Waiting for my breakfast to digest until I head out to the gym so that I won't throw up all over the floor, I pause to write a much delayed entry.
After I finish with the gym today, there are more errands to run, goods to buy, and things to prepare for as a result of E's visit.
* At least three comfortable pillows need to be purchased for the bed the both of us will share. When I was still in DC, my little sister stole my good pillows for her bed when she moved back into my parent's house. I'm going to take a look at a pricier store and if pillows there prove to be a bit too rich for my blood, it's on to Target.
* The engine of my car has been sputtering, which means new spark plugs needs to be bought. Fortunately, plugs aren't terribly expensive, nor terribly difficult to install. I'll get better gas mileage too, which will be a godsend since I'll be driving an old car that isn't terribly fuel efficient. It was built in a time of sustained $1.50 per gallon gas and those times are certainly not our own. A five hour beach trip is going to burn one full tank of gas going down there and one going back up here.
* I can wait until shortly before she arrives on Thursday to clean my bathroom thoroughly, vacuum and clean the inside of my car, prepare a space for her clothes in my closet, and cleaning the carpeted stairs going up to my bedroom.
* The ingredients for the meal I will be preparing for the dinner of first evening she is here can wait until later next week. I know what the main dish will be but I'm not certain what the dessert will be. When I talk to her again, I'll ask her what she'd like.
_________________________
In other matters, the people at the college I teach for finally got in touch with me about training to teach classes for them at the end of June. I was beginning to wonder whether they had completely forgotten about me. After begging me to be an instructor for summer quarter starting back in the wintertime when I was still in DC, you'd have thought I might have been given some advance notice of their process. So yes, I really wish they'd have bothered to give me some relative time frame since they sprang this on me at the last minute, weeks and weeks after I had already made plans with E. Then again, they have never been particularly prompt, nor professional, nor especially courteous about such matters. They don't pay us much of anything and consequently we are treated as such.
The training session needed to learn the e-classroom environment by which I will need to structure my lessons is scheduled to begin on Monday. When I got the e-mail informing me of this last-minute arrangement, I threw a minor fit. Fortunately, after I calmed down, I discovered that I will not need to log in every day and will make a point to get as far ahead as I can so that by the end of the week, when E arrives, I will be able to focus all of my attention squarely on her and not on this silly training class. And I e-mailed them to say that three days of the week after next when we are both at the beach that I will be unable to have access to a computer or to participate in coursework. To their credit, I did receive a prompt reply back stating that they believed that it wouldn't be a problem for me to be away for that length of time and that my training seminar teacher had been informed of the matter via e-mail. The session will last roughly a month from start to finish, but if the one I went through last time is any indication, it won't last nearly that long. Training is a formality for me since I have a good reputation with the school and really is my opportunity to learn the new system so that I can plug my assignments into it and assist my students with how to navigate. Others participating in the same session are candidates for employment and by the end, the trainer will recommend to the school the most suitable teachers, in her professional opinion.
______________________
Aside from all this preparation, I continue to apply for employment in DC and to get frustrated at the net result which has been 700 applications, two interviews, and zero jobs. Yesterday I changed my cover letter and resume to include her apartment (where I will be presumably living once I am firmly settled) rather than the current Alabama address where I am living now temporarily. The hope is that it will make employers already pressed for time by a stampede of applicants won't summarily discount mine because I have an out-of-town address. With time, persistence, trial, and lots of error I have learned subtle ways to tweak how I apply for a job that make me much more likely to get an interview, or, for that matter, noticed in the first place. I've also found a helpful resource. A fellow blogger who writes about workplace issues and has eagerly incorporated the questions I've run across in the process into blog posts. It's a win/win situation. I get a professional reply and due to the strength of the questions, she gets more hits on her site.
If I had to guess as to why I haven't gotten many jobs, it's that the market itself is super-saturated with well-qualified applicants and also that my resume is scattershot and the job experience I've had easily applies to a relatively small number of available jobs. I have been applying to jobs as an Online Publication Content Specialist, which is an emerging occupation and so very very new. It's so new, in fact, that there are around twenty different titles floating around out there to describe the same job with the same basic skill set. As an entity, I know it wasn't even in existence a year ago. In short, corporations and non-profits both want to get in on social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, and the like. They want someone who can write well and they want someone who understands how to blog as well how to network with other bloggers. Furthermore, they want someone who knows a bit about how to construct Web Pages from scratch. It's a hybrid job that pulls in a lot of creative skills, and I have all these talents, but so do many other people. There's really not much I can do about my work history. Several jobs allow one the ability to label oneself as disabled and you can be sure I am always quick to do so. The hope is that any sensible person in charge of reviewing job applications will see my limited work history and link it to my disabled status. Bipolar has worked against me most of my life. The hope is that maybe now it will work for me.
