listening to music, seeing movies, being a bit loopy.... now i just go, meh too much effort and just settle into this boring life.
did i just do like these things becaus ei thought it would bring me acceptance? or did i really like them but now i cant be bothered being so into them that my life depends on it? is it part of getting older? you realise life is not going to be over if you dont go to one big day out, or u miss out on tickets to something? and once you start missing one or two, does it seem less likely you will ever need to go to one again?
i guess my questions come from the last few things i have been to, soundwave, good vibes and so on... i cant get into them anymore, have I changed? or have they changed? I watch bands, and feel nothing that i used to feel when at concerts... when it was so important to be up the front watching bands, being SOOOO into the music... begging my mum to buy me a big day out ticket for xmas every year because it was the most important thing in the world.
i dont know where i was planning to go with this...
maybe it is me... maybe the point is you have to try hard to have an interest or passion, you have to live it everyday, and not try to spread yourself too far across a lot of things?
meh
it feels good when all your hard work pays off and is recognised.
we had an incentive thing going at work, every fortnight staff would be judged on sales, duties and attitude.
it started when i first started there, and for the first 4 fortnights i won every time, it kind of lost momentum and i thought it was cos maybe the other staff got annoyed cos i always won, then i became supervisor and i didnt really put my high sales in the running, and it kind of stopped happening.... the ultimate prize i guess from the incentive program was 7 nights paid hotel in one of 9 different places (i think she must have a friend in some accommodation selling club).
Anyway, she told me a couple of weeks ago i won. I was pretty excited... and it is nice to see my hard work noticed. I always work hard, and the incentive program didnt really encourage me to try harder, it was more just i guess a bit of a reward getting a voucher every fortnight.
I am looking forward to having a holiday, not too sure where i want to go.... it is a nice thought having 7 nights paid, but it still means i have to have 7 days off work, which i cant really afford, bt i guess i will see!
I am one of those people who thinks, if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. I guess i am finding it hard getting other people to do things at work. often they do it wrong or not to the standard that i like, or take sooooooooooooooooooooo much longer to do it. so i guess it is hard dealing with that, plus doing all my work too. Some staff are annoying, especially one guy who annoys the fuck out of me. every day he comes to me or the other supervisor asking if it is his 10, or lunch, like if he doesnt get his turn right away he might die, its frustrating. today i asked him to clean up out the back... another girl was on her 10, he spent most of the time talking to her and wasting time when i had given him jobs to do to follow on from that. A big delivery came and the pallets of salt i asked him to put out on the floor were still there. Jess finished her 10 and he comes to me, oh Jess is finished her 10, can i go on mine, and i kind of snapped, i was like NOOOOOOOO! and he was like why? then i was like there are other people who started before you who go first, now move the pallets out of the way. it doesnt sound that bad i guess. its just annoying how he asks all the timeeeeeee.
I also need to learn how to be stronger and not feel bad telling customers they cant get refunds or return certain things just like that. Like it is not my fault your dog doesnt eat optimum, but you picked it, and there is no guarantees on "supermarket" foods. If they bought it from Woolies, they would not even think of taking it back there if the dog doesnt eat it. I guess my problem is that I am not a fan of confrontation, and i need to not be as scared. My boss is pretty strict on her return/credit policy... i guess it comes from her back pocket... i should read up on returns policies so i know the rules so i can use quotes from there so i sound more confident.
NEED TO BE A HARD BITCH
another good thing for work is that there is going to be 3 supervisors. and the other supervisors have bargained with my boss to get a pretty good deal (i wouldnt dream of doing that, i just do what im told/asked, work when i am needed and volunteer far too much to work when needed). So from next week we have a 3 weekly roster... 2 weekends off, 1 weekend on. We also work longer days, so i get 3 days off a week, and still get my 36 or so hours a week...
pretty sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. not getting my hopes up too much, things dont always go to plan but if it does work out FUCK YEAAAAA. I have not ever in my working life had regular weekends off. i usually worked saturdays every week all while grooming, and since going into retail i worked rotating saturdays one week and sundays the next. SO SO SO exciting. I can do real weekend things!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
anyway i should be sleeping, yay...
