I'll be in NYC July 17th through the 31st staying with a friend in Brooklyn (my first time in New York!). I'd love to hang out with anyone that's in the area (that would be willing to show me around or to get some drinks or something). Drop me a line if you're out east and you'd like to get together...

I'm gonna score a cool K2 bike tomorrow from this guy on Craigslist for only $250 so I can finally get into this whole city-biking thing (it's really the craze these days...and why not?) Hopefully it should change my perspective on San Francisco for the better (as well as my perspective on my out of shape body!). I may even get rid of my car, eventually (after a few road trips). Really looking forward to it...

Hello one and all. I have nothing to say. Nothing to say at all in this blog. Except perhaps that I don't like blogs much, and that most--if not all--of the few blog entries I've made should be disregarded. It seems like I've only ever made blog entries when I've wanted to complain, whine, vent, criticize, etc., and that can't be good. I should write one when I have something nice to say for once. Or perhaps never write one again. We'll see which direction it goes...

I am back on SG. I'm not even sure why. I have no justification. Not for this or for anything else, really. I guess it just worked out this way. Life has a funny way of going in circles and of never really getting you anywhere, except maybe older. Yes, I am older. A bit. And I will be finishing grad school and back out in the world again soon enough. What the hell will I do? I don't really know. Continue to be a 'therapist' and get paid jack shit for it, most likely. Serve my time as an intern until I can take their stupid examination and begin to do shit my own way and to possibly make some money. It will be a rough sentence to serve.

And I'm back to the internet porn. As if I ever really left. Well, I left SG out of frustration and have returned out of a different type of frustration as well. Call it sexual or call it existential. Or call it pure pornographic defense mechanism. It's all the same to me.

I have cancelled my account and finally come to terms with the fact that I shall probably never have sex with any of you SuicideGirls, or at least not by means of this site, and that there was really never any value in it for me other than that in the first place (aside from porn factor--but I can get that anywhere on the internet, and for FREE). I guess I did meet a few cool people through the website (members--never SGs), and had an important sexual encounter through it once (when I really needed it), but other than that, it hasn't done shit for me other than provide an additional means of wasting my time. I'm really fucking good looking and have got plenty of shit going for me and don't need or want this site anymore for anything. It's almost like the site has somehow kept me from getting laid as much as I otherwise would have. Why waste time leaving attractive girls comments when you could be chatting with them out there in the real world, and learning much more quickly and concretely whether you're getting anywhere with them? I mean, shit: I gots skills and I know it. I just need to get out there more and use them, and stop being so lazy and complacent. If I want to fuck hella chicks by the time I'm married and/or dead than I better get at it, and I better get at it real SOON. I better get at it before I lose my youthful good looks and ineffable charm (then again, when I'm older I'll be a kick-ass, well-off psychotherapist and probably get even more action than I ever imagined possible...). And this computer screen can't see any of those things. It's dead. And so are all of your comments to me, so long as I never see the person delivering them. They're dead, digital. Computers and the internet are the antithesis of life in some ways.

But I and my libido live on...

If I don't have sex with other women then I may end up dating an attractive Jewish princess that's trying to compromise my singleness and tie me down (sure, the sex is great, but still...). Help!

Looking for random, meaningless, safe sex with moderately-to-extremely attractive women...

Is there anybody OUT THERE? I'm attempting a bit of a life experiment, here, and looking for brave participants. There will be no monetary compensation, though there may be food, drinks, laughter, intellectual discussion, and other non-monetary forms of compensation.

I am attempting to determine the meaning of my sexual life and how I respond to "meaningless sex" (i.e., sex had outside of a loving relationship) versus "meaningful sex" (i.e., sex had within a loving relationship). My hypothesis is that the more meaningless sex I have, the more favorably I will respond to meaningless sex in the future, and seek out futher meaningless sex. An additional hypothesis is that the more meaningless sex I have, the more I will find and begin to construct meaning out of that meaningless sex, thereby complicating the distinction beween the two.

I'm not sure how I'm going to measure all of this yet (most likely phenomenologically), or where the results will be published (Is there a 'Journal of Sexual Life Studies'?), but I do know that I am going to make it happen, one way or another.

Please feel free to respond (ladies only).

Yay! My ex has fucked another dude (not once, but TWICE...in the same night...w/o a condom the second time!)! And she doesn't even like him (except for sex and friendship, apparently)! Now I can completely forget about her. Utterly. And stop using her as an excuse for me not to fuck other people.

No more excuses, Jake.

Fuck.

I am strongly considering not renewing my SG membership in December, when it runs out. I have been so bored with the website recently: the pictures (especially), the comments (perhaps the quantity more than quality), and my failure to use the website as a way of meeting anyone that I could potentially have sex with (I have in the past, but those days appear to be long gone...). It seems that not having SG would be a good thing, both in terms of the time I would not waste on it, as well as in terms of the potential added motivation of actually meeting girls in person instead of by means of some silly softcore porn site. I mean, no offense: most of you girls are beautiful and probably very interesting people, but it seems that I shall never meet any of you through this site, and that I shall only ever milk myself dry at your oftentimes silly naked pics, to no real avail (except perhaps of further advancing my carpel tunnel). Better for me to meet, or at least to attempt to meet, equally attractive girls in San Francisco that are not immediately given to me as material for masturbation (I think it's better that that sort of feeling come later than sooner, if ever, with girls). I would rather encounter people as people first than people as nude sets. Then again, isn't the idea of SG that it is so much more? Well, I doubt it. But if it is, I certainly don't see it.

It should be obvious that I am single again, sexually frustrated, and taking it out on SG (again--I believe I did this once before, a year or so ago). But this doesn't necessarily invalidate my point. It only goes to show that beautiful, sensitive guys like myself--studying to be a psychotherapist, for fuck's sake...apparently the only straight man in the program--simply cannot survive on this cold, harsh, cutthroat website. We are inevitably marginalized, while the dominant culture prevails: the dominant culture of arrogant, emotionally and intellectually inept assholes (with or without tattoos and piercings, who may or may not be in bands--most likely), who may fancy themselves different or unique or creative, but whom are really just all the same hipsters or punk-rockers or emo-boys or whatever, and who probably couldn't create anything other than run-of-the-mill garbage (be it music, film, photography, writing, whatever) because they don't really FEEL anything at all, except maybe some pathetic remnant of high school, teenage rebellion ("Look at the new skull I got on arm, dude!!!", "Isn't my new nose piercing rad???", "Man, nobody can play these guitar chords THIS loud!!!")...these type of men seem to enjoy all of the privilege. Or they at least seem to be getting more sex than I do. But should I really be surprised?

No. Such is the way the world turns. Almost no one ever really gets what they deserve in the end, be it good or bad. And, by that token, I should expect to be holding my dick in my hand for who knows how long. But only until December in the face of you Suicide Girls. Ha.

Unless some miracle could convince me otherwise...

Meeting ladies from this website in person is fun, fun, fun. I'd like to meet as many as possible before I decide to hang up the SG towel for good (who knows with my imminent starving-grad-student budget). So if anyone wants to know what j. edward is like in person, let me know! You probably won't be disappointed. Apparently, the word is in that my online "persona" more or less matches how I actually am in person (yay--concurrence of self-image and other-image). The only problem with that would be if you HATE my page. But, even then, I wouldn't mind fighting with you or at least engaging in some healthy argument...