IPOD
RADIO
September....
Wow... summer's over. The Doggies are all back in their cages. And I'm now working as a Flyman on a Chinese Opera out in Richmond ( near the vancouver Airport ) every day I drive to work I'm wanting to take the overpass that takes me to the departure gate. Not, that I don't like Chinese Opera, ( The community group that puts the show on are very nice and generous - they gave all the theatre crew 20 dollars in red envelopes - luck money on top of giving all the performers and chinese crew the same. Plus feeding us the best potstickers that I've ever had in my life.
It's just that I've had no days off for about 20 days. And I now have a week of Chinese Opera to make it through. We hung all the drops and sent the theatre's drape and traveler trim and then they let me go ( which meant I could get Rent and some laundry done...) But, that means I'm going to get maybe a 1/2 day of rehersal for a show that I understand changes every evening till sunday. I dread fucking up. And I'm too tired to chanel all the great vibes I got from the great spot gig on Spamalot in july to get myself to sleep well.
And the Stage manager is Chinese ( and he doesn't speak the best english ) which I fear could cause confusion about what I'm pulling in or out on the fly rail. So, I've asked him to refer to everything by line set numbers. Because I have no Idea what scene is what as it's all in mandarin.
I guess I could be glad that my jobs not boring... straight from dogs to chinese opera....
Wow... summer's over. The Doggies are all back in their cages. And I'm now working as a Flyman on a Chinese Opera out in Richmond ( near the vancouver Airport ) every day I drive to work I'm wanting to take the overpass that takes me to the departure gate. Not, that I don't like Chinese Opera, ( The community group that puts the show on are very nice and generous - they gave all the theatre crew 20 dollars in red envelopes - luck money on top of giving all the performers and chinese crew the same. Plus feeding us the best potstickers that I've ever had in my life.
It's just that I've had no days off for about 20 days. And I now have a week of Chinese Opera to make it through. We hung all the drops and sent the theatre's drape and traveler trim and then they let me go ( which meant I could get Rent and some laundry done...) But, that means I'm going to get maybe a 1/2 day of rehersal for a show that I understand changes every evening till sunday. I dread fucking up. And I'm too tired to chanel all the great vibes I got from the great spot gig on Spamalot in july to get myself to sleep well.
And the Stage manager is Chinese ( and he doesn't speak the best english ) which I fear could cause confusion about what I'm pulling in or out on the fly rail. So, I've asked him to refer to everything by line set numbers. Because I have no Idea what scene is what as it's all in mandarin.
I guess I could be glad that my jobs not boring... straight from dogs to chinese opera....
SuperDogs....
Here's my current gig...
Hopefully this link works. Because it's really the only way to describe the show. Tens of Dogs running Helter Skelter 24/ 7 for 16 days in a row. Three shows a day, no stopping. No time for paying bills, doing laundry. Just tens of dogs and thousands of familes and kids cheering screaming and petting dogs. While munching down copious amounts of fatty fair food.
It's amazing what people will actually pay tickets for. I mean, dogs jumping over PVC pipe. Running through plastic tubes. Catching Frisbees?... this is entertainment?
To some people I guess. There stuck in the middle of thousands of cheering Superdog fan I'll admit it's hard not to get caught up in the cheering insanity. And I'll admit I love all the cute dogs. And thw little kids who come down out of the stands, after every show to pet the dogs. And the trainers, they clearly love their animals. In the same obsessive way that I love theatre. So, I find myself getting them but not.
It's all the fair people I can't stand, so far, after half the fair is over. All the zombie Suburbia families on their last summer vacation jaunt. Wandering to and fro. With no real central purpose. Working around them, during the fair. it's like dodging a huge scattered field, full of neon orange parking pylons. That you can't hit for fear of getting demerits. It's very frustrating... I'm trying to take it all in stride. Be Zen about it all. but, it's not working. I need a really loud, rock show desperately.
Here's my current gig...
Hopefully this link works. Because it's really the only way to describe the show. Tens of Dogs running Helter Skelter 24/ 7 for 16 days in a row. Three shows a day, no stopping. No time for paying bills, doing laundry. Just tens of dogs and thousands of familes and kids cheering screaming and petting dogs. While munching down copious amounts of fatty fair food.
It's amazing what people will actually pay tickets for. I mean, dogs jumping over PVC pipe. Running through plastic tubes. Catching Frisbees?... this is entertainment?
To some people I guess. There stuck in the middle of thousands of cheering Superdog fan I'll admit it's hard not to get caught up in the cheering insanity. And I'll admit I love all the cute dogs. And thw little kids who come down out of the stands, after every show to pet the dogs. And the trainers, they clearly love their animals. In the same obsessive way that I love theatre. So, I find myself getting them but not.
It's all the fair people I can't stand, so far, after half the fair is over. All the zombie Suburbia families on their last summer vacation jaunt. Wandering to and fro. With no real central purpose. Working around them, during the fair. it's like dodging a huge scattered field, full of neon orange parking pylons. That you can't hit for fear of getting demerits. It's very frustrating... I'm trying to take it all in stride. Be Zen about it all. but, it's not working. I need a really loud, rock show desperately.
Here and Now...
Fall seems to have come early... I'm O.K. with that... I'm and Industrial/goth kid, who works in dark theatres. Summer was never my forte.
My Brother ( Who's sadly turned out to be the kind of lying, cheating, asshole Douche-bag that I call other guys who score innocent, young, multiple women and leave them, fucked up in their wake ) is prepping to move to Germany to meet up with his new, younger lover girl. While he is trying to work my parents for money to pay for divorcing my Sister In Law.
Thankfully, my conservative, proper parents who love my Sister in Law aren't helping one bit. they're staying completely out of it.
I've been in compassion mode all summer with my Sister in law, who has been a part of my family for about 12 years. She's Asian and is in super blame herself mode. Her parents aren't helping on bit as well. So, I sense that I'm the only close caregiver in this situation. As to that I said, " look, once my Brother's gone I'll pay you up front for the parking space. And you should save that money for a trip or some counseling." And I hope when he's gone she gets a roommate to share the flat, and gets on with her life.
As my bother is bailing - ( before paying me back about a car repair I had to do to my car. Which he caused out of not listening to me in the first place. ) But , found out that I offered to pay from here on out for the free parking spot, at my soon to be sister's place. A parking spot that I've had for the last few years for free at, what was also his place. ( We dealed a right to him using my car when needed - I even put him on the insurance papers. ) My sister in law doesn't drive. So, she deserves to get some compensation for me using the parking space after he's gone.
