IPOD
RADIO
Well the first time that I went out on my own
I was a young man almost 17 right down to the day
Well i packed up all my things
Grabbed my bag and kissed my mother
And I told her that I'd be back someday
So I jumped into the back of and eighteen-wheeler head north
Destination didn't even ask
With the wisdom that my father gave me
Ringing in my head so clearly
"Son this world's gonna kick you in the ass"
I wanna go there and I'm not scared
Our time's just begun, oh yeah
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
Now looking back on all the days gone by
I sit and wonder what it would be like if I'd never went away
Would I see the world the way I do
The memories that brought me to
This place that I now call my home today
I wanna go there and I'm not scared
Our time's just begun, oh yeah
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
So beat my head (beat my head)
Whwn I feel the whole world falls apart
In the end I'll be alright
Well the first time that I went out on my own
I was a young man almost 17 right down to the day
Well i packed up all my things
Grabbed my bag and kissed my mother
And I told her that I'd be back someday
I wanna go there and I'm not scared
Our time's just begun, oh yeah
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
Leavin' - Mad Caddies
I was a young man almost 17 right down to the day
Well i packed up all my things
Grabbed my bag and kissed my mother
And I told her that I'd be back someday
So I jumped into the back of and eighteen-wheeler head north
Destination didn't even ask
With the wisdom that my father gave me
Ringing in my head so clearly
"Son this world's gonna kick you in the ass"
I wanna go there and I'm not scared
Our time's just begun, oh yeah
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
Now looking back on all the days gone by
I sit and wonder what it would be like if I'd never went away
Would I see the world the way I do
The memories that brought me to
This place that I now call my home today
I wanna go there and I'm not scared
Our time's just begun, oh yeah
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
So beat my head (beat my head)
Whwn I feel the whole world falls apart
In the end I'll be alright
Well the first time that I went out on my own
I was a young man almost 17 right down to the day
Well i packed up all my things
Grabbed my bag and kissed my mother
And I told her that I'd be back someday
I wanna go there and I'm not scared
Our time's just begun, oh yeah
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
Life goes by so damn quickly for me
Wanna have some fun
Leavin' - Mad Caddies
So, excuse me for the patheticness of my meaningless attempts at writing what I am thinking/feeling.
I've never been good at expressing how I feell.
I. as usual, am sitting home on Friday night... With my friend Chris, yes I have a name for Heineken. His name is Chris, long story which I'd be happy to tell someone sometime... If anyone ever cared enough to listen.
I think a big part of the problem is, that I spend a lot of time wishing I was somewhere else... Living a dream that really should've been dead already, but which has consumed me for more years than I care to remember... Thankfully, I don't remember all of the time/events that have brought me to this point.
Why is it, that we always want what we can't have? And no, I don't mean anything as meaningless as wantng the girl we never got... Something much deeper than that.
Things happens around us/me all the time, and far too many people are oblivious of it. What is IT, I cannot wholely explain.
Anyway, Morrissey and Chris are with me now... And so I return to silence but for the music the surrounds me.
Goodnight, and thank-you.
I've never been good at expressing how I feell.
I. as usual, am sitting home on Friday night... With my friend Chris, yes I have a name for Heineken. His name is Chris, long story which I'd be happy to tell someone sometime... If anyone ever cared enough to listen.
I think a big part of the problem is, that I spend a lot of time wishing I was somewhere else... Living a dream that really should've been dead already, but which has consumed me for more years than I care to remember... Thankfully, I don't remember all of the time/events that have brought me to this point.
Why is it, that we always want what we can't have? And no, I don't mean anything as meaningless as wantng the girl we never got... Something much deeper than that.
Things happens around us/me all the time, and far too many people are oblivious of it. What is IT, I cannot wholely explain.
Anyway, Morrissey and Chris are with me now... And so I return to silence but for the music the surrounds me.
Goodnight, and thank-you.
It is a peculiar feeling... Thining/being concerned that either, I lost an hour of Sunday night through drinking, or someone slipped something into one of my drunks.
It was all going kinda ok in Camden, left with plenty of time to catch the last train home... After an eventful/less evening...
I remember getting off the underground at Charing Cross, then things are a blur/total blank. Next thing I recall, was walking the streets of London, nowhere particualrly near Charing Cross station... Heading toward an office I sometimes work in.
Possibly the most frightening thing is that, I was fine/sober one minute and then fine/sober again... But confused.
