Cadavre.....
is completely unstable.
The longer Corey lives here (about 6 months now) the angrier he gets, but he adjusts. The longer I stay here, the more I lose my flipping mind. I still really haven't made too many friends (there's the ones I've made from this site that live around here..and the ones I talk to at school but haven't gotten comfortable enough to hang out with them), still no luck on the job....and I just don't FIT here.
I'm counting down the months til Corey and I move back. We leave after here graduates in Dec (luckily the beginning of it). I'm really jealous of Corey...his parents are flying him home for the Easter weekend, mostly so that he can go to his DeMolay lodge's 10 year anniversary. My parents couldn't afford to fly me up, plus I wouldv'e had to either 1. miss class on monday or 2. Miss a lot of easter, the whole reason I wanted to go home. I may have my loan checks and I may have spurlged a bit to begin with, but I don't think I can afford the airfare, with having to pay off my tuition and maybe anything for my new car (that I get THIS WEEK...there's one upside) and helping with rent. I'm jealous that he gets to leave this place, even for just a few days, and I'm also worried about my mental stability. This will be the first time since November that I will have to spend a night (not just one, but 2) without him in our bed. I'm prepared to drug myself for the weekend and just sleep.
Again, the upside is that my parents were able to find me a car this weekend, purchased it and my father (YAY DAD) will be driving it down to me probably late wednesday night or leave early thursday morning. I'm really excited to see my father and glad that it will break up the monotomy of me sitting around on my ass this week of spring break.
Being as depressed as I am, I'm pretty unmotivated. Corey was getting really down yesterday because he's so desperate to help me, but feeling like he just can't do enough, which makes me feel worse for putting him through this. We've determined that me staying home is NOT a good idea. So we were trying to figure out what to do, and ran through our usual list: wander downtown, going to parks, going to the mall, going to a movie. None of those really worked for me, so I came up with something that had worked for both of us back home. It may seem morbid to some, but it really works for me.
I was already dressed up (I was supposed to do something for Draven's candy store, and never heard from him the day of). We looked up the cemetaries in the area, and chose what turned out to be the historical one of the area. So off we went, wandering around the graveyard, dressed in all black. It was beautiful, and peaceful, with giant old, ornate stones and masoleums, history snipits and beautiful plants. There was also apparently a field trip from a private school going on while we were there.
Here's the one picture I had, Corey has more on his phone because even though I changed my camera batteries, it died.
I'm also glad to show you Corey's finished, first tattoo!
Another few things that have really helped me:
1. Tuesday Corey and I drove to China Town San Fran and met up with my darling friend Acey (yes, the one whose name is on my thigh) and wandered around with her for a few hours. It was fantastic
2. My old friend and trainer at the salon I used to work at the salon, Josh, has been in Chico for work for a few weeks and decided he'd come out and see us. It was great to catch up and see that familiar face. He's the best kind of gay! While Corey was at work, he and I needed to get away from the apartment (ghettoooooo and drama, plus this apartment is lame) and went for a lovely drive around a very peaceful, upperclass area, it reminded us both so much of back home. Now I know where to drive when I want to think.
I'm feeling kind of grungy and Astrid is being a tard. I've only been awake for 10 and a half hours....and have not done much! I think I'll take a shower and curl up in bed and wait for Corey.
Hope you lovelies are having a good weekend
is completely unstable.
The longer Corey lives here (about 6 months now) the angrier he gets, but he adjusts. The longer I stay here, the more I lose my flipping mind. I still really haven't made too many friends (there's the ones I've made from this site that live around here..and the ones I talk to at school but haven't gotten comfortable enough to hang out with them), still no luck on the job....and I just don't FIT here.
I'm counting down the months til Corey and I move back. We leave after here graduates in Dec (luckily the beginning of it). I'm really jealous of Corey...his parents are flying him home for the Easter weekend, mostly so that he can go to his DeMolay lodge's 10 year anniversary. My parents couldn't afford to fly me up, plus I wouldv'e had to either 1. miss class on monday or 2. Miss a lot of easter, the whole reason I wanted to go home. I may have my loan checks and I may have spurlged a bit to begin with, but I don't think I can afford the airfare, with having to pay off my tuition and maybe anything for my new car (that I get THIS WEEK...there's one upside) and helping with rent. I'm jealous that he gets to leave this place, even for just a few days, and I'm also worried about my mental stability. This will be the first time since November that I will have to spend a night (not just one, but 2) without him in our bed. I'm prepared to drug myself for the weekend and just sleep.
Again, the upside is that my parents were able to find me a car this weekend, purchased it and my father (YAY DAD) will be driving it down to me probably late wednesday night or leave early thursday morning. I'm really excited to see my father and glad that it will break up the monotomy of me sitting around on my ass this week of spring break.
Being as depressed as I am, I'm pretty unmotivated. Corey was getting really down yesterday because he's so desperate to help me, but feeling like he just can't do enough, which makes me feel worse for putting him through this. We've determined that me staying home is NOT a good idea. So we were trying to figure out what to do, and ran through our usual list: wander downtown, going to parks, going to the mall, going to a movie. None of those really worked for me, so I came up with something that had worked for both of us back home. It may seem morbid to some, but it really works for me.
I was already dressed up (I was supposed to do something for Draven's candy store, and never heard from him the day of). We looked up the cemetaries in the area, and chose what turned out to be the historical one of the area. So off we went, wandering around the graveyard, dressed in all black. It was beautiful, and peaceful, with giant old, ornate stones and masoleums, history snipits and beautiful plants. There was also apparently a field trip from a private school going on while we were there.
Here's the one picture I had, Corey has more on his phone because even though I changed my camera batteries, it died.
I'm also glad to show you Corey's finished, first tattoo!
Another few things that have really helped me:
1. Tuesday Corey and I drove to China Town San Fran and met up with my darling friend Acey (yes, the one whose name is on my thigh) and wandered around with her for a few hours. It was fantastic
2. My old friend and trainer at the salon I used to work at the salon, Josh, has been in Chico for work for a few weeks and decided he'd come out and see us. It was great to catch up and see that familiar face. He's the best kind of gay! While Corey was at work, he and I needed to get away from the apartment (ghettoooooo and drama, plus this apartment is lame) and went for a lovely drive around a very peaceful, upperclass area, it reminded us both so much of back home. Now I know where to drive when I want to think.
I'm feeling kind of grungy and Astrid is being a tard. I've only been awake for 10 and a half hours....and have not done much! I think I'll take a shower and curl up in bed and wait for Corey.
Hope you lovelies are having a good weekend
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xoxox
Hoping for stability and things falling into place for you! x