After I finish with the gym today, there are more errands to run, goods to buy, and things to prepare for as a result of E's visit.
* At least three comfortable pillows need to be purchased for the bed the both of us will share. When I was still in DC, my little sister stole my good pillows for her bed when she moved back into my parent's house. I'm going to take a look at a pricier store and if pillows there prove to be a bit too rich for my blood, it's on to Target.
* The engine of my car has been sputtering, which means new spark plugs needs to be bought. Fortunately, plugs aren't terribly expensive, nor terribly difficult to install. I'll get better gas mileage too, which will be a godsend since I'll be driving an old car that isn't terribly fuel efficient. It was built in a time of sustained $1.50 per gallon gas and those times are certainly not our own. A five hour beach trip is going to burn one full tank of gas going down there and one going back up here.
* I can wait until shortly before she arrives on Thursday to clean my bathroom thoroughly, vacuum and clean the inside of my car, prepare a space for her clothes in my closet, and cleaning the carpeted stairs going up to my bedroom.
* The ingredients for the meal I will be preparing for the dinner of first evening she is here can wait until later next week. I know what the main dish will be but I'm not certain what the dessert will be. When I talk to her again, I'll ask her what she'd like.
_________________________
In other matters, the people at the college I teach for finally got in touch with me about training to teach classes for them at the end of June. I was beginning to wonder whether they had completely forgotten about me. After begging me to be an instructor for summer quarter starting back in the wintertime when I was still in DC, you'd have thought I might have been given some advance notice of their process. So yes, I really wish they'd have bothered to give me some relative time frame since they sprang this on me at the last minute, weeks and weeks after I had already made plans with E. Then again, they have never been particularly prompt, nor professional, nor especially courteous about such matters. They don't pay us much of anything and consequently we are treated as such.
The training session needed to learn the e-classroom environment by which I will need to structure my lessons is scheduled to begin on Monday. When I got the e-mail informing me of this last-minute arrangement, I threw a minor fit. Fortunately, after I calmed down, I discovered that I will not need to log in every day and will make a point to get as far ahead as I can so that by the end of the week, when E arrives, I will be able to focus all of my attention squarely on her and not on this silly training class. And I e-mailed them to say that three days of the week after next when we are both at the beach that I will be unable to have access to a computer or to participate in coursework. To their credit, I did receive a prompt reply back stating that they believed that it wouldn't be a problem for me to be away for that length of time and that my training seminar teacher had been informed of the matter via e-mail. The session will last roughly a month from start to finish, but if the one I went through last time is any indication, it won't last nearly that long. Training is a formality for me since I have a good reputation with the school and really is my opportunity to learn the new system so that I can plug my assignments into it and assist my students with how to navigate. Others participating in the same session are candidates for employment and by the end, the trainer will recommend to the school the most suitable teachers, in her professional opinion.
______________________
Aside from all this preparation, I continue to apply for employment in DC and to get frustrated at the net result which has been 700 applications, two interviews, and zero jobs. Yesterday I changed my cover letter and resume to include her apartment (where I will be presumably living once I am firmly settled) rather than the current Alabama address where I am living now temporarily. The hope is that it will make employers already pressed for time by a stampede of applicants won't summarily discount mine because I have an out-of-town address. With time, persistence, trial, and lots of error I have learned subtle ways to tweak how I apply for a job that make me much more likely to get an interview, or, for that matter, noticed in the first place. I've also found a helpful resource. A fellow blogger who writes about workplace issues and has eagerly incorporated the questions I've run across in the process into blog posts. It's a win/win situation. I get a professional reply and due to the strength of the questions, she gets more hits on her site.
If I had to guess as to why I haven't gotten many jobs, it's that the market itself is super-saturated with well-qualified applicants and also that my resume is scattershot and the job experience I've had easily applies to a relatively small number of available jobs. I have been applying to jobs as an Online Publication Content Specialist, which is an emerging occupation and so very very new. It's so new, in fact, that there are around twenty different titles floating around out there to describe the same job with the same basic skill set. As an entity, I know it wasn't even in existence a year ago. In short, corporations and non-profits both want to get in on social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, and the like. They want someone who can write well and they want someone who understands how to blog as well how to network with other bloggers. Furthermore, they want someone who knows a bit about how to construct Web Pages from scratch. It's a hybrid job that pulls in a lot of creative skills, and I have all these talents, but so do many other people. There's really not much I can do about my work history. Several jobs allow one the ability to label oneself as disabled and you can be sure I am always quick to do so. The hope is that any sensible person in charge of reviewing job applications will see my limited work history and link it to my disabled status. Bipolar has worked against me most of my life. The hope is that maybe now it will work for me.
