well, my latest subscription to sg is almost up...and i really can't afford to renew right now. being poor sucks. i'll miss the makeup group...hopefully i'll be back in the red some day..then i can come abck n lust over the grrlies...

ok, so when you tell someone on here you're not interested and they continue trying to hookup with you and you've been polite and told them you're not interested...at what point do you tell them you're DONE? so a guy on here has sent me messages a few times offering to basically be my sugardaddy and i have told him every time in a polite manner that i was not interested. i didn't get all screamie or bitchie, just said no thanks and he keeps doing it. i got another one today. HAD IT! i told him i had told him no 4 times and that i was blocking him and reporting him. i hate that i finally had to block someone on here, personally, i think it sux cuz i've been here for years and this guy is the only choad i've had to do this to, but he's just not getting it.

(and omg im ognna yakk! some broad just walked into my gallery and her big toes are long like fingers...YUKKKKKKKKKK!!!)(put on some freaking shoes please you monster-toed sasquatch!)(ok, that's outta my system)

and back to this person i just blocked...dude...he's rather smarmy...he looks like a used car saleman...clearly still enjoying the 70z in a way i never could. in fact, he reminds me of the creepie blonde guy in the hot tub with jack box in that new jack in the box commercial...ugh!

ok, yeah, i'm slacking again. i had a few rough days with my bipolar, just crawled up inside myself, but i'm doing ok. poor ronnie just doesn't know what to do when that happens. he says he's getting better about it, tho. it sucks that someone you love has to "get better about it", he shouldn't have to get used to it, get used to handling it. i feel badly for him, i wish my brain was well, but i think i'd also be a much different person if that was the case n even though i'm kinda fukked up, i'd rather be me than take a chance on being someone else. stupid, right?

new raio station in hell lay...they're playing backwater swirling/meat puppets right now. so far so good for this station. lots of foo fighters. sorta kroq, but not sucking as hard as kroq. it's more of the rock and not so much whiny bullshit.oh, and they play buckcherry...now if they could just play some rob zombie... or i could just go back to bringing my ipod with me to work...

since i last wrote i resq'd a kittie. pirate tonks laFitte. she's so cute and she has learned about wet food. man, as soon as i get home at night she let's me know it's time for her food...kinda funny since when she first came to me she had no idea of what wet food was...

i'm getting a headache

wow...my brain isn't doing soo well right now. hasn't been for a few days. while i'm maintaining, i can totally feel that i'm down in a hole, i feel so small n crappy right now. i guess it's a good thing that my cowboy hasn't been feeling well n has been staying home n not coming over, cuz it just makes it so much harder when the person you're with doesn't understand n thinks you can just stop it or 'fell better' in an instant. the last thing i wanted was sex, but i gave in just to get it over with so i could move on with my evening without it driving him crazy. sex should never happen just to get it over with, so i KNOW my head is not in the right place. i know what triggered it, or at least part of it. but i also feel as tho the rainie weather i've been getting should boost myspirits since it's my fave weather, but i guess this just means i'm really broken right now.

broken...

p.s. it's dime day...hail all that is dime. RIP dime, you are missed brother

wow, i met the parents yesterday. i met pretty much the rest of his circle of friends...the ones i always hear about when he's doing his college football thing on saturdays...whilst i'm being football widow. he's so funny, he calls me all day long while he's with his friends just to say hi n let me knpw what he's up to, or tell me how much he's won while they're playing poker...so all the stories have faces attached to them now, and everyone lurved my ceviche n said i was a keeper as long as i keep making ceviche, lol. but his dad never got his "coors light hair", i was so bummed, i was waiting for it.

it's raining! OMIGAWD i couldn't be any happier unless my boss had called me n said she wasn't coming in n told me to stay home too...but she did call me n tell me to close early...like i wasn't going to anyways?

holy crap! evel kneivel is dead! this just seems so wrong!

reading disturbing things on the web...kthxbye

wow, yeah, ok, that last blog was a bit of a bummer, but i figure fukk it, it's out there, and there is little i can do about it.

but i thought of something today that made me really happy...

MAGIC WORDS...

magic words, you ask? yes, magic words. no, not like hocus pocus or abracadabra...i mean like words that you hear and they give you an instant mood lift! my boss brought me brownies today(she always brings me food ~ i love my boss and my job). now when she first told me she had brought me brownies, i didn't run off and devour them as i had to get some stuff done before fedex arrived, but after i got that stuff packed up, i went to the fridge to get a coke and i found my brownies... and as i was babbling to myself, i said "brownies", and man, just saying the word made me insanely happy...

BROWNIES...

try it! what's your magic word?

and yes,i am sure that there will be many other magic words as time goes on, but man...BROWNIES!

and for some reason today, as i was blasting music an getting ready for work, CANDY/iggy pop came on...i listened to it three times, singing louder each time. for some reason, CANDY is today's anthem. i can contribute the song to at least one moron in my life, and wow, it came out in 1990! back then it wsa funny tio think of the song referrinf to something from 1970, but now, it's 17years later n this song is still relevant to me. i think there should be an anniversary SOMETHING for this sing in 2010...something...

iggy pop and brownies

oh gawd, so a month ago, i went to the dr for my annual...pap came back abnormal, so i had to go back for a colposcopy, but they only do this procedure on thursdays, then my period comes a week early cuz i'm so stressed out about having to have this procedure, so the colposcopy has to be pushed back an extra week. so i finally see the dr., as soon as she gets the microscope inme she informs me i have HPV(human paploma virus), an std, and for the past 35 years, i have been clean, no diseases of any kind ever and now i've got this and lesions and she takes 6 biopsies from inside me to check to see if they are cancerous. so for the amount of time it took for these to grow inside me...guess what...thanks youknowwho cuz i was clean last year! wel, i had to wait 2 weeks for my results, so i went in this morning for my results. "low grade lesions - NOT cancerous"(boy is he fukking lucky!!!) so yeah, his indescretions have given me the gift that keeps on giving, and i could have possibly given it to ronnie. this will go into remission n the lesions will go away if i either abstain from sex or ALWAYS use a condom for the next 6 months. i hate condoms, and honestly i almost feel like abstinance is an emotionally more acceptable choice cuz every time i see that condom come out i'm going to think of youknowwho and want to rip his head off his shoulders. don't get me wrong, i'm very happy that i don't have cancer cuz i was really fukking scared, but now that i don't it just frees me up for a whole lot of hatred.

and that fukk keeps bugging n wants to hang out! so pathetic! let's have dinner n watch a movie...dude...get over it cuz i sure as fukk am over you!!!

so that's my thursday...