ozotaku

The hardest thing in life is going to a job I love and trying to fake that I am happy when I nothing but a dark cloud engulfs me.

I am back at the abyss. Heatbreak is the story of my life. So over feeling broken and destroyed. Wish some one would kill me coz I cant take life anymore and I cant top myself.
Life is shit

Didn't have time for a video blog this morning. Already at work and nearly read to depart on the 6000km (3600mi) round trip to Darwin. Its a reasonable 15c in Adelaide and it we will get into Darwin about midday Monday to 32c but then its like that year round up there.
Have a good start to the week people. Mine already has

So tried a video blog yesterday and that was successful as my usual blogs. Not at all.
Today was another day off and spent a good hour at the gym and another hour later in the after walking my dogs, so no wasting my days off this week.
Too bad the weather has been wet and cold as I would like to get out into...
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Last night was a massive night. Started work at 11pm and was having a driving assessment from Keith to Adelaide (260km/ 162mi) one a Super Freighter started of with 3x 3000hp Locomotives with one hauled dead cause it was fucked. Then we had to stop in Tailem Bend and pick up a 4th loco, so by the time we arrived at our destination I was...
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It's 3am and got a PT Session at 11am that I can't cancel. Work was going well was looking at 2.5 hours early but end up getting in my car 10 minutes after knock off. It all kinda went shit and had a heated discussion which led to some major anxiety and now it's depression.
To be honest, I can't wait to get to the...
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Gotta say this going to the gym is starting to pay off. I havent lost any weight and it hasn't made suddenly attractive or anything, but I do feel better about myself. I have pride in who I am and everything about me.
So I will struggle out of bed today and do my 45 min cardio my PT has told me too, but suffering...
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Another training session down and it's not getting any easier. The first 10 minutes are hell and I still feel like headed and somewhat sick until that all just gives away to pain, but at 38 years and 5 months it's time to take control of my life. Throwing myself into physical exercise so I don't do myself in with mental exercise.

There has been...
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So I didn't make it to the Gym today coz i couldn't get out of bed it was so cold. I'm off to work in 7 hours and won't be back home until Sunday night (early Sunday US). Gotta buy food supplies for the trip and do a little cleaning before taking my boys Ryda & Cesar to my parents.
Thankfully this is a one...
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