Polaroids
Once upon a time when I was younger I exhibited an anti-authoritarian attitude, an aimless teenager, a rebel without a cause who leaned towards anarchistic views of the world; I had lofty ambitions to be a misfit and to topple fascist regimes.
I had been an avid reader of articles decrying the social injustices of the world & left-wing authors who espoused similar political views to mine.
I was a bleeding-heart socialist punk with suicidal tendencies & no real goals in life but to contribute as little as possible to societeh. Just because. Then I got a job... I don't remember much else from those days but I do remember a night where things really boiled over and my parents had enough.
My mum asked me, with a look that said she'd lost all hope in ever trying to fix things, 'What are you rebelling against?' finally sighing.
I said averting my eyes and taking a drag on a cigarette, 'Whada ya got that's easy... and won't take too much effort?'
Things don't always go according to plan.
Last month I enrolled in a uni course. Criminology. Yes, I am studying how to battle crime and improve our societeh. I hope to either join the Investigative branch of Federal Police or apply for a DOJ position.
I've been thinking, whenever I get the time to, recently that I may have been heading towards this point all my life and never knew it. I am becoming normal. I have never ever wanted to be normal. Wouldn't know how to be. I don't even know what it means. Friends ask, 'But what is normal?'
I say 'I dunno'.
Then I think maybe I'm going backwards. That is, we are all born evil war-mongers with black eyeballs and no soul, then as we grow and experience life we become more 'mellow' as we realise there are so many possibilities and explore issues outside of our immediate comfort zone.
O I have decided I could be taking polaroids instead of breathing, so I am aiming for at least one a day.
That is how I started this blog, anyway.
j
A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall
Well the rain fell and it fell hard on the east coast this past couple of weeks. Here in Sunny Queensland flash flooding, record maximum rainfall, emergency evacuations, & cyclonic conditions were the order of the day. As daily average rainfall levels reached 200mm from the city of Brisbane to the Tweed river all along the eastern seaboard and inner west, residents & businesses were left stranded. Contemplating the salvage efforts and what to do with water-logged belongings, locals have been left scratching their heads. 'What has mother nature wrought upon us?', you can almost hear them saying in the photographs.
Indeed, the past year mother nature has been peculiarly cruel to the residents of Queensland with multiple floods and stormy weather hitting the region and, according to news sources is set to continue.
I'm not a religious man but have we been sent a signal from above? Is this some sort of catalyst perhaps. A sort of Noah's flood washing away the detritus. We've become complacent, imo. Living in a world of excess does that to a man. There has to be a limit. We have inherited the financial crisis of the 1930s and thanks to the habits borne out of the 1980s we are in the middle of a global recession.
The greed never stopped. We have been 'gifted' economic stimulus money to get us(us or them?) out of this funk. Save less, spend more. Save the economy, spend more. Save yourself! Spend more!
A hard rain's a-gonna fall Dylan sang, like a father telling his son or some wayward boy not to go too far. Good 'ol Bob has atoned for many of our sins just by writing those ballads.
A hard rain indeed, we have a lot to answer for.
Well the rain fell and it fell hard on the east coast this past couple of weeks. Here in Sunny Queensland flash flooding, record maximum rainfall, emergency evacuations, & cyclonic conditions were the order of the day. As daily average rainfall levels reached 200mm from the city of Brisbane to the Tweed river all along the eastern seaboard and inner west, residents & businesses were left stranded. Contemplating the salvage efforts and what to do with water-logged belongings, locals have been left scratching their heads. 'What has mother nature wrought upon us?', you can almost hear them saying in the photographs.
Indeed, the past year mother nature has been peculiarly cruel to the residents of Queensland with multiple floods and stormy weather hitting the region and, according to news sources is set to continue.
I'm not a religious man but have we been sent a signal from above? Is this some sort of catalyst perhaps. A sort of Noah's flood washing away the detritus. We've become complacent, imo. Living in a world of excess does that to a man. There has to be a limit. We have inherited the financial crisis of the 1930s and thanks to the habits borne out of the 1980s we are in the middle of a global recession.
The greed never stopped. We have been 'gifted' economic stimulus money to get us(us or them?) out of this funk. Save less, spend more. Save the economy, spend more. Save yourself! Spend more!
A hard rain's a-gonna fall Dylan sang, like a father telling his son or some wayward boy not to go too far. Good 'ol Bob has atoned for many of our sins just by writing those ballads.
A hard rain indeed, we have a lot to answer for.
