How The Lonely Keep.

Terminal - "Miss Louisiana"

I stay, drifting through my head
With the static you left

It's hard to start off a weekend with shit news and still have an amazing time and manage to keep present, but I did manage to do it. And my weekend WAS amazing.

Now that I've unpleasantly flopped back into the reality of my current situation, it's time to fucking grind.

Pray if you believe, wish me luck if you don't.

Love,
Chelsi Ann

The days do not get any easier, and I don't ask for help because I don't even know how to help myself at this point.

All I wanted was to go home.

So tell me something bad you've done
Tell me 'bout your ghost
Tell me 'bout the game you won
And the one who lost

Doubt you if, in some such moment,
As she fixed me, she felt clearly,
Ages past the soul existed,
Here an age ’tis resting merely,
And hence fleets again for ages,
While the true end, sole and single,
It stops here for is, this love-way,
With some other soul to mingle?

Else it loses what it lived for,
And eternally must lose it;
Better ends may be in prospect,
Deeper blisses (if you choose it),
But this life’s end and this love-bliss
Have been lost here.
Doubt you whether
This she felt as, looking at me,
Mine and her souls rushed together?

Robert Browning

Grease stain. Bear trap. Busted knees. Fuck the world, forever two wheels.

We held Dad's funeral this weekend.
I was pretty numb until they did his military honors.
Then I effectively lost my shit.




I want to know this kind of happiness in my life.


On Friday, I have the arch bars removed from my mouth. $837. Just for the removal of the hardware. Hopelessness is sinking in.




I don't know. This year has just been hell.