In the hopes somebody somewhere can and/or will give me feedback. Does the following unfinished free verse (May be a couple places that are lacking in iambic form...fucking lit classes) poem suck or not suck? Quesitons, comments, thoughts, opinions, flaming, whatever are welcome. Or not. I'm easy.
Secure complacency has split.
A portcullis has seized.
A thrusting spear protruding, prying, twisting; free
The Angels; free the Devils. Paradise is lost.
Forgotten struggles bubble, boil, blister, spill.
The better Angels fight the bitter Devils.
The Devils, oppressed, repressed, boundless, shove without digress.
The Angels, silent, finite, fall.
Laments unsung. Their barrows bare, their toll unpaid.
For who shall sing the song and dig the grave and part with coin
For saviors lost; unmourned, unloved, unknown.
Their light begins to fade; the Devils pass.
They ravage, rape, and raid.
Host, ill-begotten, terrorized.
I've thought about just deleting the last three lines and not writing any more and just ending the damn thing after "For saviors lost; unmourned, unloved, unknown."
Secure complacency has split.
A portcullis has seized.
A thrusting spear protruding, prying, twisting; free
The Angels; free the Devils. Paradise is lost.
Forgotten struggles bubble, boil, blister, spill.
The better Angels fight the bitter Devils.
The Devils, oppressed, repressed, boundless, shove without digress.
The Angels, silent, finite, fall.
Laments unsung. Their barrows bare, their toll unpaid.
For who shall sing the song and dig the grave and part with coin
For saviors lost; unmourned, unloved, unknown.
Their light begins to fade; the Devils pass.
They ravage, rape, and raid.
Host, ill-begotten, terrorized.
I've thought about just deleting the last three lines and not writing any more and just ending the damn thing after "For saviors lost; unmourned, unloved, unknown."