MEMBER SINCE: October 2012
occupation: Cook for a living
fantasy: Melissa marie green & Lights at the same time ;)
into: Girls, metal, pitbulls, guns, horror flicks, zombies & bud.
gets me hot: Pretty eyes, skinny legs, tight little asses, tattoos, and dark hair.
makes me happy: I like to smoke, fuck, & spend money. :)
sign: Gemini
body mods: Eyebrow piercing
I took the first needle I came across and the thickest thread I could find. I knew I would scream, and while it isn't how I preferred to start I forced the needle threw my lips again and again. Here I sat with my mouth sealed, as a voice of commitment.
I sat on the floor of my room, centered in a pile of tools. With a utility knife I sliced from my waist to above my belly button. My face soaked from the tears begging myself to stop. I traced the cut again and again. Each time hoping it would reveal an opening, this time it'll cut thru the fat. The pain never ceased, every second would feel like a minute, and each minute felt like all eternity. Finally I found a way and reached in. I pulled at my insides, praying something would rip. No such luck, I pulled and pulled til I felt something give way. Appendage in hand, I picked up the blade once more and sliced as if it wasn't attached to me. I lay there unable to move, unable to take any more, unable to make it stop.
In agony, I rolled to my side. My hand searched the floor for hammer and nails. Once found, I yanked the stubble of vile tubing out of myself further, enough to place a nail or 10 in it. I hammered myself to this worthless floor. The first nail felt like heartbreak, it always hurts worst the first time. The second nail felt like heartbreak, it doesn't feel any better the second time. The third nail didn't feel like anything at all, neither did any nail that followed. I lost count. Here I laid, with my insides attached to the floor for all to walk on as a sign of self worth.
I struggled for strength, yet it depleted more and more. I began to drag myself across the room, ripping my guts further from me, however mutilated, my journey was not over. At this point all sense of time is frozen, time no longer exists. There is only agony and the lack of will to endure it. A trail behind me, almost my complete body length away I came to the staple gun. I lacked the courage to cut...
I sat on the floor of my room, centered in a pile of tools. With a utility knife I sliced from my waist to above my belly button. My face soaked from the tears begging myself to stop. I traced the cut again and again. Each time hoping it would reveal an opening, this time it'll cut thru the fat. The pain never ceased, every second would feel like a minute, and each minute felt like all eternity. Finally I found a way and reached in. I pulled at my insides, praying something would rip. No such luck, I pulled and pulled til I felt something give way. Appendage in hand, I picked up the blade once more and sliced as if it wasn't attached to me. I lay there unable to move, unable to take any more, unable to make it stop.
In agony, I rolled to my side. My hand searched the floor for hammer and nails. Once found, I yanked the stubble of vile tubing out of myself further, enough to place a nail or 10 in it. I hammered myself to this worthless floor. The first nail felt like heartbreak, it always hurts worst the first time. The second nail felt like heartbreak, it doesn't feel any better the second time. The third nail didn't feel like anything at all, neither did any nail that followed. I lost count. Here I laid, with my insides attached to the floor for all to walk on as a sign of self worth.
I struggled for strength, yet it depleted more and more. I began to drag myself across the room, ripping my guts further from me, however mutilated, my journey was not over. At this point all sense of time is frozen, time no longer exists. There is only agony and the lack of will to endure it. A trail behind me, almost my complete body length away I came to the staple gun. I lacked the courage to cut...
MAY 2013



























Hanke