So, I ended up walking through places I probably wouldn't/shouldn/t have been... alone at that time of night. But, I made it to Waterloo station. Just in time to have missed the last train to... anywhere. Faced with the prospect of a VERY expensive taxi journey home, or a long, boring, lonely night on a bench outside a station... I opted for the long, boring option.
A party was had, by me... Thank goodness my ipod was pretty-much fully charged. Sadly and sressfully, I ran out of cigarettes at about 3AM.
I eventually got on a train home at 6:29AM, fighting hard to stay awake... Coz if I had fallen asleep on it... I'd have ended up in Birmingham.
An evenful night, which was marred by fake people... The gloteratti of the alternative scene... Why oh why, are people who claim to be alternative/punk/goth... More cliquey than trendies?!?!?!? (can anyone tell me?)
Well, I am sure there was a point to make when I started this off... But it now escapes me.
So, yeah... I feel old and tired and slightly worried.
It was all going kinda ok in Camden, left with plenty of time to catch the last train home... After an eventful/less evening...
I remember getting off the underground at Charing Cross, then things are a blur/total blank. Next thing I recall, was walking the streets of London, nowhere particualrly near Charing Cross station... Heading toward an office I sometimes work in.
Possibly the most frightening thing is that, I was fine/sober one minute and then fine/sober again... But confused.
So, I ended up walking through places I probably wouldn't/shouldn/t have been... alone at that time of night. But, I made it to Waterloo station. Just in time to have missed the last train to... anywhere. Faced with the prospect of a VERY expensive taxi journey home, or a long, boring, lonely night on a bench outside a station... I opted for the long, boring option.
A party was had, by me... Thank goodness my ipod was pretty-much fully charged. Sadly and sressfully, I ran out of cigarettes at about 3AM.
I eventually got on a train home at 6:29AM, fighting hard to stay awake... Coz if I had fallen asleep on it... I'd have ended up in Birmingham.
An evenful night, which was marred by fake people... The gloteratti of the alternative scene... Why oh why, are people who claim to be alternative/punk/goth... More cliquey than trendies?!?!?!? (can anyone tell me?)
Well, I am sure there was a point to make when I started this off... But it now escapes me.
So, yeah... I feel old and tired and slightly worried.
Oh the joys...
A long weekend, and like most weekends, long or otherwise... I have nothing to do but spend time with me, myself and I, except for the supposed comforts of alcohol and cigarettes... And not forgetting itunes on random and high volume through my surround system.
A long weekend, and like most weekends, long or otherwise... I have nothing to do but spend time with me, myself and I, except for the supposed comforts of alcohol and cigarettes... And not forgetting itunes on random and high volume through my surround system.
Settle For Nothing - Rage Against The Machine
A jail cell is freedom from the pain in my home
Hatred passed on, passed on and passed on
A world of violent rage
But it's one that I can recognise
Having never seen the colour of my father's eyes
Yes, I dwell in hell, but it's a hell that I can grip
I tried to grip my family
But I slipped
To escape from the pain in an existence mundane
I gotta 9, a sign, a set and now I gotta name
Read my writing on the wall
No-one's here to catch me when I fall
Death is on my side....suicide!
A jail cell is freedom from the pain in my home
Hatred passed on, passed on and passed on
A world of violent rage
But it's one that I can recognise
Having never seen the colour of my father's eyes
Yes, I dwell in hell, but it's a hell that I can grip
I tried to grip my family
But I slipped
To escape from the pain in an existence mundane
I gotta 9, a sign, a set and now I gotta name
Read my writing on the wall
No-one's here to catch me when I fall
Caught between my culture and the system....genocide!
Read my writing on the wall
No-one's here to catch me when I fall
If ignorance is bliss, then knock the smile off my face
Yeah!
If we don't take action now
We settle for nothing later
Settle for nothing now
And we'll settle for nothing later
If we don't take action now
We settle for nothing later
We'll settle for nothing now
And we'll settle for nothing later
If we don't take action now
We'll settle for nothing later
We settle for nothing now
And we'll settle for nothing later
If we don't take action now
We settle for nothing later
We'll settle for nothing now
And we'll settle for nothing later
A jail cell is freedom from the pain in my home
Hatred passed on, passed on and passed on
A world of violent rage
But it's one that I can recognise
Having never seen the colour of my father's eyes
Yes, I dwell in hell, but it's a hell that I can grip
I tried to grip my family
But I slipped
To escape from the pain in an existence mundane
I gotta 9, a sign, a set and now I gotta name
Read my writing on the wall
No-one's here to catch me when I fall
Death is on my side....suicide!
