well, it was one hell of a summer. my birthday was may 12, and i made some life decisions.

i haven't written about it much here, but wrote at length, especially toward the end of the season.

anyway, i found nirvana for a brief period, but my moods got int he way, and reasoning with an electrochemical process in the brain is impossible. all that process does is cycle through my emotions at a rate determined by whatever factors, in fact, determine it. sound circular? it is. and trying to find deeper meaning in anything that lacks it fundamentally, say for example existence or a mental illness, will only bring irrational thought, and eventually crippling delusion. it happened to me this summer, and it's been happening worldwide ever since the first person thought to ask how we came to ask this question.

i have had at least two full psychotic breaks before having my gallbladder out two weeks ago. one lasted more than a week and culminated in my near-decision to become a real-life version of the joker in my town, before realizing something was awry. i also had a day of being trapped inside my head while my body was on autopilot at work, and the only things i could express to anyone were what i consider in hindsight to be equivalent to cries for help. tomorrow i'm going to see a therapist and see about getting on a mood stabilizer so the moods aren't an issue and i can begin to meditate in earnest and reclaim the zen that i found much more easily than i thought.

and by zen and nirvana, i don't mean a literal enlightenment like everyone seems to think it is. in reality, it is simply inner peace and the ability to flow like water around a stone when dealing with whatever comes your way in life. that's it.

my band is doing well. we put out the album finally, and have gotten rave reviews so far. we're just beginning to write new songs for an ep and hope to have it recorded by the new year.

life is generally good, and i think i found an ultimate purpose, for which...

well, it was one hell of a summer. my birthday was may 12, and i made some life decisions.

i haven't written about it much here, but wrote at length, especially toward the end of the season.

anyway, i found nirvana for a brief period, but my moods got int he way, and reasoning with an electrochemical process in the brain is impossible. all that process does is cycle through my emotions at a rate determined by whatever factors, in fact, determine it. sound circular? it is. and trying to find deeper meaning in anything that lacks it fundamentally, say for example existence or a mental illness, will only bring irrational thought, and eventually crippling delusion. it happened to me this summer, and it's been happening worldwide ever since the first person thought to ask how we came to ask this question.

i have had at least two full psychotic breaks before having my gallbladder out two weeks ago. one lasted more than a week and culminated in my near-decision to become a real-life version of the joker in my town, before realizing something was awry. i also had a day of being trapped inside my head while my body was on autopilot at work, and the only things i could express to anyone were what i consider in hindsight to be equivalent to cries for help. tomorrow i'm going to see a therapist and see about getting on a mood stabilizer so the moods aren't an issue and i can begin to meditate in earnest and reclaim the zen that i found much more easily than i thought.

and by zen and nirvana, i don't mean a literal enlightenment like everyone seems to think it is. in reality, it is simply inner peace and the ability to flow like water around a stone when dealing with whatever comes your way in life. that's it.

my band is doing well. we put out the album finally, and have gotten rave reviews so far. we're just beginning to write new songs for an ep and hope to have it recorded by the new year.

life is generally good, and i think i found an ultimate purpose, for which all other things i do will be a part, and it goes something like this:

art imitates life.

life is art.

for an artist, they are one and the same.

my life will be performance art, though genuine, as i seek to lead by example and project nothing but positivity at the world and only make positive, constructive criticisms and suggestions. that i am part of the problem or part of the solution is utterly true and i will be part of the solution.

in all my artistic endeavors from here out, i will always only ever be positive and strive for positive social change in the world.

the way i see it, i want to play music for a living, and the way things look, i may eventually make that a reality. but once i'm given the mic on a larger stage, i'd damn sure better have something worth hearing. and i will.

i'm working on some sort of websit/book/whatever it becomes about buddha's idea that ignorance causes suffering, and that for me to help the world overcome suffering (war, famine, poverty, persecution) we must work to rid ourselves of abject ignorance like religion and superstition and politics as we know it.

i have some hope, pun not intended, that our next president will do far better than the last six or so, and if things work out well.

i'm not an idealist, i'm an optimist. i seek the best in everything in life, and anything that isn't up to par, i am more than eager to help learn how to make it better for everyone.

the basic posit of my new paradigm and philosophy is derived from something so innocent and innocuous that only a few of us really get that bill & ted's excellent adventure is vastly distant from the popcorn brain fluff most people take it for at face value.

but the bottom line is this: how WOULD our great historical minds, who strove for improvement in life and thought, react to the world of san dimas in the year 2008? not well, i can imagine.

so i say this:

be excellent to each other.

and party on, dudes!

make everyone else's life better, thereby improving your own, selflessly, and then enjoy life for what it is and what we've made of it, because in a literal sense, that's all there is: what we make of it. let's make the bowling averages go up, the mini-golf scores go down, and let's have the most excellent waterslides of any races we encounter in our travels through existence, speaking both metaphorically and literally on that one.

later.