I'm waiting...I'm trying to be patient in the midst of
forgetting the plan or purpose which brought me to this
point of indecision... it's overwhelming, overbearing like a
fever or a spiderbite, a kiss or a paper cut. I'm losing sun
light as I write this, my requiem...
forgetting the plan or purpose which brought me to this
point of indecision... it's overwhelming, overbearing like a
fever or a spiderbite, a kiss or a paper cut. I'm losing sun
light as I write this, my requiem...
Classes, classes, classes. I have to pick up more classes
to satisfy the requirements for my pell grant, and the load
begins to grow heavy. I'm not complaining, some people
have a much more difficult time getting any kind of financial
support than I have, and frankly that sickens me.
But, it's still, up till this point, going well enough. My job
promotion has increased my workload, so there's alot more
on the plate, but hopefully that will result in me being able to
get my own place soon. Is it so wrong to want so desperately
to live alone?
to satisfy the requirements for my pell grant, and the load
begins to grow heavy. I'm not complaining, some people
have a much more difficult time getting any kind of financial
support than I have, and frankly that sickens me.
But, it's still, up till this point, going well enough. My job
promotion has increased my workload, so there's alot more
on the plate, but hopefully that will result in me being able to
get my own place soon. Is it so wrong to want so desperately
to live alone?
So, for my final weekend before school starts, I decided I
would give myself one last evening of excess and self-
destruction before I'm forced into the secular existence of
the monk-like devotion to learning.
I went to this fetish club in Indianapolis. It was a hosted
event at this club known for it's goth-industrial weekends.
My friend Jason and his band Nimbus played, which was a
pleasant surprise. The DJ played some of my favorite club
songs. Covenant, Battery, OhGr, even Ministry, which by this
point I was sufficiently drunk. The fetish part of the evening
was'nt as provocative as I was expecting; especially after having to
sign a waver at the door being used as a disclaimer to the evening's
events.
But I got fucked up, stayed up late and partyied my ass off. The reason
this was important is that I knew these times would be growing fewer and
farther between. I have no regrets. Today I look forward to better times, for
there is no more escaping from life. I'm looking for something, and the search
begins now-.
would give myself one last evening of excess and self-
destruction before I'm forced into the secular existence of
the monk-like devotion to learning.
I went to this fetish club in Indianapolis. It was a hosted
event at this club known for it's goth-industrial weekends.
My friend Jason and his band Nimbus played, which was a
pleasant surprise. The DJ played some of my favorite club
songs. Covenant, Battery, OhGr, even Ministry, which by this
point I was sufficiently drunk. The fetish part of the evening
was'nt as provocative as I was expecting; especially after having to
sign a waver at the door being used as a disclaimer to the evening's
events.
But I got fucked up, stayed up late and partyied my ass off. The reason
this was important is that I knew these times would be growing fewer and
farther between. I have no regrets. Today I look forward to better times, for
there is no more escaping from life. I'm looking for something, and the search
begins now-.
I miss you all.
A memory:
Dreaming in hopeless expanse an Oregon sky bends
concave to accept the motion of change, albino phantom
cloud horses passing open the gates of forever, I hear their
galloping as thunder in a distant storm yet my eyes are drawn
to horizons of inevitable dawn...
A memory:
Dreaming in hopeless expanse an Oregon sky bends
concave to accept the motion of change, albino phantom
cloud horses passing open the gates of forever, I hear their
galloping as thunder in a distant storm yet my eyes are drawn
to horizons of inevitable dawn...
My guitar teacher passed away of a heart attack on the
11th of August.He was 50 years old. His service is today.
He was a kind-hearted, simple soul who was dedicated to
his music and doing what he could to help others express
their vision. He let his light into everyone he met, and he
will be missed by many. He will be missed by me.
11th of August.He was 50 years old. His service is today.
He was a kind-hearted, simple soul who was dedicated to
his music and doing what he could to help others express
their vision. He let his light into everyone he met, and he
will be missed by many. He will be missed by me.
On Feeling:
I'm not sure I've had a feeling in awhile. I fear that what I
originally may have mistaken for a feeling was really just
the Recollection of a feeling. A sentimental sort of Deja-vu.