I saw a tree pissing today as I was running past it ...or at least it looked like it.
oh well guess it makes up for all those times that I did it.
oh well guess it makes up for all those times that I did it.
I Wish I Was The Moon
Chimney falls and lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands and bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired
I wish I was the moon tonight
Last night I dreamt I had forgotten my name
'Cause I had sold my soul but awoke just the same
I'm so lonely
I wish I was the moon tonight
God bless me, I'm a free man
With no place free to go
I'm paralyzed and collared-tight
No pills for what I fear
This is crazy
I wish I was the moon tonight
How will you know if you found me at last?
'Cause I'll be the one, be the one, be the one
With my heart in my lap
I'm so tired, I'm so tired
I wish I was the moon tonight
a lazy way to keep a journal but meh...
i would chop off my arm if she sang to me every night
i'm tired so tired
Chimney falls and lovers blaze
Thought that I was young
Now I've freezing hands and bloodless veins
As numb as I've become
I'm so tired
I wish I was the moon tonight
Last night I dreamt I had forgotten my name
'Cause I had sold my soul but awoke just the same
I'm so lonely
I wish I was the moon tonight
God bless me, I'm a free man
With no place free to go
I'm paralyzed and collared-tight
No pills for what I fear
This is crazy
I wish I was the moon tonight
How will you know if you found me at last?
'Cause I'll be the one, be the one, be the one
With my heart in my lap
I'm so tired, I'm so tired
I wish I was the moon tonight
a lazy way to keep a journal but meh...
i would chop off my arm if she sang to me every night
i'm tired so tired
Nothing
This is one of the books I am reading at the moment...
It's a fascinating portrait of one of the pillars of the Australian medical profession/community.
But let me say, that if you want to feel even MORE inadequate than you already seem, then this is the book to read!
I have never felt more insignificant and less important than when I leaf through the pages that document this man's rise from obscurity to minor celebrity. He makes me wonder what I could have done with my life. And while the accomplishments & causes he championed were all worthy of media attention, I take note of the fact I have led a piddling unremarkable little existence. I have done NOTHING to advance the human race... yet after achieving what most people only dream about this extraordinary man was dealt a cruel blow in late 2006 (the same year I joined the hospital he was working at) when he was diagnosed with cancer... funny how bad things happen to good people... and funny how through their lives those same people are able to affect the lives of others in both positive and negative ways.
======
Listening to this at the moment:
Peace. j
*
This is one of the books I am reading at the moment...
It's a fascinating portrait of one of the pillars of the Australian medical profession/community.
But let me say, that if you want to feel even MORE inadequate than you already seem, then this is the book to read!
I have never felt more insignificant and less important than when I leaf through the pages that document this man's rise from obscurity to minor celebrity. He makes me wonder what I could have done with my life. And while the accomplishments & causes he championed were all worthy of media attention, I take note of the fact I have led a piddling unremarkable little existence. I have done NOTHING to advance the human race... yet after achieving what most people only dream about this extraordinary man was dealt a cruel blow in late 2006 (the same year I joined the hospital he was working at) when he was diagnosed with cancer... funny how bad things happen to good people... and funny how through their lives those same people are able to affect the lives of others in both positive and negative ways.
======
Listening to this at the moment:
Peace. j
*
I heard this line in a song on the radio today and it cracked me up:
'I'm going to be a happy idiot..'
Dunno why though, just did.
It's from a Jackson Browne song called The Pretender,
I'm going to be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
Thought true love could have been a contender
Are you there?
Say a prayer for the Pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender
Never been that much of a fan but I'm going to try and listen to more of his stuff from now on.
Here are the lyrics to the full song.
j
'I'm going to be a happy idiot..'
Dunno why though, just did.
It's from a Jackson Browne song called The Pretender,
I'm going to be a happy idiot
And struggle for the legal tender
Where the ads take aim and lay their claim
To the heart and the soul of the spender
And believe in whatever may lie
In those things that money can buy
Thought true love could have been a contender
Are you there?
Say a prayer for the Pretender
Who started out so young and strong
Only to surrender
Never been that much of a fan but I'm going to try and listen to more of his stuff from now on.
Here are the lyrics to the full song.
j
I miss these guys.
Where my homies at!! Been a while since they put out anything no?
They've been compared to Pink Floyd but ...the fuck does that mean??
I just know they write good songs.
And Ms. Jackson was apparently about the relationship between Andre 3000 and his then ex-girlfriend, Erykah Badu.
