remuemenage

Heard from Sunfeather (pm). You know he's "left," right? Do you hear from him? He's trying to stay sober and is pretty miserable. It makes me sad to hear him sound so desperate. He's not amenable to advice at this stage, though, so all I can do is be supportive in a quiet way.

I apologize. I didn't exactly "request" the enumeration you describe, though. If you recall, I was simply saying that type of confessional writing seems to work for some other people, like my friend Stompbox. Certainly, we can let it drop. I'm sick myself, but I seem to have a hard time dealing with other sick people. Often they just can't talk about it. I guess I understand that. When I'm doing pretty well I hate to think about my attacks. I think I even somehow sometimes bring them on by thinking about them. But talking . . . I guess sometimes I'm looking for comraderie in illness, so that is different for me from thinking about it all alone. Talking feels like support to me. So, you've given me a lot of information I have to digest. We can tiptoe around this, but forgive me if sometimes I tread where I shouldn't. You know what happened with me and k: same thing.

Sunfeather does seem to cultivate misery to me, too. I hate to say that about him, and he would no doubt be mad about my saying so. He doesn't want advice or even reports of experience because it is as though I'm "managing" his depression, and he feels "beseiged" by my concerns. I have had mucho experience with alcoholics, including my own father, who drank himself to death by my age. Alcoholics have a personality set: charming but stubbornly refusing to solve their problems. They are like babies, wanting attention. I love Sunfeather to death, too--his charm is disarming--but he is lumped in my mind and almost heart with my inflated dope of a soul sucker ex bf.

Have you seen the old series Brideshead Revisted, by Evelyn Waugh. It is the damned truth about alcoholics. Right on. Worth renting if you do movies.

Be well.

I will be travelling with my husband this year. We will be going to MA USA to stay with Saveme for a month from beginning of june to beginning of july. I look forward to that. Hopefully you are not too far away for us to see you as well.

and love and health to you. i hope 2007 started great and will let hope for more.

Wow! What a testimonial! Thank you. You really have a talent for writing them, but then that's no wonder, considering how well you pen your other little darling gems.

goddammit! i still haven't figured out how to do picture posts on this new mac! see how everybody suffers because of this?

i am not sure if i found one. sometimes yes, sometimes no. probably not. sigh. it is not easy to commit myself to someone. i am already so commited to my daughter. i love her to pieces and the connection between us is pure magic. i can't quite describe it.

dude who is that "Araki" girl you posted in the albums?

good to see you here. i missed you.

I like local radio, particularly at night...and particularly in rural areas. It's fabulous.

We are friends now.

I like the laocal radio because of the appalling DJ's and the old dears that phone in to chat them up. It's just fabulous.

That response that I've tried to work up for you--it came out as my latest journal entry. But, yes, having and raising children, or child, is the purest joy I've known, and so completely unexpected. Until I was 30, I was positive I did not want any children. I ended up researching the question, though, and was convinced by my "try everything once" philosophy. Even while I was pregnant I was ambivalent, but you always remember that first look into your child's eyes. The memory will stop you dead in your tracks. It may be a trick of nature to protect the genetic investment, but it is a pretty good trick. And pair-bonding is the only real way we've figured out for raising young. Very hard on everyone involved to do that sort of thing alone. I guess the best living arrangement is to pair bond and have lots of affairs on the side, ya know?

The warmth in the societal acceptance of marriage--that does fade away as a sufficient motivation. It drives the wedding and even, to some extent, the birth of children, but after about 10 years it ceases to mean anything or drive any particular feelings. At least for me that was the case.

Hope you had a good weekend. I first typed "god weekend." Well, hope you had that too, I suppose.

that speed-writing experiemnt totally kicked my butt! thanks so much for the luv/support!

Ha! know that feeling!
'Backsliding' is such a great word, I must learn how to use it...

I've been thinking, lately, of my life as inhabiting a kind of high, and rarified, but desperately arid plateau. If I can articulate this properly, I'll put it in my journal.

I'm sure you're right re. freedom of speech in Amerika: i.e. you're fine so long as you've got money behind you. Kinda depressing really. I'm afraid that is as astute as my political commentary is going to get tonight, halfway into a bottle of South African ros...

Thank you for all the great musical selections for my sister. I came up with a ruse: I asked her to help pick out romantic music for a mixed cd I'm making for surly.

Awwwww . . .

Your compliments are a balm to the bruised artist's soul.

*glow*

And a recipe (as requested) . . .

starisea's pacific rainforest risotto

8 oz fiddlehead ferns (roasted)
3 1/2 c chicken broth
4 T butter
6 baby shallots (chopped)
6-8 morels (chopped)
1 c arborio rice
1/4 c grated parmesan cheese

Pre-heat oven to 425 degrees. Wash & trim ferns. Toss with 1 T olive oil and pinch of salt. Spread evenly on a cookie sheet and roast for 10 minutes, stirring after 5 minutes. Remove from oven and set aside.

Pour broth into a small sauce pan and bring to a simmer over medium heat. Reduce heat to low.

Meanwhile, melt butter in a medium skillet over medium-high heat. Add shallots and morels and cook, stirring often, until soft. Add rice and stir until opaque and well coated with butter.

Add 1/2 c of the broth and cook, stirring until absorbed. Continue to cook, adding remaining broth 1/2 c at a time, until rice is just tender to bite but not starchy tasting (This process will take aproximately 20 minutes); after each addition , stir constantly until broth is absorbed. Remove from heat and stir in cheese; let stand, uncovered, for 2 minutes. Top with roasted ferns and serve.

I am soooooo foodcentric lately, but I blame the amazing abundance of the Pacific Northwest summer. I can't escape the wonderful fooooooods!!

This has me nostalgic for when I used to swim regularly, which already feels like a long time ago. I certainly remember wanting to take fellow swimmers into my mouth...


On your points:

Re. five favorite friends being like cruel schoolgirls: Yes, and I'm not playing.

Re. Everything is Illuminated - didn't see the movie, partly cos I thought I might want to read the book (and now I do) and I hate reading the book after I've already seen the movie and know the story...
But 'screwball magical realism' would be a reasonable assessment of Extremely Loud too...

Re. your photo: is that a bear?
And have you seen Grizzly Man?
Rrwooaaarr! [why isn't there an SG smiley of a bear?]

Re. The Passenger: there is an article in the new issue of Sight & Sound, which just arrived in my letterbox, reassessing Antonioni's movie thirty years after its initial release. This is clearly a sign that I need to get around to seeing this movie. I like Jack Nicholson and Maria Sch(n?)eider anyway. I will try and check it out of the library one of these days, though I don't have too many free evenings what with all these sporting events...

Cheers ears!

Your words are always so elegantly eloquent.

I'm not used to using the new camera for taking self-portraits. It's got a completely different balance. So many blurry photos before your request was finally realized.

(Of course, I could have used the tripod if I wasn't so lazy.)

Tell me more about the modern marble art garden of the empire state plaza. It sounds very intriguing. I want to hear about it in remuemenage words of wonder.



PS~ Take apostleofsanta's advice and read some R.A. Wilson. He is one of my gurus! Excellent stuff about the "big questions" all wrapped up in a yummy layer of humor and irreverance.