Really, I offered the same deal to my Brother three years ago and he opted to have free rights to borrow the car barring any accidental repair - and then blew the timing belt. Causing a 600.00 dollar repair to the engine which I payed for. Promised me tires in return and never delivered. And now, my newly Douch-bag brother is all livid and angry at me that I'm going to help my sister in law out financially after he leaves for Europe.
Real relatives can be such assholes.... I like the choice relatives better.
Fall seems to have come early... I'm O.K. with that... I'm and Industrial/goth kid, who works in dark theatres. Summer was never my forte.
My Brother ( Who's sadly turned out to be the kind of lying, cheating, asshole Douche-bag that I call other guys who score innocent, young, multiple women and leave them, fucked up in their wake ) is prepping to move to Germany to meet up with his new, younger lover girl. While he is trying to work my parents for money to pay for divorcing my Sister In Law.
Thankfully, my conservative, proper parents who love my Sister in Law aren't helping one bit. they're staying completely out of it.
I've been in compassion mode all summer with my Sister in law, who has been a part of my family for about 12 years. She's Asian and is in super blame herself mode. Her parents aren't helping on bit as well. So, I sense that I'm the only close caregiver in this situation. As to that I said, " look, once my Brother's gone I'll pay you up front for the parking space. And you should save that money for a trip or some counseling." And I hope when he's gone she gets a roommate to share the flat, and gets on with her life.
As my bother is bailing - ( before paying me back about a car repair I had to do to my car. Which he caused out of not listening to me in the first place. ) But , found out that I offered to pay from here on out for the free parking spot, at my soon to be sister's place. A parking spot that I've had for the last few years for free at, what was also his place. ( We dealed a right to him using my car when needed - I even put him on the insurance papers. ) My sister in law doesn't drive. So, she deserves to get some compensation for me using the parking space after he's gone.
Really, I offered the same deal to my Brother three years ago and he opted to have free rights to borrow the car barring any accidental repair - and then blew the timing belt. Causing a 600.00 dollar repair to the engine which I payed for. Promised me tires in return and never delivered. And now, my newly Douch-bag brother is all livid and angry at me that I'm going to help my sister in law out financially after he leaves for Europe.
Real relatives can be such assholes.... I like the choice relatives better.
1976
I was 9 years old living in Rossland B.C.
America and anything American was cool. Even in Canada, on the west coast, American flags were in. Sure, there was the 76 Olympics in Montreal but for a kid at age 9 on the other side of the continent, Quebec was another country. I do remember watching the gymnastics events with my sister and this girl Lizzy.
I remember indian style leather fringe jackets, ( I had one ) and Engineer boots were everywhere. And "Chopper Style" Bicycles..... Dirty Harry.....In 1976 Clint Eastwood was god. People wore clothing that had odd colours like and beige, off yellow and browns in them. Western shirts and really blue GWG's with red stitching. Girls wore bell bottoms, with jeans that had no pockets. And wore their hair in pony tails like Nadia Comenicei
My next door neighbor's were a young hip family from California. The Dad was Biker, and worked at the Cominco smelter plant my Dad was an accountant at. The Mom, baby-sat us ( me , my Brother and Sister ) To me they were who I thought American's were. Supper cool, listened to Rock and Roll. And they let their kids eat sugar coated breakfast cereal and pop tarts.
Their Daughter Lizzy was the first girl I kissed. I played " doctor" with her and got caught by my parents. My parents were more angry with me, than they were. And, the fact that they were still OK with me after, and still looked after us, made my parents ( Who were very conservative in comparison ) like them.
The Neighbor's Dad....He had a yellow Dodge Charger and the coolest black chopper motorcycle, which never seemed to run. It had a Black Widow Spider painted in the tank. And a chromed Iron Cross on the low Sissy bar. I loved that bike. I wanted to buy it. He was always welding stuff in his garage. I first smelled the smell of pot coming from his shop.
Wow, looking back it feels like another time ( like I'm describing the old west )
I was 9 years old living in Rossland B.C.
America and anything American was cool. Even in Canada, on the west coast, American flags were in. Sure, there was the 76 Olympics in Montreal but for a kid at age 9 on the other side of the continent, Quebec was another country. I do remember watching the gymnastics events with my sister and this girl Lizzy.
I remember indian style leather fringe jackets, ( I had one ) and Engineer boots were everywhere. And "Chopper Style" Bicycles..... Dirty Harry.....In 1976 Clint Eastwood was god. People wore clothing that had odd colours like and beige, off yellow and browns in them. Western shirts and really blue GWG's with red stitching. Girls wore bell bottoms, with jeans that had no pockets. And wore their hair in pony tails like Nadia Comenicei
My next door neighbor's were a young hip family from California. The Dad was Biker, and worked at the Cominco smelter plant my Dad was an accountant at. The Mom, baby-sat us ( me , my Brother and Sister ) To me they were who I thought American's were. Supper cool, listened to Rock and Roll. And they let their kids eat sugar coated breakfast cereal and pop tarts.
Their Daughter Lizzy was the first girl I kissed. I played " doctor" with her and got caught by my parents. My parents were more angry with me, than they were. And, the fact that they were still OK with me after, and still looked after us, made my parents ( Who were very conservative in comparison ) like them.
The Neighbor's Dad....He had a yellow Dodge Charger and the coolest black chopper motorcycle, which never seemed to run. It had a Black Widow Spider painted in the tank. And a chromed Iron Cross on the low Sissy bar. I loved that bike. I wanted to buy it. He was always welding stuff in his garage. I first smelled the smell of pot coming from his shop.
Wow, looking back it feels like another time ( like I'm describing the old west )
The Dream Of A Straight Pride Day
It's Gay Pride Week again in Vancouver. The real start of summer here. Or, as I like to call it: Straight Envy Week.
I don't know about you straight girls, ( because I can't get into your heads to save my life... or have a remotely reasonable sex life ) but, us Average Frustrated Chump straight guys. Really deep down inside, we envy gay men and woman on a level that most of us will never really admit.
( this must be especially so for shy straight guys deep inland, nearer the heart of America. Where saying you love your gun, your dog, and your truck. Is higher on the list than saying you love your brother. )
I mean really, it must be amazing to be gay and have that moment when you realise that you can be attracted to, hang with, and even have sex. With almost the same type of person brain-wise as you are.
To be completely able to think like the object of your attraction. To be internally wired the same way and have that first kiss. Or, just be there in the midst of all thease same type people. Dancing, reveling and loving the great open ability to love. Really, I have to say as a straight guy. it's infectious. And super desirable.
