So after being married monogamously for six years my wife and I realized we were both poly and decided to open up our relationship. But now we faced a challenge. Neither of us has actively dated for almost a decade.
So now that I've been dating for a while now I've noticed some similarities between dating and hunting. To be clear I'm not comparing women to animals or dating to chasing game or anything like that. What I mean is, like hunting I've had to learn how to date from scratch all by myself with some advice from people with only a tiny amount more experience than me. So consequently I've had a lot of painful learning experiences. Like the first time I went duck hunting only to discover that our rafts barely floated, the "pond" we were hunting in was more of a mud hole barely covered in water and that the types of ducks that land on that type of water taste like shit, literally.
Similarity I recently had an experience where I was approached by a gorgeous younger woman. I was flattered, she was hot as hell and I'm very much not used to getting approached by women at all. Or maybe I've just been more oblivious for most of my life. Anyways at first I was a little leery due to her age and initially thought we would be nothing more than friends. But after taking with her for a while I found her to be extremely witty, intelligent and far more mature than most women her age that I have run into. So we went out on a date. It was awesome we talked laughed and shared stories about ourselves and in general got along really well. At the end of the night we shared a very passionate kiss. It was wonderful.
Now I should note here that I am an extremely passionate person, I very much wear my heart on my sleeve and have a tendency to fall hard and fast. That being said I am also a very introspective and analytical person and have the ability to control or box my emotions when I want to, to some extant at least. When I start a relationship with someone I reach a point where I have to decide whether or not to let my heart go or not. At this point I make a very conscious decision whether or not this person is someone I want to persue romantically or not. If not then I put my romantic feelings in a "box" in my head. The longer they stay there the harder it is to let them out and so they usually stay there for the remainder of my relationship with that person.
When I decide not to, the emotions run wild the serotonin and dopamine in my brain go nuts and it's love, passionate, hot, hard and long lasting. *insert inappropriate comments here* I know some people will say that it's infatuation and not love and there is definitely an element of that. But the difference I believe comes in the decision, love is a series of choices not a feeling. I choose to behave the way I do towards my partners because I love them. I behave that way even when I am angry or grumpy I still choose to love them and all that is contained within that emotion and set of behaviors. Not to say I'm perfect and never snap at my partners or act grumpy towards them but the core behaviors of what I believe a loving partner should do are always there.
Anyways, after this first date I knew I had some questions I should have asked. I could feel them there in the back of my brain nagging at me but I chose not to ask them, yet. The reasons as to why I could go into but that's a long and complicated mess I haven't entirely sorted out in my own head yet. Her and I got together a couple more times had fantastic conversations and some really hot making out. I came to the realization that now, barely two weeks into the relationship I was falling in love with this girl. I knew it was silly and that I should try and hold back my feelings (which at this point I was still fully capable of doing) until I had the answers to those questions. (The questions were about her level of poly "experience" and pervious relationships etc.) but silly me I chose not to. The next time we saw each other I told her how I felt and I could see the trepidation in her eyes. I had expected this, I've learned over the years that people who fall the way I do are few and far between. I had no expectations of returned platitudes or declarations of similar affection. I just felt it best to be honest and put my feelings above board. Well, the next day I received a message from her explaining that she could not do poly and all of her reasons why. Very well thought out and intelligent affective reasoning. I don't fault her for her decision or reasoning. Poly certainly isn't for everyone. Not to say I wasn't hurt because I was. I was devastated. It was all I could do to finish my shift and go home and cry in the phone to my wife ( she was out of town at the time for work) I had a couple of drinks slept like a log and felt better the next day. Still upset but better.
And now comes the learning; I learned that I need to trust my feeling about those questions and force myself to ask them and get answers even if I don't really want to hear them. And I need to do this before I make the decision to let my heart go. Now to tie this back to hunting. My brother and I have been saying for the last two years how we are "tired of fucking learning experiences" every time we go out and get skunked(get no animals, and usually not see any ether) but learn a valuable lesson about what not to do. I'm starting to feel the same way about dating, while I'm glad to learn new things and I don't regret any of the experiences I have had in the last two years. I'm ready for the awesome stuff and have had enough of the painful learning already.
Anyways I'm done my self pitying bitch fest now. Thanks for reading everyone.
So a little edit on here, I feel I should add that all in all I am a ridiculously lucky man with an amazing beautiful wife. I just went through a rough couple of days and was feeling sorry for myself. My poly experience has been overwhelmingly positive just not easy! I don't want to discourage people from trying poly, cause it's awesome.