last night the drive home from work was good. things are very different now but once in a while a night comes that timewarps me back to being 19. 12 AM with testament and obituary blaring. rainy night. maybe it's the temperature that reminds me of all the old things. maybe the music. maybe the smell of the air. probably all of it. reminded me of a house i used to live in. roaches everywhere. you could hear them flying around you head at night. then "ping" when they hit the metal blinds. real nice. i had to keep my bowl and spoon in the fridge so they wouldnt get tainted. cookie crisp and taco bell everyday. one chanel, on a good day.
it was nasty through and through, but less complicated. i miss RIP magazine and blue sno-cones and pine needles and headbanger's ball and black t-shirts and mullets (business in the front, party in the back.)
eh, it was good to feel it for a little while.
it was nasty through and through, but less complicated. i miss RIP magazine and blue sno-cones and pine needles and headbanger's ball and black t-shirts and mullets (business in the front, party in the back.)
eh, it was good to feel it for a little while.
ya take the good
ya take the bad
ya take em both and there ya have
...the facts of life
...the facts of life.
there's a time ya gotta go and show you're growing now
ya know about
...the facts of life
...the facts of life
ya take the bad
ya take em both and there ya have
...the facts of life
...the facts of life.
there's a time ya gotta go and show you're growing now
ya know about
...the facts of life
...the facts of life
i am a technological moron. why does an mp3 player cause me so much trouble? i want to go to the gym but my body hurts. my self esteem will hurt though if i don't go.
yesterday was long. 16 hour shifts are ...well...long. dozed for a split second on the way home and dreamed of "everybody loves raymond." what a way to meet the maker - dreaming of a sitcom. the job is wearing on me. i came out there to deal with troubled boys, not to reprimand adults. after a while it dawns on you that just doing your job is the exception to the rule. know what i mean? grown folk who can't take care of their business has gotten old.
this fucking mp3 player....
want to try to finish up some ink work today. sorry, mom.
alright, it's working. not long till i'm lifting, listening to dokken and lita ford.
yesterday was long. 16 hour shifts are ...well...long. dozed for a split second on the way home and dreamed of "everybody loves raymond." what a way to meet the maker - dreaming of a sitcom. the job is wearing on me. i came out there to deal with troubled boys, not to reprimand adults. after a while it dawns on you that just doing your job is the exception to the rule. know what i mean? grown folk who can't take care of their business has gotten old.
this fucking mp3 player....
want to try to finish up some ink work today. sorry, mom.
alright, it's working. not long till i'm lifting, listening to dokken and lita ford.
i never write in this.
had a kid bean with a rock at work. he hit another kid and told me he'd throw at me too. i told him to do what he felt was right. i was 99% sure he would back down but i thought if he does throw it, i'd rather take it in the back than the face. i turned around, told him again, "do what you think is right" and pop, right behind the ear. next day i was in a fog, couldn't read well, forgot what i was doing all day long. anyway, kid's gone, as he should be. this way he hits me rather than another kid. that's the business...i guess.
but dang, i thought he'd hit me in the back.
had a kid bean with a rock at work. he hit another kid and told me he'd throw at me too. i told him to do what he felt was right. i was 99% sure he would back down but i thought if he does throw it, i'd rather take it in the back than the face. i turned around, told him again, "do what you think is right" and pop, right behind the ear. next day i was in a fog, couldn't read well, forgot what i was doing all day long. anyway, kid's gone, as he should be. this way he hits me rather than another kid. that's the business...i guess.
but dang, i thought he'd hit me in the back.
dimebag
maybe it all sounds silly but it all meant so much to me. when i didnt have any friends i still had that music. i knew they were only 2 hours away from me if i needed them, almost. being at a show with 10,000 fans in dallas meant home for me and everyone. it made me feel part of a community. it was all about staying strong, loving your own, leaving the rest behind, and rising above. i feel a personal loss. more than music or one man, i feel a loss for a younger me and a force that helped me through myself and i
remember my bad years and people's scowls and alienation and the home i felt i had within that music and attitude.
it feels like, "after all these years together, this is how we
end it?"
maybe it all sounds silly but it all meant so much to me. when i didnt have any friends i still had that music. i knew they were only 2 hours away from me if i needed them, almost. being at a show with 10,000 fans in dallas meant home for me and everyone. it made me feel part of a community. it was all about staying strong, loving your own, leaving the rest behind, and rising above. i feel a personal loss. more than music or one man, i feel a loss for a younger me and a force that helped me through myself and i
remember my bad years and people's scowls and alienation and the home i felt i had within that music and attitude.
it feels like, "after all these years together, this is how we
end it?"
i am thirty today. i got up early - didn't want to sleep through it. seven year lunar cycle, three decades. new starts. can see lines near my eyes. i like them.
i am a badass.
i am growing older.
i am a badass.
i am growing older.
FEBRUARY 2009
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