For my part, After a day of wandering around the big, pink, bannered city of Vancouver. Being checked out, sized up and in many cases, really flattered that guys that much younger and really ( AND...I say this as a 41 year old, artsy straight guy... ) well, Hot gay guys. - Who, on two different occasions today offered me coffee and beer. Out, and about in the Gay Pride Week Sponsored Davie Street cafes and bars. Where I hung as I celebrated with my gay friends.
This super heavy, nice attraction - reaction made me horny. But feeling fine inside my own skin. Knowing quite well whom I'm attracted to. ( even though single women were for the most part not even present. ) As opposed to the moments of being horny, but seriously confused and frustrated over lack of return.
See, Men who like Men really...... REALLY!!! return each others check out gaze. From a gay man, regardless of his age. There's no mistaking in me that he's checking me out. Where-as for the most part. Straight women ( out in public - on the street ) Younger or older, have this timed, auto reaction to my initial gaze.
It tends to go like this: " OH MY GOD!!!....ACT NORMAL!!!!.... AND LOOK THE OTHER WAY REALLY FAST!!!! SO HE DOESN"T REALISE I"M EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTED IN HIM IN ANY WAY...thing. Which kills most sense of any sensitive straight guys even thinking they're possibly cute.
But, after a day of feeling like being a special subject of attraction. Knowing all day what it's like to feel like a sex object to at least someone. And, more importantly realising it's not evil or the end of the world if I don't totally partake. Bit, being hugged and touched. Having meaning-full, deep interesting conversations. And even moments where some guy with guy flirtation was in play. ( Till I made my own attraction interests known - subtly and even not so subtly )
I find myself really attuned to the real image of my own attraction to others. And at Sanctuary ( The local industrial night ) I found myself willing to stretch a few boundary moments between myself and the opposite sex. Dancing and play moshing thru groups of guys and girls and getting a fun time reaction in return. And in the down time moments finding out a few of the really cute girls names. A thing that for the most part has always alluded me there.
Not that I got any tail... I mean, remember... these are goth girls I'm talking about. The hardest of the straight female sub species to fathom or connect with. I chat them up in the club and they seemed O.K. around the blaring, pounding, oppressive beat. But, later..... out on the street walking home the one I thought I'd made the most connection with ran away.... like I'm the Night stalker.
The weird ending... I didn't take it personally. I'll just try again next time and see what happens. Maybe one will show her attraction back....Who knows.
It's Gay Pride Week again in Vancouver. The real start of summer here. Or, as I like to call it: Straight Envy Week.
I don't know about you straight girls, ( because I can't get into your heads to save my life... or have a remotely reasonable sex life ) but, us Average Frustrated Chump straight guys. Really deep down inside, we envy gay men and woman on a level that most of us will never really admit.
( this must be especially so for shy straight guys deep inland, nearer the heart of America. Where saying you love your gun, your dog, and your truck. Is higher on the list than saying you love your brother. )
I mean really, it must be amazing to be gay and have that moment when you realise that you can be attracted to, hang with, and even have sex. With almost the same type of person brain-wise as you are.
To be completely able to think like the object of your attraction. To be internally wired the same way and have that first kiss. Or, just be there in the midst of all thease same type people. Dancing, reveling and loving the great open ability to love. Really, I have to say as a straight guy. it's infectious. And super desirable.
For my part, After a day of wandering around the big, pink, bannered city of Vancouver. Being checked out, sized up and in many cases, really flattered that guys that much younger and really ( AND...I say this as a 41 year old, artsy straight guy... ) well, Hot gay guys. - Who, on two different occasions today offered me coffee and beer. Out, and about in the Gay Pride Week Sponsored Davie Street cafes and bars. Where I hung as I celebrated with my gay friends.
This super heavy, nice attraction - reaction made me horny. But feeling fine inside my own skin. Knowing quite well whom I'm attracted to. ( even though single women were for the most part not even present. ) As opposed to the moments of being horny, but seriously confused and frustrated over lack of return.
See, Men who like Men really...... REALLY!!! return each others check out gaze. From a gay man, regardless of his age. There's no mistaking in me that he's checking me out. Where-as for the most part. Straight women ( out in public - on the street ) Younger or older, have this timed, auto reaction to my initial gaze.
It tends to go like this: " OH MY GOD!!!....ACT NORMAL!!!!.... AND LOOK THE OTHER WAY REALLY FAST!!!! SO HE DOESN"T REALISE I"M EVEN REMOTELY INTERESTED IN HIM IN ANY WAY...thing. Which kills most sense of any sensitive straight guys even thinking they're possibly cute.
But, after a day of feeling like being a special subject of attraction. Knowing all day what it's like to feel like a sex object to at least someone. And, more importantly realising it's not evil or the end of the world if I don't totally partake. Bit, being hugged and touched. Having meaning-full, deep interesting conversations. And even moments where some guy with guy flirtation was in play. ( Till I made my own attraction interests known - subtly and even not so subtly )
I find myself really attuned to the real image of my own attraction to others. And at Sanctuary ( The local industrial night ) I found myself willing to stretch a few boundary moments between myself and the opposite sex. Dancing and play moshing thru groups of guys and girls and getting a fun time reaction in return. And in the down time moments finding out a few of the really cute girls names. A thing that for the most part has always alluded me there.
Not that I got any tail... I mean, remember... these are goth girls I'm talking about. The hardest of the straight female sub species to fathom or connect with. I chat them up in the club and they seemed O.K. around the blaring, pounding, oppressive beat. But, later..... out on the street walking home the one I thought I'd made the most connection with ran away.... like I'm the Night stalker.
The weird ending... I didn't take it personally. I'll just try again next time and see what happens. Maybe one will show her attraction back....Who knows.
Moving On Up....
I've been in the middle of a slow period. Very few shows before the PNE August fair. And, I've been distracted by thoughts of a pretty friend who used to be more. But really, Spinning wheels, turning around.
But, I've realized as before, and once again. My experiences with most women is, as always quick a dead end. That, I always find myself alone. Having to prompt myself to act, if I can find that singular courage.
Thinking too much. Fearing reacting or saying the wrong thing. Losing what I already have. And then, in the terms of them ( women ).... just not acting.
It's frustrating, as it's always been this way since I remember finding girls attractive. ( it was so much easier when I just played with them in elementary school and the just asked me to kiss them. - That was so long ago that it feels more like a dream. ) Now, I search my brain and / or my heart to figure out that control point that I see so many other men seem to have. Or, have the ability to convince themselves of. And I never see it for real. Even though I live through that sweet mirage daily.
