Any lovely ladies interested in having lunch sometime in the Charlotte NC area? I could use some more female friends here.

Ok. Real talk. Sometimes I feel like a loon. I'm not sure where my anxiety comes from when it comes to talking to the opposite sex about feelings or even honest intentions of interest. But for some reason my confidence wanes and my shyness or maybe discomfort takes over. I am not OK with this. Why do I have to be alone? I just want to share my life with a nice girl. I have stared the possibility of my death in the face and smiled. Why the hell is it so hard for me to find a nice girl to share something with. Is it fear of vulnerability? Am I somehow concerned that I'll be less of a man if I open up? Or do I have some weird need to slut around before I settle? I swear sometimes I think I have that cliche' icy heart. But I still feel. Guilt for not talking to my family more. Guilt for not focusing more on school. Guilt for being here when I could possibly doing something more meaningful with my life. I always wanted my military time to mean something, to count for something, to make a difference in the lives of Americans....Somewhere in my life I missed a valuable lesson in sociability. Somehow I lost the path to normality; and frankly I'm profoundly OK and upset about it at the same time. I mean...I'm glad I have a different, unique, and honest perspective on life and what it means to be a free American.....But, being in college as a 26 year old veteran....I feel jaded, like I've missed a valuable part of experiencing the freedoms afforded our great country in a different way than I had in the military. Please, don't think me some ignorant former military type. Sad to say I'm far more intelligent than a majority of the youth attending our fine Universities. And, honestly, that's a problem. Mostly because I can't find the focus or motivation to continue in school. It's not that I don't know it is worth something. It's more that I can't decide on anything worth accepting as a life. I hate this. I wish I could detail the events or causes that define my character so succinctly, but, sadly I am at a loss. I feel the need to emphatically say that this is not a suicide note. I cherish my life. I just wish I knew what to do with it. However, in this day and age we can't just go on some walkabout or spirit journey, for that requires a capital that the average bloke can not afford. There are many things I wish I could experience or do in my time, though, I fear I may not have the luxury. I 'm not sure how many, if any, will read this. But goddamn does it feel good to type out and say.

Why am I such a dis illusioned fuck.

MMMHELLOO 2012...Here's to dodging Armageddon! Been a long time since I updated here. First semester back in school went pretty well. Class starts back up on the 9th.

I've been consumed by netflix, Battlefield 3, and Minecraft most of my break. Breaking away just long enough to go out for drinks every now and then...and to hit the bathroom of course.

And I'm out of things to say...Deuces...

My last month in the corps is dragging/flying by...strangest sensation. This whole "freedom of choice" thing I'm about to have back is quite daunting. I forgot what it's like to have options. Driving 7 hours back home on Sunday, with my luck I'll be swept away in a tornado. I'll be working through the summer and hopefully getting back into school in the fall or spring at the latest. On to Charlotte for that, sweet, sweet GI bill benefits.

We had a tornado touch down here yesterday on base. It was a couple miles away from the barracks but still worrying. I just looked at my roommate and said:

"We never got briefed on how to react in this situation did we?"
"No dude. That's why we're on the 3rd floor. Expendable"
"Fuck"

This actually made Yahoo! news a couple weeks ago. We actually came very close to doing something like this in 2009 while we were in Iraq.

Um...that concludes my semi-annual blog

Oh boy...It has been a long time since I actually blogged...I was still in Okinawa in January. Damn where does the time go? Not much to say really...Instructing is going well, no one has blown themselves or me up so far. Working on getting into college. Marine Corps Ball is next Saturday, Nov 13th. I have a date at the moment but its a little rocky and probably isn't going to last that long. Hmmm...guess I'll post again in another...geez...10 months!?

Thank you MLK for this extended weekend.

I'm freakin exhausted. PT this morning was hell, quite literally I half expected to see giant, three headed dog walking around. Ran a mile, ran the stairs up and down 4 times, calisthenics, ran another mile. It doesn't sound that bad but this climate is ungodly hot/humid. Anytime you can ring out your shirt from just 45 minutes of exercise, you know it's hot.

ah, my migration to japan is complete. soon i'll be acclimated to the heat here. it's hot as balls in this place. it really kinda sucks, there isn't much to do but at least i'm saving an assload of money. it's so much easier to stay on base and save money than rack up a 100 dollar bar tab every weekend.