say hello to the next chapter in my life:


April 29th, I will be saying goodbye to Wixom, and setting up (hopefully semi-permanent) residence in a spacious loft apartment in historic Corktown, just outside of downtown Detroit.

There's a lot of reasons for the move (lease is up out here, not enough room for my roommates and I, Wixom is in the middle of nowhere...), but honestly...

...I just don't know what else to do.

i need something different.

i need inspiration.

i need to breathe.

i need to live again.

thinking back, the last time I was truly happy was when I was living in Detroit. things were tough, money was tight, but I felt a sense of belonging, a "raison d'etre" that I seem to have lost over the years.

maybe this push to move into the city proper is due to subconscious recollection of joyful memories, of fresh perspectives and worldview-altering experiences stemming from the time I spent transplanted eastward of my suburban, white-bread upbringing. I know my sense of social balance and acceptance were forever changed by my submersion in a culture where I was the minority, and those changes irrepairably affected my relationship with my family, drawing into sharp focus the words of my mother, and how she was raised into a world that, while not malicious, looked down upon people of other color or background. "It's bred into her," I'd remind myself, "and she doesn't mean offense by it," but I would cringe whenever she'd correct my pronunciation of a word with "you sound so black when you talk like that."

regardless... i'm done being a missionary to the outer regions. it's back to the heartland for me, to recharge, rejuvenate, reflect, and recenter myself. Wish me luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a tangent, or something like it:

Love is patient
love is kind and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
faith, hope, and love;
but the greatest of them all is love.

I was reminded of those words, from the book of Corinthians in the Bible, at a recent wedding I was not in the proper mental and emotional state to attend (if you know me, you know what I mean)... and I realized that there is no greater purpose than to love and be loved, and that the Biblical definition of love as stated by Paul in his letter to the Christians in Corinth is the most comprehensive and accurate I have ever known... and yet, his guidelines seem so obvious to me.

and i fall so short.

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SG-related:

i just got an e-mail from SG, stating that my credit card was declined. no, it's not cuz i'm ghetto. i just got my fancy new card (with PayPass!) in the mail, and it's got a new expiration date, which I failed to update in my account settings. but, due to the pending move, and other situations in my life, money is ultra tight, and I think I'm just gonna roll with it, and let my account go grey for a while.

those of you who want to get ahold of me, all my contact info is readily available at the bottom of my profile window on your left... it's even got my MySpaceon there, if you wanna be my MySpace buddy for all time... or if you wanna be made aware of the hella sweet housewarming party my roommates and I are planning for mid-to-late May. or just e-mail me. it's funkmunky@funkmunky.net, for all who wanna drop me a line.

and, please, nobody assume that this is some sort of drama-ridden emotastic cry for attention, or that i'm somehow unhappy with SG, or the people on it. I'm tired of hearing all that crap about how the site has gone down the shitter. whatever. just like with everything else in life, SG is what YOU make it for yourself, and if you have issues with it, you have no one to blame but yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I probably won't update again before my account goes grey. so I hope you all take the time to read this. I love you all.

--

Don't speak.
Words come out your eyes.
You're wet with this nightmare.
Like thorns you hold these secrets to your breast,
your slender fingers closing into fists.

Trace your bruise
like a guilty streak.
Hold the pain.
You're a connoisseur.
You think you have no other gift to give,
but we have so much left to live.

We don't need a lot of money.
We'll be sleeping on the beach,
keeping oceans within reach.
(Whatever private oceans we can conjure up for free.)
I will stumble there with you
and you'll be laughing close with me,
trying not to make a scene
etcetera. Whatever. I guess all I really mean

is we're gonna be alright.
Yeah, we're gonna be alright.
You can close your eyes tonight,
'cause we're gonna be alright.

So come on now,
I can almost see
that place
on a distant shore.
And courage is a weapon we must use
to find some life you can't refuse.

We don't need a lot of money.
We'll be sleeping on the beach,
keeping oceans within reach.
(Whatever private oceans we can conjure up for free.)
I will stumble there with you
and you'll be laughing close with me,
trying not to make a scene
etcetera. Whatever. I guess all I really mean

is we're gonna be alright.
Yeah, we're gonna be alright.
You can close your eyes tonight,
'cause we're gonna be alright.
All that I can see is your eyes.
Close your eyes.
Close your eyes.

-- Over The Rhine, "Etcetera Whatever"

made it another year.

will update later with a picture of my drunken roommate delivering a rousing birthday greeting at midnight.

going to sleep now, to waste the first few precious hours of the anniversary of my delivery into this world.

goodnight for now.

--

made it another year.

will update later with a picture of my drunken roommate delivering a rousing birthday greeting at midnight.

going to sleep now, to waste the first few precious hours of the anniversary of my delivery into this world.

goodnight for now.

--

it's been 3 days now, and my DSL modem at home is still alternating between soothing green and angry red strobing on the signal LED...

SBC is gonna owe me a hella service credit. I called on it Monday night and filed a work order.

Bastards.

--

wow. emo moment has past. (passed?) whatever.

who likes my new profile picture? I'm trying out new ones this week. I kinda like this one. it's really me.

--

one step forward, two steps back.



please tell me this is all worth it... cuz i can't take much more of this.

--D

R.I.P. Edgar Stiles.

my friend Kristy invited me to go to THIS with her tonight:



but my wardrobe inventory will not support the dress code.



i'm not cool enough, I guess.

anyone got a leather thong and some electrical tape I could borrow?

--