Went out to Alice's 21st birthday party, I wish things were different, I had fun I guess, but it was hollow.

Not one to thrust my problems or shadow them on someone's day that is meant to be happy, I played it off like nothing was wrong, and things weren't as bad as they truly are.

I'm completely stressed out, I feel a bit nihilistic, I feel like being selfish, maybe one of these self centered Hollywood pricks can teach me just how to do that.

I don't want to talk to anybody, I don't want any human involvement, I want to be left alone, my roomate leaves on vacation for a week tonight, and then it's just me in the apartment..

I still have no money, I suppose I can be thankful to whatever deity I am supposed to pray to at night, that I already paid rent, and my bills and my car payment for this month, and that only expendable 'spending' cash was lost.

I'm not an alcoholic by any means, but tonight, I just want to crawl into a bottle of rum and hide from the world.. and especially my compound multiplying problems that I can't seem to escape, but again, I have no money to even do that, because a coward with a gun would dare to take the things I work hard for.

ironic that it's warm and sunny outside, and I feel cold and grey inside..

Oh and then to ice the proverbial cake, there's the girl trouble, sometimes I question why I'm attracted to the emotional rollercoaster girls, are sane, secure, quiet girls really that dull, bland and boring as I find them?

Countdown to payday, one week exactly.

tik tok, tik tok..