Hmmm. Great video though.
I am also listening to a bit of Primus at the moment, for good measure.
Man oh man it's hot here! I'm going to the beach.
Where my homies at!! Been a while since they put out anything no?
They've been compared to Pink Floyd but ...the fuck does that mean??
I just know they write good songs.
And Ms. Jackson was apparently about the relationship between Andre 3000 and his then ex-girlfriend, Erykah Badu.
Hmmm. Great video though.
I am also listening to a bit of Primus at the moment, for good measure.
Man oh man it's hot here! I'm going to the beach.
First off a little update on 'my so called life'. Finally got rid of the rabid wild dog ex-gf and my existence here although tainted is a bit more peaceful.
However, staying on here doesn't feel like an option anymore. It has grown on me in a negative way... and as with everything else that 'grows' on me there is that need to shift & escape.
I have been here for a year and a half already. But while I completely fell in love with the place during the first few months and the whole idea of moving on my own to a new state excited me, I have slowly become weary of it.
I told myself when I made the move never to second-guess the decision and I hadn't ...til recently... I have found this is all I've been doing... for the past week and a half. Now all I can think about is having to do another self evaluation - check up on finances etc. - and think about what I wanna do this year.
I have to really take control of my spending habits if I want to do the things I want to do in this life.
Recently the big blows financially have been my car accident and the maxed out credit card.
Living in a place where excess is the norm and the only thing with free access that is of any value is the beach will take your enjoyment factor and divide it by half no matter where or what you're doing.
Simply because most of the time you're thinking of the old bank account and how you could've better spent that money by not spending it.
So I have decided in order to realise my goals a few things must take place. Firstly, a savings plan.
After much soul-searching and late-night debates in front of the mirror about whether or not I can get by without eating and other seemingly superfluous everyday habits, I have reached the conclusion that basic living costs, at the very least, have to be scrutinised.
Here's my to-do list effective immediately:
+ Sell belongings I don't use or need eg. DVDs, surfboard maybe?
+ Buy less alcohol, but not cut it out completely
+ Buy less, period!
+ Forego unnecessary purchases eg. impulse items such as cds and dvds
+ Pay off debt
+ Find a flat and a job in Melbourne
+ Cannot skip without hopping so as much as like it and the people I have met through it I have to quit my current job
+ Tell flatmate that I wanna move out ==> kinda done this one already
+ Look for a secondhand van or hire rates for a van
Oh and I watched the best movie I've seen in a while last night... 'My Life As A Dog'
It was a sorta coming of age story but weird. Anyway, falling asleep soooo....
*
However, staying on here doesn't feel like an option anymore. It has grown on me in a negative way... and as with everything else that 'grows' on me there is that need to shift & escape.
I have been here for a year and a half already. But while I completely fell in love with the place during the first few months and the whole idea of moving on my own to a new state excited me, I have slowly become weary of it.
I told myself when I made the move never to second-guess the decision and I hadn't ...til recently... I have found this is all I've been doing... for the past week and a half. Now all I can think about is having to do another self evaluation - check up on finances etc. - and think about what I wanna do this year.
I have to really take control of my spending habits if I want to do the things I want to do in this life.
Recently the big blows financially have been my car accident and the maxed out credit card.
Living in a place where excess is the norm and the only thing with free access that is of any value is the beach will take your enjoyment factor and divide it by half no matter where or what you're doing.
Simply because most of the time you're thinking of the old bank account and how you could've better spent that money by not spending it.
So I have decided in order to realise my goals a few things must take place. Firstly, a savings plan.
After much soul-searching and late-night debates in front of the mirror about whether or not I can get by without eating and other seemingly superfluous everyday habits, I have reached the conclusion that basic living costs, at the very least, have to be scrutinised.
Here's my to-do list effective immediately:
+ Sell belongings I don't use or need eg. DVDs, surfboard maybe?
+ Buy less alcohol, but not cut it out completely
+ Buy less, period!
+ Forego unnecessary purchases eg. impulse items such as cds and dvds
+ Pay off debt
+ Find a flat and a job in Melbourne
+ Cannot skip without hopping so as much as like it and the people I have met through it I have to quit my current job
+ Tell flatmate that I wanna move out ==> kinda done this one already
+ Look for a secondhand van or hire rates for a van
Oh and I watched the best movie I've seen in a while last night... 'My Life As A Dog'
It was a sorta coming of age story but weird. Anyway, falling asleep soooo....
*