The Spamalot spot gig was a real eye opener. I haven't, jumped in, focused down, worked that hard and had that kind of "in the moment" blood sweat running down the back of my existence point in some time. It's like parachuting into enemy territory. Where all you know, all you trust for certain outside of you, is the boots on your feet. Just millimeters of hard leather outside every quiet step, once landing.
In the last week while I've been chilling out trying to get rid of an evil chest cold. People around the Community ( Local Theatre ) have either come up to me and shook my hand over the work they heard or saw I did that weekend. Or when they hear me tell it. Are really struck by the fact that I even offered to take the gig on. ( Me....? I was really honored that a local guy, who tours with these huge Broadway tours all the time asked me to replace the guy that I did, at short notice. And when I asked him who else he asked. He said... "just you." And thanked me. )
It's like I finally landed. Retouched a new plain of existence in my own geeky world. After a long time of floating. And not just bumbled into it, as I have on other occasions in the past. ( And then been thrown back by circumstance ) but was asked to jump in because they saw more in me than I've seen in myself in a long time.
So, when I found out that The Playhouse Theatre was in start of the summer Maintenance mode. And that their New Vari-lite moving lights and programming board was available to members to play with. I turned down a week of basic joe, stage carp work, happliy sucked up the cost and dived in for a day and a half of playing with sexy cool moving lights.....
And I've realized I've missed being a Board Op.
It's kind of the "Maverick" gig in theatre. People treat you as someone special. And, it feels like your painting with light... I mean it's still.... It's fun to focus, high up above the stage connecting with the Designer, lamp after lamp while feeling like your defying gravity. But, it's something else to make those decisions, design wise. And more impressively. Make it happen by the act of a few key strokes on a specialized computer platform.
Hit GO and watch the lights move effortlessly from pretty cue to pretty cue. Watch them over and over....finessing them repeatedly click by click of keyboard. Really it's the ultimate control. That mini realization that I now, really know as to how to move these, individual, thousand dollar lighting instruments. Through time and space over a stage. Make them flare and die like shooting stars....
I see desire... and I see a way out of a place I don't want to be anymore. A place full of Amateur, penny pinching, ignorant stupidity. Where crew are treated like spark plugs, and selling the poster outside means more than the show itself on stage. And the people who sweat long dark hours for it. I realize I've been also settling for less. Just as much as they have. Because I, like them haven't stepped it up in the past few years. And really challenged me....
Well, NO MORE.....
Women might not respect me ( unless I kowtowed and listened to them... been their father confessor. Self - Neutered.. a drone ) But, I have new proof my work peers do. And by God... I'm going to work with that... And MOVE ON UP.
I've been in the middle of a slow period. Very few shows before the PNE August fair. And, I've been distracted by thoughts of a pretty friend who used to be more. But really, Spinning wheels, turning around.
But, I've realized as before, and once again. My experiences with most women is, as always quick a dead end. That, I always find myself alone. Having to prompt myself to act, if I can find that singular courage.
Thinking too much. Fearing reacting or saying the wrong thing. Losing what I already have. And then, in the terms of them ( women ).... just not acting.
It's frustrating, as it's always been this way since I remember finding girls attractive. ( it was so much easier when I just played with them in elementary school and the just asked me to kiss them. - That was so long ago that it feels more like a dream. ) Now, I search my brain and / or my heart to figure out that control point that I see so many other men seem to have. Or, have the ability to convince themselves of. And I never see it for real. Even though I live through that sweet mirage daily.
The Spamalot spot gig was a real eye opener. I haven't, jumped in, focused down, worked that hard and had that kind of "in the moment" blood sweat running down the back of my existence point in some time. It's like parachuting into enemy territory. Where all you know, all you trust for certain outside of you, is the boots on your feet. Just millimeters of hard leather outside every quiet step, once landing.
In the last week while I've been chilling out trying to get rid of an evil chest cold. People around the Community ( Local Theatre ) have either come up to me and shook my hand over the work they heard or saw I did that weekend. Or when they hear me tell it. Are really struck by the fact that I even offered to take the gig on. ( Me....? I was really honored that a local guy, who tours with these huge Broadway tours all the time asked me to replace the guy that I did, at short notice. And when I asked him who else he asked. He said... "just you." And thanked me. )
It's like I finally landed. Retouched a new plain of existence in my own geeky world. After a long time of floating. And not just bumbled into it, as I have on other occasions in the past. ( And then been thrown back by circumstance ) but was asked to jump in because they saw more in me than I've seen in myself in a long time.
So, when I found out that The Playhouse Theatre was in start of the summer Maintenance mode. And that their New Vari-lite moving lights and programming board was available to members to play with. I turned down a week of basic joe, stage carp work, happliy sucked up the cost and dived in for a day and a half of playing with sexy cool moving lights.....
And I've realized I've missed being a Board Op.
It's kind of the "Maverick" gig in theatre. People treat you as someone special. And, it feels like your painting with light... I mean it's still.... It's fun to focus, high up above the stage connecting with the Designer, lamp after lamp while feeling like your defying gravity. But, it's something else to make those decisions, design wise. And more impressively. Make it happen by the act of a few key strokes on a specialized computer platform.
Hit GO and watch the lights move effortlessly from pretty cue to pretty cue. Watch them over and over....finessing them repeatedly click by click of keyboard. Really it's the ultimate control. That mini realization that I now, really know as to how to move these, individual, thousand dollar lighting instruments. Through time and space over a stage. Make them flare and die like shooting stars....
I see desire... and I see a way out of a place I don't want to be anymore. A place full of Amateur, penny pinching, ignorant stupidity. Where crew are treated like spark plugs, and selling the poster outside means more than the show itself on stage. And the people who sweat long dark hours for it. I realize I've been also settling for less. Just as much as they have. Because I, like them haven't stepped it up in the past few years. And really challenged me....
Well, NO MORE.....
Women might not respect me ( unless I kowtowed and listened to them... been their father confessor. Self - Neutered.. a drone ) But, I have new proof my work peers do. And by God... I'm going to work with that... And MOVE ON UP.
From : The Information Clearinghouse
Here's the best summary of what concerns me in the next few years. As my country ( Canada ) is so tied to yours. And many of my friends south of the border will be greatly affected by this current downturn. As the first thing that people cut out of their budget is high priced entertainment.
With all the outside factors, the economic surge in Asia and Europe. Coupled with the Peak Oil Crisis. This coming, deep US recession is one that could possibly change the makeup of the current world order.
