I don't know how to tell you this, but idealism is dead.
We dug a little hole and buried it. We said a few words about how it tried real, real hard even if it didn't accomplish alot and that should count for something.
I thought about crying but seeing it in that little grave just reminded me that I didn't give a shit.
That was idealism's funeral.

I cannot whip pan

I'm not 25 for 3 days and my mom is sending me emails to set me up with the daughter of her best friend from high school back east.
Christ, mom! I get it! I will get a new damn girlfriend!

Very quickly I will celebrate the 25th anniversary of the day I succeeded in escaping my mother's womb and this puts me in a very strange mood indeed.

Can I get a pet jellyfish? Is that something a person can have?

Goddamn it, willpower!
Where the fuck did you go!
I'm pretty sure you were around here somewhere.

I dreamt of her again.
How long are you going to haunt the insides of my subconcious for?
You are ruining it for everyone one else, how are they supposed to compete with an invented ideal???

Today at work, my bosses called me in for alittle informal chat.
Appearantly, my co-workers think I don't do my share of the work.
At any other job, I would concede them that point- working hard is for suckers.
But at this job, the vast majority of our day is consumed by sitting and staring.
The parts of my job where I work have become so rehearsed that I can complete them in easily 2 hours.
My co-workers, however, despite decades of never leaving this job, have never really got the hang of it and can spend endless hours on the same tasks and still have to leave their work for the next shift to finish.
So when my bosses sat me down today to hear what I thought of their concerns, I basically agreed to spend more time pretending to be working so my co-workers don't feel so retarded.

Damn you, Dead Rising! Get out of my life!
I can't stop playing the damn game and I have very important other things I am supposed to be doing.
But I can't stop killing zombies, I dream about it!

When I left my apartment yesterday, there wasn't a hint of snow or other general winteriness.
27 hours later, I find myself ankle deep in snow and severely undressed for the weather.

Today is cleaning day. I must clean my entire apartment.
Its been a long time coming and I have pretty much run out of 'putting it off' time.
Though my big plan for this is now that my house will be clean I'll be able to get on those other projects I've been putting off much the same as cleaning.
Those are some pretty lofty dreams I have. Motivation and commitment.
Also if my house is not clean tomorrow, my mommy will be disappointed in me when she shows up to see my apartment.