WOOOOO
we had an incentive thing going at work, every fortnight staff would be judged on sales, duties and attitude.
it started when i first started there, and for the first 4 fortnights i won every time, it kind of lost momentum and i thought it was cos maybe the other staff got annoyed cos i always won, then i became supervisor and i didnt really put my high sales in the running, and it kind of stopped happening.... the ultimate prize i guess from the incentive program was 7 nights paid hotel in one of 9 different places (i think she must have a friend in some accommodation selling club).
Anyway, she told me a couple of weeks ago i won. I was pretty excited... and it is nice to see my hard work noticed. I always work hard, and the incentive program didnt really encourage me to try harder, it was more just i guess a bit of a reward getting a voucher every fortnight.
I am looking forward to having a holiday, not too sure where i want to go.... it is a nice thought having 7 nights paid, but it still means i have to have 7 days off work, which i cant really afford, bt i guess i will see!
I am one of those people who thinks, if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. I guess i am finding it hard getting other people to do things at work. often they do it wrong or not to the standard that i like, or take sooooooooooooooooooooo much longer to do it. so i guess it is hard dealing with that, plus doing all my work too. Some staff are annoying, especially one guy who annoys the fuck out of me. every day he comes to me or the other supervisor asking if it is his 10, or lunch, like if he doesnt get his turn right away he might die, its frustrating. today i asked him to clean up out the back... another girl was on her 10, he spent most of the time talking to her and wasting time when i had given him jobs to do to follow on from that. A big delivery came and the pallets of salt i asked him to put out on the floor were still there. Jess finished her 10 and he comes to me, oh Jess is finished her 10, can i go on mine, and i kind of snapped, i was like NOOOOOOOO! and he was like why? then i was like there are other people who started before you who go first, now move the pallets out of the way. it doesnt sound that bad i guess. its just annoying how he asks all the timeeeeeee.
I also need to learn how to be stronger and not feel bad telling customers they cant get refunds or return certain things just like that. Like it is not my fault your dog doesnt eat optimum, but you picked it, and there is no guarantees on "supermarket" foods. If they bought it from Woolies, they would not even think of taking it back there if the dog doesnt eat it. I guess my problem is that I am not a fan of confrontation, and i need to not be as scared. My boss is pretty strict on her return/credit policy... i guess it comes from her back pocket... i should read up on returns policies so i know the rules so i can use quotes from there so i sound more confident.
NEED TO BE A HARD BITCH
another good thing for work is that there is going to be 3 supervisors. and the other supervisors have bargained with my boss to get a pretty good deal (i wouldnt dream of doing that, i just do what im told/asked, work when i am needed and volunteer far too much to work when needed). So from next week we have a 3 weekly roster... 2 weekends off, 1 weekend on. We also work longer days, so i get 3 days off a week, and still get my 36 or so hours a week...
pretty sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. not getting my hopes up too much, things dont always go to plan but if it does work out FUCK YEAAAAA. I have not ever in my working life had regular weekends off. i usually worked saturdays every week all while grooming, and since going into retail i worked rotating saturdays one week and sundays the next. SO SO SO exciting. I can do real weekend things!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
anyway i should be sleeping, yay...
WOOOOO
so it seems another valentine's day has passed with me being single... this time it has been my own choice lol
i havent posted in a while, so i thought i would update...
i broke up with miles (as per last entry) and i thought it was going to be an easy get away...
for a few days it was, then he kept trying to chat with me, sending me texts about how much he missed me how he couldnt stop thinking about me etc (if it was another situation it would be flattering but it was just annoying), i ignored the messages (cos to be honest it is so much easier and more pleasant not being with him) so they stopped for a bit... then i get this text message "do you have a valentine" i ignore.... then get on facebook and he starts to chat, then he says will i be his valentine? and im like FFSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. i guess it hasnt really been too bad, but he wants some shirts back that he left here... i dont really wanna see him, so trying to work out how to get out of seeing him.
in that time as well, the guy i was seeing beginning of last year started messaging me... and i quickly grew tired of the same old shit he used to go on with. so i started ignoring his texts and i kept getting messages like im going to delete your number etc, and so i thought sweeeeeeeeeeeet, but i got a text today saying happy valentines day.
reading this back i am realising i am a cold heartless insensitive detached bitch... but i dont really care... im too busy with work to put up with that kind of crap atm...