The Impending Destruction of the US Economy
By Paul Craig Roberts
11/28/07
" Hubris and arrogance are too ensconced in Washington for policymakers to be aware of the economic policy trap in which they have placed the US economy. If the subprime mortgage meltdown is half as bad as predicted, low US interest rates will be required in order to contain the crisis. But if the dollar's plight is half as bad as predicted, high US interest rates will be required if foreigners are to continue to hold dollars and to finance US budget and trade deficits.
Which will Washington sacrifice, the domestic financial system and over-extended homeowners or its ability to finance deficits?
The answer seems obvious. Everything will be sacrificed in order to protect Washington's ability to borrow abroad. Without the ability to borrow abroad, Washington cannot conduct its wars of aggression, and Americans cannot continue to consume $800 billion dollars more each year than the economy produces.
A few years ago the euro was worth 85 cents. Today it is worth $1.48. This is an enormous decline in the exchange value of the US dollar. Foreigners who finance the US budget and trade deficits have experienced a huge drop in the value of their dollar holdings. The interest rate on US Treasury bonds does not come close to compensating foreigners for the decline in the value of the dollar against other traded currencies. Investment returns from real estate and equities do not offset the losses from the decline in the dollar's value.
China holds over one trillion dollars, and Japan almost one trillion, in dollar-denominated assets. Other countries have lesser but still substantial amounts. As the US dollar is the reserve currency, the entire world's investment portfolio is over-weighted in dollars.
No country wants to hold a depreciating asset, and no country wants to acquire more depreciating assets. In order to reassure itself, Wall Street claims that foreign countries are locked into accumulating dollars in order to protect the value of their existing dollar holdings. But this is utter nonsense. The US dollar has lost 60% of its value during the current administration. Obviously, countries are not locked into accumulating dollars.
The reason the dollar has not completely collapsed is that there is no clear alternative as reserve currency. The euro is a currency without a country. It is the monetary unit of the European Union, but the countries of Europe have not surrendered their sovereignty to the EU. Moreover, the UK, a member of the EU, retains the British pound. The fact that a currency as politically exposed as the euro can rise in value so rapidly against the US dollar is powerful evidence of the weakness of the US dollar.
Japan and China have willingly accumulated dollars as the counterpart of their penetration and capture of US domestic markets. Japan and China have viewed the productive capacity and wealth created in their domestic economies by the success of their exports as compensation for the decline in the value of their dollar holdings. However, both countries have seen the writing on the wall, ignored by Washington and American economists: By offshoring production for US markets, the US has no prospect of closing its trade deficit. The offshored production of US firms counts as imports when it returns to the US to be marketed. The more US production moves abroad, the less there is to export and the higher imports rise.
Japan and China, indeed, the entire world, realize that they cannot continue forever to give Americans real goods and services in exchange for depreciating paper dollars. China is endeavoring to turn its development inward and to rely on its potentially huge domestic market. Japan is pinning hopes on participating in Asia's economic development.
The dollar's decline has resulted from foreigners accumulating new dollars at a lower rate. They still accumulate dollars, but fewer. As new dollars are still being produced at high rates, their value has dropped.
If foreigners were to stop accumulating new dollars, the dollar's value would plummet. If foreigners were to reduce their existing holdings of dollars, superpower America would instantly disappear.
Foreigners have continued to accumulate dollars in the expectation that sooner or later Washington would address its trade and budget deficits. However, now these deficits seem to have passed the point of no return.
The sharp decline in the dollar has not closed the trade deficit by increasing exports and decreasing imports. Offshoring prevents the possibility of exports reducing the trade deficit, and Americans are now dependent on imports (including offshored production) for which there are no longer any domestically produced alternatives. The US trade deficit will close when foreigners cease to finance it.
The budget deficit cannot be closed by taxation without driving up unemployment and poverty. American median family incomes have experienced no real increase during the 21st century. Moreover, if the huge bonuses paid to CEOs for offshoring their corporations' production and to Wall Street for marketing subprime derivatives are removed from the income figures, Americans have experienced a decline in real income. Some studies, such as the Economic Mobility Project, find long-term declines in the real median incomes of some US population groups and a decline in upward mobility.
The situation may be even more dire. Recent work by Susan Houseman concludes that US statistical data systems, which were set in place prior to the development of offshoring, are counting some foreign production as part of US productivity and GDP growth, thus overstating the actual performance of the US economy.
The falling dollar has pushed oil to $100 a barrel, which in turn will drive up other prices. The falling dollar means that the imports and offshored production on which Americans are dependent will rise in price. This is not a formula to produce a rise in US real incomes.
In the 21st century, the US economy has been driven by consumers going deeper in debt. Consumption fueled by increases in indebtedness received its greatest boost from Fed chairman Alan Greenspan's low interest rate policy. Greenspan covered up the adverse effects of offshoring on the US economy by engineering a housing boom. The boom created employment in construction and financial firms and pushed up home prices, thus creating equity for consumers to spend to keep consumer demand growing.
This source of US economic growth is exhausted and imploding. The full consequences of the housing bust remain to be realized. American consumers lack discretionary income and can pay higher taxes only by reducing their consumption. The service industries, which have provided the only source of new jobs in the 21st century, are already experiencing falling demand. A tax increase would cause widespread distress.
As John Maynard Keynes and his followers made clear, a tax increase on a recessionary economy is a recipe for falling tax revenues as well as economic hardship.
Superpower America is a ship of fools in denial of their plight. While offshoring kills American economic prospects, "free market economists" sing its praises. While war imposes enormous costs on a bankrupt country, neoconservatives call for more war, and Republicans and Democrats appropriate war funds which can only be obtained by borrowing abroad.
By focusing America on war in the Middle East, the purpose of which is to guarantee Israel's territorial expansion, the executive and legislative branches, along with the media, have let slip the last opportunities the US had to put its financial house in order. We have arrived at the point where it is no longer bold to say that nothing now can be done. Unless the rest of the world decides to underwrite our economic rescue, the chips will fall where they may."
Here's the best summary of what concerns me in the next few years. As my country ( Canada ) is so tied to yours. And many of my friends south of the border will be greatly affected by this current downturn. As the first thing that people cut out of their budget is high priced entertainment.
With all the outside factors, the economic surge in Asia and Europe. Coupled with the Peak Oil Crisis. This coming, deep US recession is one that could possibly change the makeup of the current world order.
The Impending Destruction of the US Economy
By Paul Craig Roberts
11/28/07
" Hubris and arrogance are too ensconced in Washington for policymakers to be aware of the economic policy trap in which they have placed the US economy. If the subprime mortgage meltdown is half as bad as predicted, low US interest rates will be required in order to contain the crisis. But if the dollar's plight is half as bad as predicted, high US interest rates will be required if foreigners are to continue to hold dollars and to finance US budget and trade deficits.