When I try to think about how I feel... this is where I believe
the problem began...I can't seem to remember how or where
the original emotion began. I'm swimming backwards, caught
in the inertia of what I originally believed to be forward move-
ment. It's not that I'm lost, per se. That would mean that I could
recall a time when I had committed myself to a destination. Mabye
I should be sad. Things haven't been going very well for me. Mabye I
should be angry, since I've had the rug pulled out from under me. But
I'm not. I don't know
I'm not sure I've had a feeling in awhile. I fear that what I
originally may have mistaken for a feeling was really just
the Recollection of a feeling. A sentimental sort of Deja-vu.
When I try to think about how I feel... this is where I believe
the problem began...I can't seem to remember how or where
the original emotion began. I'm swimming backwards, caught
in the inertia of what I originally believed to be forward move-
ment. It's not that I'm lost, per se. That would mean that I could
recall a time when I had committed myself to a destination. Mabye
I should be sad. Things haven't been going very well for me. Mabye I
should be angry, since I've had the rug pulled out from under me. But
I'm not. I don't know
So, since I had a few inquiries into the Bagua journal,I thought
I might elaborate on what I know.The interesting thing about Baguazhang
is it's connection to the eight trigrams.These are most fully expressed in
the I Ching,or book of changes,a classic chinese form of divination that
dates back at least 2000 years.The trigrams, like most Taoist forms of
expression, conduct an almost binary view of Chinese cosmology.The
easiest way I can sum this up is that the Taoist look at the universe from
the perspective of relationships.Especially the relationship between Heaven,
Earth, and Man.These qualities of being, and their relationship to eachother can
be expressed in a trigram.Three lines, broken or unbroken, represent specific
conditions of being.Each represents a season, a cardinal direction, an element,
and their level of receptability to other conditions.Through a specific numerical
process, a combination can be formed from 2 of the trigrams.This is called a
hexagram, which can be used for a myraid of different divinational purposes.
However, this system aknowledges that the universe is in a constant state of flux,
and therefore many different interpretations of these hexagrams
can be found in print.The trick is not to relate it so much to a western system of
divination, as to a means by which we can find guidance to the perception of any
given situation, as opposed to a direct answer, which from a Taoist perspective is
impossible.Change is imminent, it's only how you conduct yourself in relation to
the condition of being that matters.Thats what the Trigrams are for. That's what Baguazhang
is for. I hope to be back on soon, I had to take a little break for awhile. Till then, take care
of yourselves.
I might elaborate on what I know.The interesting thing about Baguazhang
is it's connection to the eight trigrams.These are most fully expressed in
the I Ching,or book of changes,a classic chinese form of divination that
dates back at least 2000 years.The trigrams, like most Taoist forms of
expression, conduct an almost binary view of Chinese cosmology.The
easiest way I can sum this up is that the Taoist look at the universe from
the perspective of relationships.Especially the relationship between Heaven,
Earth, and Man.These qualities of being, and their relationship to eachother can
be expressed in a trigram.Three lines, broken or unbroken, represent specific
conditions of being.Each represents a season, a cardinal direction, an element,
and their level of receptability to other conditions.Through a specific numerical
process, a combination can be formed from 2 of the trigrams.This is called a
hexagram, which can be used for a myraid of different divinational purposes.
However, this system aknowledges that the universe is in a constant state of flux,
and therefore many different interpretations of these hexagrams
can be found in print.The trick is not to relate it so much to a western system of
divination, as to a means by which we can find guidance to the perception of any
given situation, as opposed to a direct answer, which from a Taoist perspective is
impossible.Change is imminent, it's only how you conduct yourself in relation to
the condition of being that matters.Thats what the Trigrams are for. That's what Baguazhang
is for. I hope to be back on soon, I had to take a little break for awhile. Till then, take care
of yourselves.
Baguazhang and the internal martial arts:
For awhile now, as a supplemental to studying Tai-chi, I
have been working with a martial art called Baguazhang.
Bag-gua is different from the other internal martial arts,
(incl. Tai-chi, Hsing-I, and Ba-gua), in one fundamental
sense. Ba-gua is considered a Taoist-Yogic martial art.
Masters of this style appear as coiling, twisting dervishes,
capable of evading and diabling multiple attackers at th same
time. Ba-gua is also known for it's health benefits. Since man
spends so much time walking on artificial, even surfaces, this
causes muscular distension to build, esp. in the lower back as
your weight seeks to equalize itself against your skeletal frame.
