Sometimes, I think our brains do that to protect us.

I've never been to a cider mill, but that sounds like one of the most romantic places at which to propose.

whoa...sorry guy. I wish you coulda came tonite we'd'a had a smashing good time but stuff happens ya know?

Hope yer dads okay man.

anywho, here's whatcha missed(lucky for you I have the uncanny ability to take great pics with my cell).

After some very brief research, until this past December, I was right. The MLCC declared the price and retailers would have to sell it for that price.

Now it's a bit more of a free-for-all. Retailers are allowed to set their own prices at or above the state-mandated minimum.

So yes, you were right.

I never called you because you only wanted me to call to see if my cellphone worked over there. It didn't, so how could I call?

I do believe I even TOLD you that.

Dork.

there are more memories in there. they are just so deep, so buried, that yeah like sorcha said its kinda like a protection device. our lives change, we change, and time moves on. which IS a good thing inthe long run, it just seems like a fuckin joke rite now, ya know? the only way to conquer a phobia is to face it head on btw. as my therapist would tell me lol i find myself not able to sleep. at all. vicodin and muscle relaxers carry me into oblivion even when im so exhausted i cant walk from my car to my door. i lay in this bed, and i can still smell him. i can still see the girls faces, i still disgusting and unwanted, funny how a person can affect you in those ways. its like every step i take forward i take 4 backwards. somehow he affected me to a point of no return i guess. i long for the day i cant remember. or struggle to picture details. i know rite now its raw for me because its still going on. i miss sleeping without nitemares and pills, and i miss sleeping with someone.
and that was just a ramble i probably shouldnt have posted lol sorry. but ya know what? itll be OOOOOKKKKKK cuz the way way from here is up.
on a better note, i got a date with the boy from work woot woot i guess thats a good thing.....
i miss you and love you and hope you have the bestest week ever!
<3ang

thanks...

and...

the good things, when they're gone, become bad things
when the memory brings regret, and the present light seems darker
scents and sounds, sweat and sighs, once brought chills,
now bring cries...

no.. see you tuesday

Its haunting how much I can relate to what you said, because I have had very similar thoughts recently.

I actually had the same bed for about six months after the divorce (it seemed foolish initially to get rid of it, we bought it after I was working nights and by that time she had already resorted to sleeping on the couch, so it just didnt feel like our bed) and I didnt sleep for shit on it. I replaced it with a smaller bed and have slept very well ever since.

I really dont have a clear recollection of sleeping beside my spouse, perhaps because it didnt happen a whole lot in the last year of our marriage.

I have alot of phantoms that remind me of my failure. Every time I hear a girl say the word marriage I get this chill, this fear in me. I dont really know why, but it scares me to think about being married again.

The only distinctly intimate memory I have from my marriage is laying under her crying mere weeks before I asked for the divorce. I remember all the pain of crying and her looking at me and not even realizing it, so lost in something that was not me.

I am fortunate that there were no real epic moments to scar me or put phobias of places in my mind. As I did not propose its hard for me to remember real clearly how I even came to be married, but I do remember that at our reception, aside from one dance, we were not together very much. I have alot of pictures from the day, and there are virtually none of us together. In hindsight it should have been a premonition, foresight on the years to follow.

I'm glad you got to enjoy your victory lap.

I was only 11 minutes late today! Stupid train...

Of course he went home. Scrubbing = work. Didn't you know "I want more hours" is code for "I want to play on the computer & veg out on company time"?

[Edited on Oct 03, 2005 6:17PM]

my probelm is that I have no car anymore to drive around

beds are weird. they bring out the oddest things. like when i was in a long distance relationship with said nick, i would sleep like normal when he was there. (on my own side of course.) but when he wasn't there, i would sleep completely sideways on my queen bed. just so i wouldn't miss feeling him on "his side".

theres a phish song that really goes with this whole entry. but part of it that i will type is
....when your here i sleep lengthwise, and when your gone i sleep diagnal in my bed......

miss u kid.
ang<3