A lot of babbling about my life
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Well, I've been on my new medication for a while now and I'm finding a decent balance I think. The celexa works great to remove my depression and help control the mood swings from being BPD. Unfortunately it wasn't helping with my anxiety attacks, so I had to start a new medication. So now I'm on celexa and gabapentin. Seems to be working OK. I might be a bit more irritable but not enough that it's worth going back to constant low grade panic attacks and heightened anxiety.
I can't help thinking that some people are so obsessed with thinking they need to find the medications that will make them magically "normal" that they don't realize when they're on a decent mix of meds. I think they don't realize that there isn't a "normal" range of emotions that people feel. There's just a balance of emotions that you can learn to control and live with. That's really all I'm looking for and I seem to have gotten it, with no real side effects, which is great.
My in-laws have been doing a lot better since I made them go 6 weeks without the boys. They haven't had any incidents and they've been more cautious about taking them on trips. At the very least they've been reinforcing the buddy system I set up.
Met a girl online who claims she wants to bone me, but of course she lives in Georgia. *chuckles* Ah well, at least someone out there is willing to affirm I'm not a complete schlub, sometimes just getting the ego boost helps. In 4 months it'll be 3 full years since my wife died. The boys and I have adjusted pretty well. We talk about her, we miss her, but we're not devastated anymore. I look back on it now and realize that I was functionally insane for about 8 or 9 months after she passed away. My Mom and friends did a really good job keeping my stress just low enough that I didn't slip off completely. Only one stay in the psych ward, and that was for a few days to get me started on the anxiety medication, so it worked out well. I can't pinpoint anything, but I can look back at that period and realize my mentality was COMPLETELY fucked and bizarre. I know I'd have committed suicide if it wasn't for the responsibility of having my kids to hang onto. They gave me enough of an anchor that I was able to come back. Now I'm in an OK place. Ok at least in that I'm pretty functional and getting somewhere that I can be happy.
My kids are doing pretty well. My oldest has finished summer school and will be starting 2nd grade in September. My youngest will be going to Head Start so I'll actually have weekdays from 8:30 to 3 to myself, which'll be the first time in over a year since I've had regular time free of kids. I had to take my youngest out of daycare for financial reasons a while ago and he's been a very lonely little boy since. So I think head start will be great for him.
I'm in a really frustrating place dentally however. I had pretty strong teeth growing up for all my life. They were solid, never got cavities and basically were just badass. I had an issue where I was missing an adult root under one of my left lower jaw teeth. So until I was 27 I had the baby tooth in its place. Then I took Lamictal for a while and one of the rare side effects boned me. "tooth breakage" but since it's a slow thing, I didn't notice. Then I was eating a gummy bear and one of my molars shattered into pieces. Two of my incisors started chipping at the sides, one of my lower canines started hollowing and crumbling at the base and that baby tooth just rotted away. The baby tooth got pulled and I got a root canal and crown on the shattered molar. But I didn't have insurance so the rest just got a little patch and left as it stands. Now I've got medicare but it doesn't cover dental stuff. So I'm faced with having 5 missing fillings and possibly 3, maybe 4 teeth that have problems. If I went to the local dentist that works on a sliding scale, they'd probably pull the problem teeth. But that would leave me with a missing incisor and canine at the very least. So I'm left with the option of letting my teeth continue to hurt, or deal with looking like a professional hockey player.
Well, I've been on my new medication for a while now and I'm finding a decent balance I think. The celexa works great to remove my depression and help control the mood swings from being BPD. Unfortunately it wasn't helping with my anxiety attacks, so I had to start a new medication. So now I'm on celexa and gabapentin. Seems to be working OK. I might be a bit more irritable but not enough that it's worth going back to constant low grade panic attacks and heightened anxiety.
I can't help thinking that some people are so obsessed with thinking they need to find the medications that will make them magically "normal" that they don't realize when they're on a decent mix of meds. I think they don't realize that there isn't a "normal" range of emotions that people feel. There's just a balance of emotions that you can learn to control and live with. That's really all I'm looking for and I seem to have gotten it, with no real side effects, which is great.
My in-laws have been doing a lot better since I made them go 6 weeks without the boys. They haven't had any incidents and they've been more cautious about taking them on trips. At the very least they've been reinforcing the buddy system I set up.
Met a girl online who claims she wants to bone me, but of course she lives in Georgia. *chuckles* Ah well, at least someone out there is willing to affirm I'm not a complete schlub, sometimes just getting the ego boost helps. In 4 months it'll be 3 full years since my wife died. The boys and I have adjusted pretty well. We talk about her, we miss her, but we're not devastated anymore. I look back on it now and realize that I was functionally insane for about 8 or 9 months after she passed away. My Mom and friends did a really good job keeping my stress just low enough that I didn't slip off completely. Only one stay in the psych ward, and that was for a few days to get me started on the anxiety medication, so it worked out well. I can't pinpoint anything, but I can look back at that period and realize my mentality was COMPLETELY fucked and bizarre. I know I'd have committed suicide if it wasn't for the responsibility of having my kids to hang onto. They gave me enough of an anchor that I was able to come back. Now I'm in an OK place. Ok at least in that I'm pretty functional and getting somewhere that I can be happy.
My kids are doing pretty well. My oldest has finished summer school and will be starting 2nd grade in September. My youngest will be going to Head Start so I'll actually have weekdays from 8:30 to 3 to myself, which'll be the first time in over a year since I've had regular time free of kids. I had to take my youngest out of daycare for financial reasons a while ago and he's been a very lonely little boy since. So I think head start will be great for him.
I'm in a really frustrating place dentally however. I had pretty strong teeth growing up for all my life. They were solid, never got cavities and basically were just badass. I had an issue where I was missing an adult root under one of my left lower jaw teeth. So until I was 27 I had the baby tooth in its place. Then I took Lamictal for a while and one of the rare side effects boned me. "tooth breakage" but since it's a slow thing, I didn't notice. Then I was eating a gummy bear and one of my molars shattered into pieces. Two of my incisors started chipping at the sides, one of my lower canines started hollowing and crumbling at the base and that baby tooth just rotted away. The baby tooth got pulled and I got a root canal and crown on the shattered molar. But I didn't have insurance so the rest just got a little patch and left as it stands. Now I've got medicare but it doesn't cover dental stuff. So I'm faced with having 5 missing fillings and possibly 3, maybe 4 teeth that have problems. If I went to the local dentist that works on a sliding scale, they'd probably pull the problem teeth. But that would leave me with a missing incisor and canine at the very least. So I'm left with the option of letting my teeth continue to hurt, or deal with looking like a professional hockey player.
I've never figured out why medical packages cover dental so poorly - if they even cover it at all. As what is probably the most used medical service for the average person, you'd think that would be the one people need the most help with, but it's always the one that's left out.