speaking of work, i fear it is taking over my life... lots of pressure and stress, i think it is just worse right at this point or seems it, cos i have worked 9 days straight... technically i had 2 days off, but those days i had my forklift licence and did a few hours after each of those days so i havent really had a chance to turn off the brain... i was hoping for a sleep in, but remembered i have a boxing class in the morning. not that i can sleep in anyway, i keep waking up at like 5 or 6am each morning. DAMN YOU SUN.
i must sleep, stuffed, worn out, bad spelling and grammar ahoy.
toodles
i havent posted in a while, so i thought i would update...
i broke up with miles (as per last entry) and i thought it was going to be an easy get away...
for a few days it was, then he kept trying to chat with me, sending me texts about how much he missed me how he couldnt stop thinking about me etc (if it was another situation it would be flattering but it was just annoying), i ignored the messages (cos to be honest it is so much easier and more pleasant not being with him) so they stopped for a bit... then i get this text message "do you have a valentine" i ignore.... then get on facebook and he starts to chat, then he says will i be his valentine? and im like FFSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. i guess it hasnt really been too bad, but he wants some shirts back that he left here... i dont really wanna see him, so trying to work out how to get out of seeing him.
in that time as well, the guy i was seeing beginning of last year started messaging me... and i quickly grew tired of the same old shit he used to go on with. so i started ignoring his texts and i kept getting messages like im going to delete your number etc, and so i thought sweeeeeeeeeeeet, but i got a text today saying happy valentines day.
reading this back i am realising i am a cold heartless insensitive detached bitch... but i dont really care... im too busy with work to put up with that kind of crap atm...
speaking of work, i fear it is taking over my life... lots of pressure and stress, i think it is just worse right at this point or seems it, cos i have worked 9 days straight... technically i had 2 days off, but those days i had my forklift licence and did a few hours after each of those days so i havent really had a chance to turn off the brain... i was hoping for a sleep in, but remembered i have a boxing class in the morning. not that i can sleep in anyway, i keep waking up at like 5 or 6am each morning. DAMN YOU SUN.
i must sleep, stuffed, worn out, bad spelling and grammar ahoy.
toodles
so i broke up with miles... while i feel bad for upsetting him, i feel much better now!
not that it was bad, it was just it wasn't working and it was bringing me down...
YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEElol
not that it was bad, it was just it wasn't working and it was bringing me down...
YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEElol
so 2010 is coming to a close.
it has been one of the most exciting and best years i have had.
i started the year off in Brisbane living with Allure, we had the best time, we kept each other motivated and on the straight and narrow (ie... eating good food)... my confidence was at an all time high, i was happy and healthy and enjoying life... i was the lightest i had been in like 10+ years and was becoming happy within myself.
i moved back to the gold coast in July-ish and around this time everything happened.... i started seeing Miles, I got a new job, i stopped going to the gym, i stopped my anti-d's and i started eating badly again...which is no one's fault but my own. And even tho I should be happy, i feel meh, i have no energy and just feel blergh. I've put on 10kg since then which is upsetting cos i worked so hard to get to the point i was at. I guess i feel disappointed that i lost myself along the way and havent really devoted time to myself the last few months. I've started at the gym again but dont go as often as i should, but I am going to change that... just change my routine a bit and focus on myself first, others 2nd. I need to get my head right so I can be happy and enjoy things to the fullest.
I had a bit of a break financially wise, but will get back into paying stuff in January. Hermit time again... but hopefully that means i will focus on my health and fitness more. I need to get my eating right again.
Christmas was different this year... I spent the day with Miles' family... completely different from how my family spends it... not sure if i like it...
I scored well in the presents department (friends wise) i got a laptop cooler thing, a cool panda necklace/earring set, plus heaps more but my brain isnt working.
