I had a hard time leaving for work this AM. I was doing much better last night didn't have the shitty feeling in my chest, but this morning took alot of talking to myself and convincing. Guess they had a horrible accident yesterday where a guy got both his legs cut off from getting hit by a car, he died. Spent all morning checking my ambulance and cleaning it just in case. Glad I wasn't here for that call, I don't need visuals like that in my head when I'm trying to focus on coming to work. Man I remember when it wasn't hard at all to get in the car and drive. I was talking to my old partner and he told me to remember what I used to tell him. "Just got to go to work for those 2 days so you can get 4 more off". It does help to think of it that way.

I'm listening to J-pop stuff here at work. I hope it inspires me to do some reports. Not feeling it right now, just kinda want to go to bed. Super sleepy today. I realize now that I haven't been eating much here at work. I eat a good lunch, but I tend to skip dinner. I'm usually doing reports or screwing off and forget to eat. I'm pretty sure that's bad. Maybe I'll work on that tonight,

I wish I had more Locke & Key to read. That series is excellent, I think I need to read my new books of DMZ when I get home, Saga is awesome. And I am thinking of rereading Y: The Last Man.

Lots of positive stress right now. That can happen right? I'll be real happy when its all done with so I can focus on the next thing. I want a new vacuum and a love seat...and a bed. That's not to far off but it does seem like it's just out of reach.

guh, last night sucked. structure fire at 1130pm finished up after a medical aid at about 4am. 630am vehicle rollover. 2 hour nap at lunch (very rare here, almost on the level of a unicorn or a responsible adult). Tired, just want to go home. 11 hours to go. have a good holiday weekend folks.

So far so good on the Rx. I don't think I've noticed a difference yet, but I was told it was a 2 week thing before It takes effect. I dreaded going to work again this AM. I hate that. I like helping people. For the most part I like the job. I just feel so shitty the night before my shifts. It's like I have new guy jitters all over again. I hate it.

I hope I notice a difference next shift.

Ordering cupcakes for the wedding next week I might have to get one while I'm there.

PS Our shower looks brand new. Thank you Bar Keepers Friend.

RCPM was great bit of a hangover yesterday though.

Went to the MD and she put me on Effexor for the next 30 days and I have a follow up appointment on the 13th of June. So far so good. Well other than today. I got coffee on my way to work then had half a cup here and my Heart rate jumped to 120 until about 4pm today. No coffee for me tomorrow. I'll tell the Doc about it when I go back, and keep away from the coffee on an empty stomach. It was pretty shitty, I was really jittery and felt crappy. Last thing people want to see is a paramedic with a needle and shaky hands

I returned a phone call today from a Pt I had last week. She just wanted to say thanks for being nice and treating her well. She.....She wasn't a very happy camper at the ER. But I talked with her for a minute and it seemed to help. So go me I guess.

The light is at the end of the tunnel and the tunnel is called 8am Sunday morning. Unless someone calls in sick...then that is like someone turning off the light switch, throwing a bag over your head, then trowing you into a deep dry well.

12ish hours of the last blog is enough.

Going to Se RCPM on Wednesday and I'm super happy to be in a little venue These are two of my favorite songs right now.

Dr appointment monday. I hope I don't chicken out and not mention my head being scrambled issues.

I've been talking to the other guys at the station and it sounds like there is many people getting burnt out. we did some rescearch and the last 6 years the call volume for our station has increased 500 calls per year, every year. So from the point I became a full time employee we have doubled our responses from 2,250ish to a projected 4,500ish this year. 4,500 calls averages out to 14ish calls a 24hr period. 1hr spent running the call and transporting, 1 hr paperwork per call. 5-6 people on shift each day. 2 ambulances, so my portion is 14hrs a shift just with calls and paperwork, We have station duties, equipment checks and other stuff going on during the day. Ugh....anyways I've been noticing the Captains trying to get people to get stuff done before paperwork starts...that's a bunch of crap. I'm looking at other places to work but it will have to wait a while. Got to get through July at least. I'm going to end this rant. Its boring.and I feel like this is going to read like a shitty high school math question. I guess what I'm saying is, It's nice to know I'm not the only one frustrated here. Now it's just to find out if my anxiety and emotional mood swings are just from work or if it is my head malfunctioning.

Went to see Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers last night . It was a good show, but way too crowded . The show in Sebastopol will be much better. less people and food and drinks before. One day I'll go crazy fan and follow them on their California tour dates. That would be good times.

I hope everyone out there is having a good weekend.

Sometimes I just want to go home.

I've got taxes to do and addresses to hunt down for the wedding invites. I need to make a few Dr's appointments too, Monday I guess for that stuff.

I'm at work right now and so far this shift we had a girl fake seizures very well and a tweeker guy that we took to the ED started jackin' off like a mad man. He was arrested, He did it the previous day be ran out of the ED before he was caught. Meth is bad kids.

I've been talking to Mavenist about seeing the doc about some psyche meds, maybe it will help with some depression and the extreme ups and downs. I'm no expert. Maybe things could be alittle easier though. Less anxiety. I could be completely wrong though. Iduno.

The short version of the meeting was the head board member referring to the letter as threatening. One board member gave me a nod and a thumbs up under the table. And the new reporter at the meeting writing an article about how the board was now open for letter of interest.

Contract negotiations should be real interesting.

Sometimes I would rather read my comics and fast forward through time abit. I'm happy when I do that. I just finished the first volume of Morning Glories and I am enjoying it. I think The Jade story is my favorite. It is nice to see a pretty blond girl not be a horrible bitch in a "High School" setting. Casey is not what I was expecting and that is very good. I have books 2 & 3 of Locke and Key at home that I need to read among others.