The movements of Ba-gua seeks to create the sensation of walking on
uneven ground, helping to release tension from the lower back and legs.
This makes practitioners of Ba-gua appear to be off-balance, when in all
actuality nothing could be further from the truth. Baguazhang translates
roughly into "The Movements of the Eight Trigrams", which I will explain
more about later.
For awhile now, as a supplemental to studying Tai-chi, I
have been working with a martial art called Baguazhang.
Bag-gua is different from the other internal martial arts,
(incl. Tai-chi, Hsing-I, and Ba-gua), in one fundamental
sense. Ba-gua is considered a Taoist-Yogic martial art.
Masters of this style appear as coiling, twisting dervishes,
capable of evading and diabling multiple attackers at th same
time. Ba-gua is also known for it's health benefits. Since man
spends so much time walking on artificial, even surfaces, this
causes muscular distension to build, esp. in the lower back as
your weight seeks to equalize itself against your skeletal frame.
The movements of Ba-gua seeks to create the sensation of walking on
uneven ground, helping to release tension from the lower back and legs.
This makes practitioners of Ba-gua appear to be off-balance, when in all
actuality nothing could be further from the truth. Baguazhang translates
roughly into "The Movements of the Eight Trigrams", which I will explain
more about later.
...And the Epic Saga Continues!... Well, I tried to make payment
arrangement's with the evil foreign power that is my landlord, and
so I have bought myself percious time. Time enough to move my
Mom, who was evicted this week! She part-owns an antique's and
collectibles store, so she has a lot of crap. It takes about two weeks
on average to move her. Then I will move probably in a month or so,
and try to get settled before Fall Semester.
...On a happy note, I'm being trained in bartending by my job. This will
afford me the ability to work more hour's and make more cash, which
is great. I might be up for a promotion soon also, which is great. Mabye
then I can replace my computer, and my 100 or so CD's I've sold in the
last few weeks. Rock and Roll.
I hope everyone is doing well. Tell me about something exiting you've done
this summer. I will live vicariously through you.AAAHAHAHA!!
arrangement's with the evil foreign power that is my landlord, and
so I have bought myself percious time. Time enough to move my
Mom, who was evicted this week! She part-owns an antique's and
collectibles store, so she has a lot of crap. It takes about two weeks
on average to move her. Then I will move probably in a month or so,
and try to get settled before Fall Semester.
...On a happy note, I'm being trained in bartending by my job. This will
afford me the ability to work more hour's and make more cash, which
is great. I might be up for a promotion soon also, which is great. Mabye
then I can replace my computer, and my 100 or so CD's I've sold in the
last few weeks. Rock and Roll.
I hope everyone is doing well. Tell me about something exiting you've done
this summer. I will live vicariously through you.AAAHAHAHA!!
Ah, eviction...well, I suppose it's that time of year again; the
natural cycles of employment and unemployment moving like
the tides, towards you, the inevitably away again out to sea.
Lose hours at your job; fall into minor debt with your utilities,
then a well-timed bounded check to round the experience and
the next thing you know, you've got two weeks to change your
life.
In case you don't know, this is a College Town. That means
everything, incl. the job market, is at the whim of the seasons
and the semesters. This, of course, is the lull. This is where you
hopefully have an alternate source of income, like drug running, or
you have a convenient internship, neither of which have worked out.
Well, at least I'm forced to deal with my accumulated posessions,
(i.e: pawnshops), and I get to life the ascetics life for awhile. Fun,fun,fun.
natural cycles of employment and unemployment moving like
the tides, towards you, the inevitably away again out to sea.
Lose hours at your job; fall into minor debt with your utilities,
then a well-timed bounded check to round the experience and
the next thing you know, you've got two weeks to change your
life.
In case you don't know, this is a College Town. That means
everything, incl. the job market, is at the whim of the seasons
and the semesters. This, of course, is the lull. This is where you
hopefully have an alternate source of income, like drug running, or
you have a convenient internship, neither of which have worked out.
Well, at least I'm forced to deal with my accumulated posessions,
(i.e: pawnshops), and I get to life the ascetics life for awhile. Fun,fun,fun.
