so someone reactivated my account for 3 months. it would be nice if the person would would come forward so i can thank them properly. thanks to whoever it was.

i think its time for me to go.....

my myspace is on the profile page if you want to keep in touch.

otherwise, au revoir....

so finals are over. i am officially graduated from college. hot damn.

bobby borg is the biggest washed up has been ever. the guy needs to get a fuckin life. dont know who he is? google him. it will explain a lot.

what pisses me off the most, i missed an against me! show last nite. i fucking forgot about it. that is something i never ever do. i ALWAYS go to against me! shows. but i have been so busy with the stresses of life and school that i totally forgot. and the next show is over 4 hours away. i am still in shock and feel appalled at myself for missing it. i am ashamed of myself.

reality is setting in. i graduate in 2 weeks. my training is done. and now im suppost to go out and find a job. and it's not like i havent learned anything. i know so much more than i did before and im gonna run my label better and more efficient. i just feel like im getting shoved out prematurely. and im going up against the corporate moguls. none of the indies are hiring, and the majors barely give anyone a chance unless you been in the industry for 5 years with a good track record. and i should feel qualified to get the jobs, ranked in the top 5 of my class, i've done more work in the industry than anyone else in my class, and more than most people my age. i just... i dont know. it's scary. like tomorrow is my last day at sanctuary/bravado, and i had to say bye to one of my bosses today, and it was a really difficult thing for me to do. they all love me there, they support me and want the best for me. and leaving that is so tough. and they are trying to do everything they can to get the funding to hire me or get me hired elsewhere. its just hard to leave such a great place, a place that is so supportive. my parents tried their best to be supportive, but i just never got the support i needed throughout my life. and now facing these cold harted corporate workers, its scary. i need a job and i dont feel like im gonna get in unless im super lucky. i dunno... i guess i just need let it all sink in.......

i guess you dont realize how life can be until you are knee deep in that shit. did that make sense? probably not but fuck it. i have too much going on in my life. and i feel like have been a lazy ass mother fucker. i spend all my time at school, work, and working on my own stuff. on top of all of that i have to have time to write, draw, and practice. then i somehow i have to find time to clean, do laundry, and organize my itunes. i also gotta make time to start taking music lessons, and continuing my apprenticeships. to make things more exciting, i havent talked to my shrink in almost 2 months which i've only gone through a million things since the last time i talked to her. the icing on the cake, i have no money. i roughly have $150 for the next 2 weeks, and i have to buy groceries, gas, my meds, and bills. oh, and i have to figure out a way to have enough money to run a business. i am worn so thin right now that i have absolutely no clue what to do at the moment. i can't cut back on what i am doing now, because i have to do the things that i am doing. yet, i can't add on anymore or i wont have time to sleep at all. *sigh*

i am a hypocrit. we all are hypocrits. every single one of us practice, preach, and believe so many things yet we all go against it. i am taking my stand and admitting it, i am a hypocrit. do you have the guts to do the same?

"lets slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful"
-+44

-i saw happy feet last night on imax last night. i was in penguin heaven. i seriously could watch that movie for the rest of my life. it made me happy. once amc gave me 4 free tickets and my money back for treating me like shit and fucking up the first showing i went to. but going home at 3am with penguins in my head was worth it.

-i'm interning at sanctuary records now. it's really cool. larissa is easily the best boss on earth. and i have a ton of new free cds and posters. the jokes on drive-thru cuz i got their entire catalog for free, thats what they get for turning me down for an internship. i finally feel like im really doing something with my career.

-+44 has an amazing new cd. you all must get it. and to the guy that i work with that said "anyone who says this is good, must be on crack". you're a dumbass-- 75,000 copies sold on the first day. if that doesn't say that the band is awesome, i dont know what does.

-yesterday i listend to black light burns cd (wes borland's new project with guys from nine inch nails, a perfect circle, and big dumb face). they are still shopping labels. and what i have heard is amazing. wes borland on vocals is awesome. think pretty hate machine with wes borland on guitar. whoever and whenever the cd gets put out. it will blow the world away.

-i may soon be severing all ties with SG, the state of georgia, and the state of florida. i will keep around a select few. if i disappear, hopefully you will know how to contact me outside of SG.

-lately i have been battling with my values. i strongly believe in so many things, things that i am right about, that i have proof to support my views. but its a neverending, uphill battle. and im just about to give up. its seriously making me feel like i have no impact or value to anyone or anything. seriously, people need to start taking care of themselves or i am going to end up ruining what little is left of me.

-i really hate the value of money in society. seriously it has way too much impact on people. it places your public worth to society and stops actions based on morals and values. it effects peoples health, mentality, art, creation, value, and perception. it's a hassle for everyone. it's a reason why i feel trapped cuz im stuck in this cramped studio apartment filled with what little possesions i have instead of being in a moderately sized living space. and there are people who probably work harder than i do and are far off worse. people who do shit with their lives end up with the 3 story mansions with buttlers and nannies. while we bust our asses, work jobs for little or no pay, and get stuck in the smallest portion of earth. i mean my car is like 2 days away from falling apart, i work for free, and live in a small area. i sit at record labels and watch them worry about the bottom line and making huge profit than doing what they can to get someones heart and soul and art to the masses. if money and greed wasnt such a high priority for people, then heart and soul would be put into peoples work. wouldn't it be amazing to see people put all their efforts into what they love to do in life? things would be more beautiful, life would have more meaning. this world is so numb and cold...

"please understand, this isn't just goodbye, this is i can't stand you"
-+44

"fuck the world"
-tiger army

-midterms are finally over

-my brain is a puddle of goo on the floor at the moment

-i think i did ok-ish?

-contract, copyright, and tax law sucks

-i am now interning at sanctuary records, and then will intern or have an entry-level job at fontana distribution (division of universal records)

-i need a nap

-happy feet is comming out soon. dancing and singing penguins for 103 minutes. that will be my heaven.

-i'm working at a big songwriting convention tomorrow. i hope to make some good connections.

-i'm currently working on recording my solo project at the moment. i'm not too sure on how i feel about it.

-i miss jacky dog.



-i dont get to go home for thanksgiving. which sucks. and it killed my mom and i feel horrible about it.

-tomorrow will be 10 months without a cigarette. this week i've really missed it.

-god needs to start playing nice.

recent events are as follows:

- my toilet was possed by satan and flooded my bathroom twice. once, right before school causing me to be late.

- my bathroom sink wont stop running.

- my a/c froze over.

- after hours of disinfecting and cleaning, it is all finally fixed.

- c.c. deville from poison came to my school yesterday. hes an awesome guy and super entertaining. he gave me much needed laughs and made my day.




- "i hate every bone in your body, except mine"
-c.c. deville

- today was long, boring, and halloween.

- i have yet to let go and give up on something. and it gets worse everyday. and what i saw today makes me wonder and crushes me at the same time. i seriously am falling apart over this situation and dont know what to do with myself anymore.

- some under-qualified prick straight out of high school, who knows absolute bullshit about the music business, just got an internship i interviewed for. and im fuckin pissed about that.

- i want to enjoy halloween, but with homework, contracts to review, laundry, and my place being a mess because im so busy with school, i dont think i will have a chance to enjoy it.