A jail cell is freedom from the pain in my home
Hatred passed on, passed on and passed on
A world of violent rage
But it's one that I can recognise
Having never seen the colour of my father's eyes
Yes, I dwell in hell, but it's a hell that I can grip
I tried to grip my family
But I slipped
To escape from the pain in an existence mundane
I gotta 9, a sign, a set and now I gotta name
Read my writing on the wall
No-one's here to catch me when I fall
Caught between my culture and the system....genocide!
Read my writing on the wall
No-one's here to catch me when I fall
If ignorance is bliss, then knock the smile off my face
Yeah!
If we don't take action now
We settle for nothing later
Settle for nothing now
And we'll settle for nothing later
If we don't take action now
We settle for nothing later
We'll settle for nothing now
And we'll settle for nothing later
If we don't take action now
We'll settle for nothing later
We settle for nothing now
And we'll settle for nothing later
If we don't take action now
We settle for nothing later
We'll settle for nothing now
And we'll settle for nothing later
Regret... Sort of.
When I really spend much time thinking about it, I really ought to have many regrets... And many people would say I have a lot of things to regret, but when it comes down to it there are probably only 3 things in my 32-odd years of life that are worthy of paying them the time to class them as regret. I've lived more in the past 10 years than the 22-odd preceding them... But in other ways I've lived a whole lot less. I suppose the first of the biggest regrets I have, is not knowing when or remembering how I became so afraid, introverted etc. The second is not even regret now I think about it...
However the only real regret I feel, is the fact that I have lived pretty much alone these past ten years. Don't get me wrong, I have spent time with people... But that is just it, I have spent time... But I have been alone. I have lived far far away from my family, pretty much the only people who matter when it boils right down to it. I have missed out on ten years of their/our lives... And what do I have to show for it, absolutely nothing. So much has been missed which can never be recaptured... Too far, too distant. What the fuck am I doing, what was/have I been thinking? Who knows, the answer is elusive and non-existent all at the same time.
Parents, brother, I'm sorry... I am/have been selfish, with no feasible excuse... I lie to myself that I am living my own life and enjoying it, but quite honestly... It sucks. A pretty lame phrase to describe it, but it does the job all the same.
And as for everything else people think I ought to regret, well… two words, fuck that! It's all nonsense anyways... Not worth my thoughts and concerns, nevermind the wasted time of others.
I've lived, not always the best way, not always the 'prettiest' lifestyle... But it's all been done... All the same!
And to think, I got out of bed to muddle my way through these words... But at least, hopefully they won't flood my thoughts as I try to sleep... Another feeble attempt to put into words, the thoughts I think... Badly!
When I really spend much time thinking about it, I really ought to have many regrets... And many people would say I have a lot of things to regret, but when it comes down to it there are probably only 3 things in my 32-odd years of life that are worthy of paying them the time to class them as regret. I've lived more in the past 10 years than the 22-odd preceding them... But in other ways I've lived a whole lot less. I suppose the first of the biggest regrets I have, is not knowing when or remembering how I became so afraid, introverted etc. The second is not even regret now I think about it...
However the only real regret I feel, is the fact that I have lived pretty much alone these past ten years. Don't get me wrong, I have spent time with people... But that is just it, I have spent time... But I have been alone. I have lived far far away from my family, pretty much the only people who matter when it boils right down to it. I have missed out on ten years of their/our lives... And what do I have to show for it, absolutely nothing. So much has been missed which can never be recaptured... Too far, too distant. What the fuck am I doing, what was/have I been thinking? Who knows, the answer is elusive and non-existent all at the same time.
Parents, brother, I'm sorry... I am/have been selfish, with no feasible excuse... I lie to myself that I am living my own life and enjoying it, but quite honestly... It sucks. A pretty lame phrase to describe it, but it does the job all the same.
And as for everything else people think I ought to regret, well… two words, fuck that! It's all nonsense anyways... Not worth my thoughts and concerns, nevermind the wasted time of others.
I've lived, not always the best way, not always the 'prettiest' lifestyle... But it's all been done... All the same!
And to think, I got out of bed to muddle my way through these words... But at least, hopefully they won't flood my thoughts as I try to sleep... Another feeble attempt to put into words, the thoughts I think... Badly!
Questioning my own sanity.
