my soul is blistered from the last salvo of exams, but the worst is over and Summer beckons ... and an interesting Summer it promises to be!
good friends of mine are through-hiking the Appalachian Trail from West Virginia to Maine - I'll be accompanying them through portions of Vermont. on top of that an SG friend from New Zealand (... Read More
Thanks. Revised somewhat, you'll find it at typepad, too. I'm glad I started dreaming about something other than my stressful dayjob, at leas. I figured out how to put the pix on my pages, so I'm all over it, now. I thought my subscription here actually ran out before now. ??? Anyway, I will make the shift, if for no other reason than that I can't quite stomach the thought that my 12-year-old son knows there is something unsavory (kept secret) about the site I blog on. Call me old-fashioned, but I care very much that he regard women . . . well, not primarily as pleasure objects.
I think that was honestly the best advice I've ever got about this. I don't know how you allways manage to say things in so beautiful way that it shows you have loads of emotional intelligence.
I'm gonna try to cut her out of my conciousness...feel better allready
Ah, sorry. Your comment about the Territories reminded me of their collaboration The Talisman.
I agree re community and the quality of the membership. (Not that I spend time online anywhere else, mind...) And about the pics, as well; they are secondary.
Academies are not for everyone; non-academies are not for everyone; non-everyone is not for academies; everybody's academies are for somebody's; somebody's academies are for nobody's.....................
I should only be away a month or two, something like that. And when I come back I think I'll be making myself minimal.
Today, I'd settle for relief from my bosslady. Too long and mundane of a story to spew altogether into this "hallowed" space, but I was called in and reprimanded for sending her a somewhat harsh email last week and cc'ing her boss on it. She told me I needed to stand back and think about the tone of my emails before I sent them. I said, "I did. I knew I would get in trouble for jumping chain of command, and it was worth it." She is conciliatory to an extreme, and when I go to her with a problem, she "asks" whether it is something I'm doing, instead of moving to solve the problem. So I laid it out for her phoniness today, because I cannot keep working nights and weekends to compensate for the procedural inefficiences. Funny thing is, the 3 managers and director spent their own "strategy" meeting on my issue today, and now the inefficiencies are being seriously investigated for redress in six different areas. If people keep rewarding me for being a straight-shooting asshole, no telling what might happen. Maybe they are all afraid of me, too, huh? I noticed her hands were shaking; that's when I relaxed and nailed her every evasion to plainspoken daylight. I told her I was honest; she said no one had ever called her integrity into question; I said I wasn't calling her integrity into question but was calling her directness into question.
The terror is always there for me, too, even in a mundane office setting where people may well be more afraid of me than I realize. My father died on me, and, ever since, I'm terrified I'll lose everything, any minute now . . .
every morning I walk down into the city to find its brave smiling face and beating heart. beggars spooked by their own shadow - the shallow pools of their eyes speaking pain & loss. a transvestite strolling down state street like a rare... Read More
yesterday:
the stillness of the city on a Saturday morning. black men joyously greeting one another. the breeze in my face filled with the promise of Spring - birdsong dancing in the air. waiting for my bike to get back from the shop - the exhilarating feeling of pushing yourself through space
today:
buses trundle through the grey wakening city - the pulse of life... Read More
sorry i haven't been keeping up. i don't spend that much time here anymore. thanks for all your wonderful comments. and i apreciated the Hughes poem. as for habiits and remedies; i have dropped anything serious and now cling only to the smelly and banal addiction of menthol cigarettes. (hopefully to be traded soon) anyway, i hope this finds you well, and that you continue in Fate's favor. thanks again. --john
Hey, I've had to work most weekends and nights this month, and it doesn't look like bosslady will give me time off to go on family vacation with my family. DAMN. Work can be so invasive. It isn't just the time per se; it is that because of the time I don't even feel like myself. I'm tongue-tied. I have some roaringly funny ideas for entries. But can't get them up. Don't give up on me.
i finished the challenge. added something yellow to my blog. not a photo, but a scan of some art i've just done. hope you are doing well. i'm always starting to wonder when I don't see you around for a while.
I've been somewhat silent about my artistic tendencies in here, now that I think of it. I have suffered from being way too critical about my art and that has kept me from doing it for too long a time. But now I find that something strange has happened and I'm free from my own silly expectations and limits; all I want to do now is to draw. It's liberating.
It feels both sad and good, in a strange way, to read people from all around the world writing about the radical changes in the climate; not having a real winter this year etc. In a way, it reminds me how this poor planet really is all of ours and every man's actions have global effects. Like you said, it indeed is a truly fascinating time to be living on this ball right now.
a vagrant appetite for symmetry voices deep viola da gamba rhythmns echoing through velvet sinew and spreading to every fibre of knowing with voracious energy and exquisite velocity
until a vesper sparrow perch is necessary, a vantage to unlock a pure vast language as intricate as Venetian glass and as untrammeled and luminescent as Van Gogh's swirling... Read More
Yes, I put up James's remark because it was apropos. He's just flirting with me, though, as he does everyone. I just loved that line--your big vocabulary and your Versace eyewear. So funny. I love to collect beautiful little things people say, especially when they are so spontaneous.
Earlier in the year, I had decided, on the basis of two discussions--one with my sister, and one with a male friend of 24 years--that the reason people quit speaking to me, including a couple of people here, was jealousy. This was the word brought up by both my sister and my friend Ira. Of course, intimidation works about as well, and is somewhat related--or can be. A feeling of not measuring up.
I have to go help my son finish his analysis of "Be Yourself." Due tomorrow.
I don't know which site will end up my long-term home. I wish Sunfeather would be more regular about writing. We could start building a new community: our own.
I meant the book, V for Vendetta. The movie, while good, pales in comparison. There are a ton of V alliterations which ur piece reminded me of. U really should read it .
I agree with u on both points. I do hope the Democrats will sieze the opertunity, and after the election they did seem to regain some confidence. I recall thinking "the Democrats actually have **positions** on stuff!!" lol. But they have been so apathetic (like the rest of the intelligent people in this country) that Im worried that they wont affect any real change. Also, I think global warming being treated like an issuies of national securty would be good, but I dont think that will happen until the situation gets much worse. This is a case where I think it has to get worse before it gets better. The general populace has to know that there really is a serious problem and not think the democrats are chasing shadows, otherwise they wont stay in power and not only will global warming not be dealed with, but many other important issues could be thwarted.
I don't ask it of you. I never did. Nor am I seeking or giving therapy.
My son has to analyze a song for middle school. He chose Audioslave's "Be Yourself." "To be yourself is all that you can do." That is true for you, and that is true for me. In my blogs I show what it means to be me. That's all. I don't ask. Kenyon made this fatal mistake. She imagined I was dropping innuendos for her in my blog entries. That was the beginning of her misunderstanding, and you know how it ended: she lost all faith in me and cut me. Playing at the knife's edge of honesty isn't child's play, I realize. It isn't for everyone. Noneless, to be myself is all that I can do. How people react is, I guess, all that they can do. So, we watch what happens. If I feel beseiged unjustly again, I can always leave again. I have quiet blank pages in a notebook somewhere in real life, I think.
As for feeling any wiser about you, or thinking ill of you for knowing you have a physical ailment that isn't your fault or your doing--I do not believe it is possible to learn less. So, yes, I learned more. We are always moving toward more, so long as we are engaged, appreciate, and are open. Anyone who graces me with his best words, most delicate intelligences, and love of poetry as you have will not easily find me shaken from my loyalty to him. If you want a break with me, it will have to come from you. I have no quarrel whatsoever with you in this life.
~cheers