Which will Washington sacrifice, the domestic financial system and over-extended homeowners or its ability to finance deficits?
The answer seems obvious. Everything will be sacrificed in order to protect Washington's ability to borrow abroad. Without the ability to borrow abroad, Washington cannot conduct its wars of aggression, and Americans cannot continue to consume $800 billion dollars more each year than the economy produces.
A few years ago the euro was worth 85 cents. Today it is worth $1.48. This is an enormous decline in the exchange value of the US dollar. Foreigners who finance the US budget and trade deficits have experienced a huge drop in the value of their dollar holdings. The interest rate on US Treasury bonds does not come close to compensating foreigners for the decline in the value of the dollar against other traded currencies. Investment returns from real estate and equities do not offset the losses from the decline in the dollar's value.
China holds over one trillion dollars, and Japan almost one trillion, in dollar-denominated assets. Other countries have lesser but still substantial amounts. As the US dollar is the reserve currency, the entire world's investment portfolio is over-weighted in dollars.
No country wants to hold a depreciating asset, and no country wants to acquire more depreciating assets. In order to reassure itself, Wall Street claims that foreign countries are locked into accumulating dollars in order to protect the value of their existing dollar holdings. But this is utter nonsense. The US dollar has lost 60% of its value during the current administration. Obviously, countries are not locked into accumulating dollars.
The reason the dollar has not completely collapsed is that there is no clear alternative as reserve currency. The euro is a currency without a country. It is the monetary unit of the European Union, but the countries of Europe have not surrendered their sovereignty to the EU. Moreover, the UK, a member of the EU, retains the British pound. The fact that a currency as politically exposed as the euro can rise in value so rapidly against the US dollar is powerful evidence of the weakness of the US dollar.
Japan and China have willingly accumulated dollars as the counterpart of their penetration and capture of US domestic markets. Japan and China have viewed the productive capacity and wealth created in their domestic economies by the success of their exports as compensation for the decline in the value of their dollar holdings. However, both countries have seen the writing on the wall, ignored by Washington and American economists: By offshoring production for US markets, the US has no prospect of closing its trade deficit. The offshored production of US firms counts as imports when it returns to the US to be marketed. The more US production moves abroad, the less there is to export and the higher imports rise.
Japan and China, indeed, the entire world, realize that they cannot continue forever to give Americans real goods and services in exchange for depreciating paper dollars. China is endeavoring to turn its development inward and to rely on its potentially huge domestic market. Japan is pinning hopes on participating in Asia's economic development.
The dollar's decline has resulted from foreigners accumulating new dollars at a lower rate. They still accumulate dollars, but fewer. As new dollars are still being produced at high rates, their value has dropped.
If foreigners were to stop accumulating new dollars, the dollar's value would plummet. If foreigners were to reduce their existing holdings of dollars, superpower America would instantly disappear.
Foreigners have continued to accumulate dollars in the expectation that sooner or later Washington would address its trade and budget deficits. However, now these deficits seem to have passed the point of no return.
The sharp decline in the dollar has not closed the trade deficit by increasing exports and decreasing imports. Offshoring prevents the possibility of exports reducing the trade deficit, and Americans are now dependent on imports (including offshored production) for which there are no longer any domestically produced alternatives. The US trade deficit will close when foreigners cease to finance it.
The budget deficit cannot be closed by taxation without driving up unemployment and poverty. American median family incomes have experienced no real increase during the 21st century. Moreover, if the huge bonuses paid to CEOs for offshoring their corporations' production and to Wall Street for marketing subprime derivatives are removed from the income figures, Americans have experienced a decline in real income. Some studies, such as the Economic Mobility Project, find long-term declines in the real median incomes of some US population groups and a decline in upward mobility.
The situation may be even more dire. Recent work by Susan Houseman concludes that US statistical data systems, which were set in place prior to the development of offshoring, are counting some foreign production as part of US productivity and GDP growth, thus overstating the actual performance of the US economy.
The falling dollar has pushed oil to $100 a barrel, which in turn will drive up other prices. The falling dollar means that the imports and offshored production on which Americans are dependent will rise in price. This is not a formula to produce a rise in US real incomes.
In the 21st century, the US economy has been driven by consumers going deeper in debt. Consumption fueled by increases in indebtedness received its greatest boost from Fed chairman Alan Greenspan's low interest rate policy. Greenspan covered up the adverse effects of offshoring on the US economy by engineering a housing boom. The boom created employment in construction and financial firms and pushed up home prices, thus creating equity for consumers to spend to keep consumer demand growing.
This source of US economic growth is exhausted and imploding. The full consequences of the housing bust remain to be realized. American consumers lack discretionary income and can pay higher taxes only by reducing their consumption. The service industries, which have provided the only source of new jobs in the 21st century, are already experiencing falling demand. A tax increase would cause widespread distress.
As John Maynard Keynes and his followers made clear, a tax increase on a recessionary economy is a recipe for falling tax revenues as well as economic hardship.
Superpower America is a ship of fools in denial of their plight. While offshoring kills American economic prospects, "free market economists" sing its praises. While war imposes enormous costs on a bankrupt country, neoconservatives call for more war, and Republicans and Democrats appropriate war funds which can only be obtained by borrowing abroad.
By focusing America on war in the Middle East, the purpose of which is to guarantee Israel's territorial expansion, the executive and legislative branches, along with the media, have let slip the last opportunities the US had to put its financial house in order. We have arrived at the point where it is no longer bold to say that nothing now can be done. Unless the rest of the world decides to underwrite our economic rescue, the chips will fall where they may."
7 Deadly Sins....
So, I 've convinced my Friend Michelle AND... her BF to come out to Sin City. I even loaned him some of my Pervy wear. As he showed up without and probably feeling a bit wrong dressed. We all had a good time watching all the Burlesque bits.. the piercing demo... A few drinks... and a bit of Voyuerism. Once again, I introduced them to everyone else I knew at the place who was there... tried to be the host sort thing. And when the looked like they wanted Privacy ( if there is such a thing in a fetish event... ) I took off to dance.
At the end of the evening she thanked me for the pervy clothing loan and helping her BF feel included. And I said, " Well, You Owe Me " with a sly look... which she once again didn't get. Thinking I was being suggestive of some sort of private interlude, between the both of us.
So, It looks like I'm going to have to be way more direct the next time we go for coffee...