I have in the past suffered from short term memory loss, however those memories lost in the short term have been regained in the long term. The main problem is, that I have pretty much no contact with anyone those memories are/were shared with. And the few people I do have any contact with have no recollection of the things I have memories of.. It is a strange and terrifying world of invisibility. Perhaps, possibly, probably, definitely, my own fault. But I don't really know of a way to break the cycle, part of me tells myself I do not want to know how... Another part of me is desperate to break the cycle. A conundrum of this thing so-called thing called life. Another meaningless rambling of an ever-increasing madman, surrounded by his madness, insecurity, solitude, loneliness and other words which escape me.
I have in the past suffered from short term memory loss, however those memories lost in the short term have been regained in the long term. The main problem is, that I have pretty much no contact with anyone those memories are/were shared with. And the few people I do have any contact with have no recollection of the things I have memories of.. It is a strange and terrifying world of invisibility. Perhaps, possibly, probably, definitely, my own fault. But I don't really know of a way to break the cycle, part of me tells myself I do not want to know how... Another part of me is desperate to break the cycle. A conundrum of this thing so-called thing called life. Another meaningless rambling of an ever-increasing madman, surrounded by his madness, insecurity, solitude, loneliness and other words which escape me.
Why is it that what feel like the best times of your life also feel like the worst times of your life? A paradox I am sure many people are faced with, and like me... come to no conclusion.
Let's just say that the past 10 years of my life have passed faster than a wind that takes place in Kansas near the home of a girl named Dorothy. I wonder who/what/where/why I am, and simply have no tangible answers.
.
.
.
.
This is the last blog I'll ever write (yay), I've changed my mind again (awwww).
.
.
Perhaps someday I'll get a comment.
Goodnight, and thank-you!
Let's just say that the past 10 years of my life have passed faster than a wind that takes place in Kansas near the home of a girl named Dorothy. I wonder who/what/where/why I am, and simply have no tangible answers.
.
.
.
.
This is the last blog I'll ever write (yay), I've changed my mind again (awwww).
.
.
Perhaps someday I'll get a comment.
Goodnight, and thank-you!
And here we are at the end of another day in our lives, working too many hours... For what!?!
Back to the place of discontent tomorrow AM, why... because we have no other choice.
Just time for a quick browse of SG to keep the spirits up.
Keep things as good as they are... Except for one question, a friend of mine came across an adult website the other day, which apparently displayed numerous pictures of models off this site... Not sure if this is related to SG, but thought this was more genuine and less mainstream and money-making concerned.
Isn't this supposed to be supporting amazing girls who look and dress different to all the sell-out girls/women who are portrayed on such sites? Perhaps I am wrong, but I kinda thought that this was supposed to be more than just another internet porn/money-making scheme. I thought this site was supposed to be original and not so much about just pictures of girls, but more about the whole aspect of breaking free from the typical way women are seen online or otherwise?!?!?!
Anyways, enough ranting... Probably boring people, and most others just won't care. If anyone out there has anything to say, good/bad or otherwise. Gimme a shout!
Back to the place of discontent tomorrow AM, why... because we have no other choice.
Just time for a quick browse of SG to keep the spirits up.
Keep things as good as they are... Except for one question, a friend of mine came across an adult website the other day, which apparently displayed numerous pictures of models off this site... Not sure if this is related to SG, but thought this was more genuine and less mainstream and money-making concerned.
Isn't this supposed to be supporting amazing girls who look and dress different to all the sell-out girls/women who are portrayed on such sites? Perhaps I am wrong, but I kinda thought that this was supposed to be more than just another internet porn/money-making scheme. I thought this site was supposed to be original and not so much about just pictures of girls, but more about the whole aspect of breaking free from the typical way women are seen online or otherwise?!?!?!
Anyways, enough ranting... Probably boring people, and most others just won't care. If anyone out there has anything to say, good/bad or otherwise. Gimme a shout!
And so another day ends, been meaning to write something for months. But the usual day to day nonsense of making the rent and other glorious bills always just eats up every single minute of what is for the most-part a worthless existence.
Many people with criticise for disrespecting life, but the way I see it... It is there to be disrespected.
Anyways, hope everyone is not too bored by my miserable comments.
Where did it all go wrong, and how did we all end up in the places we are... Doing the things we do.
Later.
By the way, a special hello to all the amazing girls I have listed as friends/bookmarks!!!!
Many people with criticise for disrespecting life, but the way I see it... It is there to be disrespected.
Anyways, hope everyone is not too bored by my miserable comments.
Where did it all go wrong, and how did we all end up in the places we are... Doing the things we do.
Later.
By the way, a special hello to all the amazing girls I have listed as friends/bookmarks!!!!
OCTOBER 2008
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SEPTEMBER 2008
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