I'm now a fully trained "Escalated Customer Service Agent." I take the calls other agents cannot. Which means I now spend multiple hours of my day getting screamed at. The stress is getting to me.

I'm worried I'm going to get fired because I keep scoring as "does not meet requirements." Why? Well, one, because I've been in 1 week of training every month this year, and every time my job changes quite a bit, so every month I have to re-calibrate myself. Also, there's bullshit in the scoring which basically works against me since I am escalated service... I am taking calls where the customer's are already pissed off. Is it really any surprise everyone in my department has lower scores than the others? Hell, one time I was far above the average in my department / team, and I was still not meeting "minimum requirements." I keep getting told I need to improve. Yes, I've talked to them about this BS, multiple times. I'm also "far exceeding" multiple other requirements...but that doesn't matter, as long as I'm under in one, I'm counted as under in all. It's stressing me out.

So much so, that when a series of problems occurred from my work that negatively effected me, I basically snapped at my boss. I was worried that would get me fired because I did not do it ... gracefully.

And then...I started having internet problems. Basically, my internet keeps going out in the middle of my shift. If it happens too often, that's a fire-able offense. Is it my fault? No. But a lot of people have abused it. Also, even if its not my fault, its still my responsibility to have internet. It appears to be the cables inside the building, so just switching companies won't fix it. We have done quite a few things to alleviate the issue, but it isn't 100% fixed yet. That is stressing me out.

But I started losing internet the day after I snapped at my boss. That can't look good, and one of my manager friends mentioned it looked really bad. Especially since I've already shown signs of fatigue with the job, and the fact that I've been taking more and more days off (every year before now, I basically never took days off) further pushes the idea that I'm done with the job.

The thing that worries me the most though... I don't even care. I AM done with this fucking job. I am almost to the point I want to get terminated. I don't want to deal with this bullshit. I hate customer service. Hell, I barely like talking to people at all, let alone for 8 hours. With 3 of those hours being me getting screamed at, breaking me down as a person. I don't like apathy. I fear it. And its setting in, and its affecting other parts of my life.

I can't remember if I wrote it here, or my personal journal, but before NOLA I told myself the reason for my discontent was because I needed a vacation, and I was just excited / anxious over it. Not to make any drastic decisions until after NOLA. Well...its after NOLA, and things are basically worse.

I have an interview next week. It's for a video / commercial marketing group, so actually in my field. Something I'm slightly overqualified for, but I don't think so much so that it's going to hinder me. I have extremely high hopes... well for anything not my current job. I just have to bide my time with my current job and not get fired between now and whenever I find anything new.

Actually, this will start as a complaint. The best thing that happened to me last week was probably the rejection from the Bartendress. I got rejected. That is what happened, and even if I'll be okay with it... it still hurt. And that was the best part of my Monday-Friday work week. I was busy and stressed every day last week, so I never had time to process that, or the stress of my job, or any of the other things going on I won't write down in this blog. So my processing of my shitty week was my 3 hour drive over to Bend. I got to Bend, met up with my friend and her boyfriend, and was in such a shit mood. I kind of just kept staring off into space. I eventually just excused myself before finishing my drink, went to my hotel, locked myself in my room and actually just started crying from all the stress until I passed out.

The next day they did get me cheered up some. We were all signed up for a 10k race. We all dressed like the flash:

...Unfortunately, I failed at the race. Bend, Oregon resides at 1.1km (3.6 k ft) above sea level, while I live at sea level. So a lot less oxygen. Next, the run we did was a dirt trail, so dust everywhere. Furthermore, it is their tree pollen season. I could not run. I ran 2 miles, and fainted. Got taken to a doctor, and had to walk back. I could barely breathe for the rest of the day.

Still, I had the best time I could. My best friend was there, how bad could it be? We ate some of the best Fish Tacos I've ever had, some amazing cupcakes, drank some beer (well, I drank Cider), and had some great conversations and laughed a lot. Saturday was a good day. Kept me cheered up until Monday occurred, and I logged back into my job...