You know... I've been the dutiful friend now for 8 years. I haven't tried to woo her, or sleep with her while her relationship was going thru a rough bit. Helped her find her inner Dom. Given her tones of advice etc. In fact I've been pretty outstanding. Listening to all her issues. And all I want is for her to wing-man me one of thease nights for a change. Help me meet the cute aloof Pervy girls that so far have alluded my own lackluster chat up abilities. ( guys ... I can talk to guys... cute women... that's another story. ) Or at least dare me to go speak to them. - I mean really nothing will probably come from it except maybe a boost in my courage zone
Somehow, I was hoping this would come naturally. That she would get it. As she constantly says what a great catch I am Etc...etc. Because I guess that would make it seem less forced. Or that she would finally put action to her words of " If I knew any of your type I'd introduce you to them..." And I've kept trying to say or point out the girls I think I like. And her response ? She puts my choices down....Or finds negatives to them. She doesn't ever try to dare me to chat them up... nothing... it's getting to be really annoying.
I hate being direct....about conniving little things like this. I'm a romantic. I keep hoping it will Just... HAPPEN. But, as I've found the real world and all it's idioms doesn't wait for romantics. And really wonderful men and women who find great love rarely meet just from happenstance. Or internet dating.... They're introduced in a place where like minded people are. And something happens from there... or they just chat... no pressure. And that's what I need.
The question is: How do I ask without coming across as bitter...? Because the fact that she hasn't taken the idea up before without prompting ( Like - You know I'm going to promote my friend cause he's the best guy I know... I keep telling him so.... and he's really been there for me. ) kind of makes me feel bitter. So, I have to say something... before I go all passive aggressive. And I build another wall between me and someone I care about.
So, I 've convinced my Friend Michelle AND... her BF to come out to Sin City. I even loaned him some of my Pervy wear. As he showed up without and probably feeling a bit wrong dressed. We all had a good time watching all the Burlesque bits.. the piercing demo... A few drinks... and a bit of Voyuerism. Once again, I introduced them to everyone else I knew at the place who was there... tried to be the host sort thing. And when the looked like they wanted Privacy ( if there is such a thing in a fetish event... ) I took off to dance.
At the end of the evening she thanked me for the pervy clothing loan and helping her BF feel included. And I said, " Well, You Owe Me " with a sly look... which she once again didn't get. Thinking I was being suggestive of some sort of private interlude, between the both of us.
So, It looks like I'm going to have to be way more direct the next time we go for coffee...
You know... I've been the dutiful friend now for 8 years. I haven't tried to woo her, or sleep with her while her relationship was going thru a rough bit. Helped her find her inner Dom. Given her tones of advice etc. In fact I've been pretty outstanding. Listening to all her issues. And all I want is for her to wing-man me one of thease nights for a change. Help me meet the cute aloof Pervy girls that so far have alluded my own lackluster chat up abilities. ( guys ... I can talk to guys... cute women... that's another story. ) Or at least dare me to go speak to them. - I mean really nothing will probably come from it except maybe a boost in my courage zone
Somehow, I was hoping this would come naturally. That she would get it. As she constantly says what a great catch I am Etc...etc. Because I guess that would make it seem less forced. Or that she would finally put action to her words of " If I knew any of your type I'd introduce you to them..." And I've kept trying to say or point out the girls I think I like. And her response ? She puts my choices down....Or finds negatives to them. She doesn't ever try to dare me to chat them up... nothing... it's getting to be really annoying.
I hate being direct....about conniving little things like this. I'm a romantic. I keep hoping it will Just... HAPPEN. But, as I've found the real world and all it's idioms doesn't wait for romantics. And really wonderful men and women who find great love rarely meet just from happenstance. Or internet dating.... They're introduced in a place where like minded people are. And something happens from there... or they just chat... no pressure. And that's what I need.
The question is: How do I ask without coming across as bitter...? Because the fact that she hasn't taken the idea up before without prompting ( Like - You know I'm going to promote my friend cause he's the best guy I know... I keep telling him so.... and he's really been there for me. ) kind of makes me feel bitter. So, I have to say something... before I go all passive aggressive. And I build another wall between me and someone I care about.
Spam...Spam...Spam...
I've been very busy the past few days... I got a call to replace the IA touring Spot Op on Spamalot. Who are here in town for another week. The guy had a funeral to go to and that last minute replacement gigs is something I like to do. You know... run in and be the hero sort of thing. And it was a chance to get back inside a theatre that used to be union but now isn't. A chance to see how the other half live.
I had to memorize 26 pages of spot cues and run 70% of them myself ( and call the other 30% for the other two spot ops...) thankfully I said unless I was going to be filling in FT I wasn't going to go that far. Especially sice the other girls on the other two spots were already three weeks ahead of me.
So, for the last weekend I've been living, breathing and shitting Spamalot. Three shows into training I was calling the spot cues back to the guy. And on my solo flight I hit 95% of the cues ( It's always the ones you did at the start well... they fake you out and next thing you know your light is flailing all over the theatre. ) I'm pretty impressed with myself... I think this bodes well for the future.
I've been very busy the past few days... I got a call to replace the IA touring Spot Op on Spamalot. Who are here in town for another week. The guy had a funeral to go to and that last minute replacement gigs is something I like to do. You know... run in and be the hero sort of thing. And it was a chance to get back inside a theatre that used to be union but now isn't. A chance to see how the other half live.
I had to memorize 26 pages of spot cues and run 70% of them myself ( and call the other 30% for the other two spot ops...) thankfully I said unless I was going to be filling in FT I wasn't going to go that far. Especially sice the other girls on the other two spots were already three weeks ahead of me.
So, for the last weekend I've been living, breathing and shitting Spamalot. Three shows into training I was calling the spot cues back to the guy. And on my solo flight I hit 95% of the cues ( It's always the ones you did at the start well... they fake you out and next thing you know your light is flailing all over the theatre. ) I'm pretty impressed with myself... I think this bodes well for the future.
An Almost Tale Of Two Michelles
Another night at Sin City. Previous to it I was faced with a choice of two women to hang with. Not a regular state of my existence. So, I made the fatal error of choosing the friend over a possible friend with benefits. One, a girl who likes to dance with me. But was seeing a guy at the time, who was a friend, when we were dancing up a storm. So, that time it was all just platonic fun which I do well. But, at the time it had this edge to it. One that, when we traded phone numbers all that time ago I felt something extra. Well, that Michelle was in town for a short while. (And she's a tattoo artist to boot... I could have gotten a starter Tattoo as well. )
But, I was working for most of her visit. I had one evening that we might have met up on. But, I'd made time already with another Michelle ( my friend who I last took to Sin City - Fetish night - who was sort of com ca, com ca about the last time we went. )
This time however, immediately out on the dance floor some guy in a rubber skirt asked her to cane him. And, jesus christ...!!!! Michelle was of to the races. She disappeared with this guy, into the dungeon for what seemed like half the night. And came back with wild tales of whipping a bunch of eager guys who then kissed the sole's of her shoes after the experience. While, she collected a crowd of various voyeurs that evening - looking on and applauding. She's quite cute, in that hot for teacher way. Imagine an early 90's Meg Ryan type girl. ( we dated 8 years back... ) so I could understand why she was the night's little rubber fetish star girl.