I was a little disappointed with my presents from miles and his family.... i really didnt want anything from his parents and i didnt want to get anything for them. but i had to, so i spent a fair bit on them cos i was told they expected certain things, didnt like vouchers etc.... so i bought nice things, and in return i got a bag (i love the bag i already have and i was annoyed miles told them to get me a bag), candles and shit (i hate candles), franjipanni earrings (i HATE franjipanni things) and a sarong (since when do i wear sarongs?) i know i sound ungrateful but fuck, a little research or even miles opening up his eyes would go a long way - thennnnnnnnnnn apparently i didnt make enough fuss about my presents and his parents were upset. wtf...
im not sure if i am made out for this.
anyway i am off, not really going far, just to play petville, my new facebook addiction.
booyeah
ttfn
it has been one of the most exciting and best years i have had.
i started the year off in Brisbane living with Allure, we had the best time, we kept each other motivated and on the straight and narrow (ie... eating good food)... my confidence was at an all time high, i was happy and healthy and enjoying life... i was the lightest i had been in like 10+ years and was becoming happy within myself.
i moved back to the gold coast in July-ish and around this time everything happened.... i started seeing Miles, I got a new job, i stopped going to the gym, i stopped my anti-d's and i started eating badly again...which is no one's fault but my own. And even tho I should be happy, i feel meh, i have no energy and just feel blergh. I've put on 10kg since then which is upsetting cos i worked so hard to get to the point i was at. I guess i feel disappointed that i lost myself along the way and havent really devoted time to myself the last few months. I've started at the gym again but dont go as often as i should, but I am going to change that... just change my routine a bit and focus on myself first, others 2nd. I need to get my head right so I can be happy and enjoy things to the fullest.
I had a bit of a break financially wise, but will get back into paying stuff in January. Hermit time again... but hopefully that means i will focus on my health and fitness more. I need to get my eating right again.
Christmas was different this year... I spent the day with Miles' family... completely different from how my family spends it... not sure if i like it...
I scored well in the presents department (friends wise) i got a laptop cooler thing, a cool panda necklace/earring set, plus heaps more but my brain isnt working.
I was a little disappointed with my presents from miles and his family.... i really didnt want anything from his parents and i didnt want to get anything for them. but i had to, so i spent a fair bit on them cos i was told they expected certain things, didnt like vouchers etc.... so i bought nice things, and in return i got a bag (i love the bag i already have and i was annoyed miles told them to get me a bag), candles and shit (i hate candles), franjipanni earrings (i HATE franjipanni things) and a sarong (since when do i wear sarongs?) i know i sound ungrateful but fuck, a little research or even miles opening up his eyes would go a long way - thennnnnnnnnnn apparently i didnt make enough fuss about my presents and his parents were upset. wtf...
im not sure if i am made out for this.
anyway i am off, not really going far, just to play petville, my new facebook addiction.
booyeah
ttfn
so my blackberry is fucked (got a storm, screen is cracked, if i claim insurance there is a $220 excess).
my contract runs out in april, but vodafone have this thing where you can upgrade for free at 21 months soooo in January I can get a new phone.
thing is, i want a new phone NOW. my screen and phone are seriously giving me the shits, so much so, i just wanna chuck it and smash it on the ground.
i was dead set on getting an iphone 4, but one of my friends was like, dont get an iphone get an android phone... the main reason i wanted a iphone was cos of the apps, especially hipstamatic. but after some searching i realised android have a similar app or two to that plus they are free.
soooo i have kind of been swayed. the phone i am looking at instead of the iphone is Sony Ericsson Xperia X10. the camera is an 8.1 mp camera, and it has pretty good reviews...
is there different android phones that are better? or should i stick to an iphone?
in the mean time i am going to go crazy cos my current phone is giving me the shits. i could get a cheap temporary phone but i cant use a normal non touch screen phone anymore lol
my contract runs out in april, but vodafone have this thing where you can upgrade for free at 21 months soooo in January I can get a new phone.
thing is, i want a new phone NOW. my screen and phone are seriously giving me the shits, so much so, i just wanna chuck it and smash it on the ground.
i was dead set on getting an iphone 4, but one of my friends was like, dont get an iphone get an android phone... the main reason i wanted a iphone was cos of the apps, especially hipstamatic. but after some searching i realised android have a similar app or two to that plus they are free.
soooo i have kind of been swayed. the phone i am looking at instead of the iphone is Sony Ericsson Xperia X10. the camera is an 8.1 mp camera, and it has pretty good reviews...
is there different android phones that are better? or should i stick to an iphone?
in the mean time i am going to go crazy cos my current phone is giving me the shits. i could get a cheap temporary phone but i cant use a normal non touch screen phone anymore lol
JUNE 2011
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MAY 2011
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APRIL 2011
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MARCH 2011