The regular dungeon masters there tend to be a sorry lot. ( Honestly, I don't get the attraction to being spanked / whipped or spanking or whipping with someone I don't find attractive. - I guess it's the act that makes the moment people who are into that. The idea of meeting a woman I find attractive and spanking her in that arena. I get that... but that never happens. More due to the fact that I'm too shy at a place like Sin City to help make that happen. )
It's was odd and even a bit disconcerting to me to watch my friend turn into a one night, star domatrix. She really, really enjoyed the experience. Texting her Girl friends, and a friend on Second Life about the whippings. And, she felt compelled to relate it all to me. In minute detail, back in the other dance room. Describing it as one of the hottest moments of her life. Which was funny because when we dated, all those years ago, she was so very super submissive. And, now she's with this really nice Jock guy who's very much the pant wearer in the relationship. As I've been trying to get her to come to thease Sin City nights on and off for about a year. With him often veto - ing her solo participation.
With that, she just kept disappearing off with guys into the dungeon room. And the Vibrator guy ( this guy who wears a Vibrating suit and saddles up to cuddle with girls... ) became one of her new friends. And other really young guys were regularly buying her drinks, flirting and trying to get her number.
But, was she returning the favour?
Of course not... ( women... they never do... I have to complain before female friends ever bother to introduce me to anyone. ) I introduced her both nights to all the people, male and female, that I even remotely knew at the club , In hopes to help her relax. YES......Not wing manning me in return, in the slightest.
I started to get really envious. I even felt jealous. Which is a trait I really loath in myself when it happens. Especially when it's over a person I consider a friend. Because it's such an ugly, bitter, dead end. Which can ruin things. Or, make things sort of un-discussable, with women friends ( because it's awkward and weird to feel thease feelings about a friend. - And can get in the way of a friendship. ) So, when she once again disappeared with the last young, buff, whipping boy of the evening. Who wouldn't leave her alone. I made my leave of the place....
Wishing I'd phoned the other Michelle....
I came back as I realised she needed help to get out of Zombie town, where the club is. To an area where there's regular taxi service. I think she realized my own personal distain for my side of the night. As she kind of kept apologizing. But, it was only my feelings and not her fault. I just get so envious some times as to how easy sex ( or sexy moments ) just happen with the opposite sex. Because it really makes my glaring lack of ability, in making anything happen like that. So bitterly obvious on my side of the moon, where I always find myself alone.
Another night at Sin City. Previous to it I was faced with a choice of two women to hang with. Not a regular state of my existence. So, I made the fatal error of choosing the friend over a possible friend with benefits. One, a girl who likes to dance with me. But was seeing a guy at the time, who was a friend, when we were dancing up a storm. So, that time it was all just platonic fun which I do well. But, at the time it had this edge to it. One that, when we traded phone numbers all that time ago I felt something extra. Well, that Michelle was in town for a short while. (And she's a tattoo artist to boot... I could have gotten a starter Tattoo as well. )
But, I was working for most of her visit. I had one evening that we might have met up on. But, I'd made time already with another Michelle ( my friend who I last took to Sin City - Fetish night - who was sort of com ca, com ca about the last time we went. )
This time however, immediately out on the dance floor some guy in a rubber skirt asked her to cane him. And, jesus christ...!!!! Michelle was of to the races. She disappeared with this guy, into the dungeon for what seemed like half the night. And came back with wild tales of whipping a bunch of eager guys who then kissed the sole's of her shoes after the experience. While, she collected a crowd of various voyeurs that evening - looking on and applauding. She's quite cute, in that hot for teacher way. Imagine an early 90's Meg Ryan type girl. ( we dated 8 years back... ) so I could understand why she was the night's little rubber fetish star girl.
The regular dungeon masters there tend to be a sorry lot. ( Honestly, I don't get the attraction to being spanked / whipped or spanking or whipping with someone I don't find attractive. - I guess it's the act that makes the moment people who are into that. The idea of meeting a woman I find attractive and spanking her in that arena. I get that... but that never happens. More due to the fact that I'm too shy at a place like Sin City to help make that happen. )
It's was odd and even a bit disconcerting to me to watch my friend turn into a one night, star domatrix. She really, really enjoyed the experience. Texting her Girl friends, and a friend on Second Life about the whippings. And, she felt compelled to relate it all to me. In minute detail, back in the other dance room. Describing it as one of the hottest moments of her life. Which was funny because when we dated, all those years ago, she was so very super submissive. And, now she's with this really nice Jock guy who's very much the pant wearer in the relationship. As I've been trying to get her to come to thease Sin City nights on and off for about a year. With him often veto - ing her solo participation.
With that, she just kept disappearing off with guys into the dungeon room. And the Vibrator guy ( this guy who wears a Vibrating suit and saddles up to cuddle with girls... ) became one of her new friends. And other really young guys were regularly buying her drinks, flirting and trying to get her number.
But, was she returning the favour?
Of course not... ( women... they never do... I have to complain before female friends ever bother to introduce me to anyone. ) I introduced her both nights to all the people, male and female, that I even remotely knew at the club , In hopes to help her relax. YES......Not wing manning me in return, in the slightest.
I started to get really envious. I even felt jealous. Which is a trait I really loath in myself when it happens. Especially when it's over a person I consider a friend. Because it's such an ugly, bitter, dead end. Which can ruin things. Or, make things sort of un-discussable, with women friends ( because it's awkward and weird to feel thease feelings about a friend. - And can get in the way of a friendship. ) So, when she once again disappeared with the last young, buff, whipping boy of the evening. Who wouldn't leave her alone. I made my leave of the place....
Wishing I'd phoned the other Michelle....
I came back as I realised she needed help to get out of Zombie town, where the club is. To an area where there's regular taxi service. I think she realized my own personal distain for my side of the night. As she kind of kept apologizing. But, it was only my feelings and not her fault. I just get so envious some times as to how easy sex ( or sexy moments ) just happen with the opposite sex. Because it really makes my glaring lack of ability, in making anything happen like that. So bitterly obvious on my side of the moon, where I always find myself alone.
SEPTEMBER 2008