I wish I'd heard of Sarah Haskins sooner.
Sarah Haskins on Birth Control
I tried to get the video to paste into this window, but since it is not a YouTube video, it would not do so. Please pardon the link instead.
______________
There has been so much to do to prepare for E's arrival. In truth, much of it needed to be done well before now. Since I've been watching the dog, there have been tufts of hair and stains from poop and pee in the carpet of every room. This means that yesterday I rented a home carpet cleaner and proceeded to thoroughly clean nearly every room in the place. Most everything majorly labor intensive is done, though there are still a few other smaller matters that need to be fixed. In particularly, the toilet in my bathroom needs a minor repair that I was too overwhelmed yesterday to want to be bothered to do it now. Today, however, I will force myself to get it done.
If I haven't been providing as frequent or as detailed blog posts, it's because I've found myself preoccupied with other things. Jobs hunting still continues to take up most of my time. This morning I am up early because I've got to speak to someone who works at an employment agency in Nova. They usually provide mixed results or jobs well beneath my skills or income needs, but it's worth a try in any case. In this economy, I can't afford to turn down any potential option.
In other news, I've had to kindly and tactfully wrest some of my free time back from E, who is slowly learning that I need a few hours of the day to myself to think my own thoughts. I think eventually she'll come to realize that these moments are where I recharge my batteries as any introvert will tell you himself or herself.
Sarah Haskins on Birth Control
I tried to get the video to paste into this window, but since it is not a YouTube video, it would not do so. Please pardon the link instead.
______________
There has been so much to do to prepare for E's arrival. In truth, much of it needed to be done well before now. Since I've been watching the dog, there have been tufts of hair and stains from poop and pee in the carpet of every room. This means that yesterday I rented a home carpet cleaner and proceeded to thoroughly clean nearly every room in the place. Most everything majorly labor intensive is done, though there are still a few other smaller matters that need to be fixed. In particularly, the toilet in my bathroom needs a minor repair that I was too overwhelmed yesterday to want to be bothered to do it now. Today, however, I will force myself to get it done.
If I haven't been providing as frequent or as detailed blog posts, it's because I've found myself preoccupied with other things. Jobs hunting still continues to take up most of my time. This morning I am up early because I've got to speak to someone who works at an employment agency in Nova. They usually provide mixed results or jobs well beneath my skills or income needs, but it's worth a try in any case. In this economy, I can't afford to turn down any potential option.
In other news, I've had to kindly and tactfully wrest some of my free time back from E, who is slowly learning that I need a few hours of the day to myself to think my own thoughts. I think eventually she'll come to realize that these moments are where I recharge my batteries as any introvert will tell you himself or herself.
When I stepped out of the shower just now, I noticed that four months of daily exercise and weight lifting has resulted in a much more toned body and some serious muscle definition. I was first drawn to the fact because I noticed that I've lost completely the flab around my pecs that looked like borderline male boobs. Now my nipples lie flush against the skin, which is quite a blessing. Taking my shirt off in public was frequently an exercise in extreme self-consciousness and discomfort, and now I have to say I'm not worried at all about what others might say or think.
In two weeks, I'm headed to the beach with Elisabeth and quite conveniently have managed to get myself into a presentable state, though that wasn't the intent of this consistent flurry of exercise. The irony is that I could probably get away with wearing a speedo, too. Not that I will. When I was sixteen I was in much better shape than this because I was forced to practice and run at least a mile every day, but I don't have any desire ever again to get myself into that kind of condition. Even though I make a point to do forty five minutes on the elliptical machine ever day, I am simply not built to be a runner.
In two weeks, I'm headed to the beach with Elisabeth and quite conveniently have managed to get myself into a presentable state, though that wasn't the intent of this consistent flurry of exercise. The irony is that I could probably get away with wearing a speedo, too. Not that I will. When I was sixteen I was in much better shape than this because I was forced to practice and run at least a mile every day, but I don't have any desire ever again to get myself into that kind of condition. Even though I make a point to do forty five minutes on the elliptical machine ever day, I am simply not built to be a runner.
Today must have been, on some psychic level, "Tell-potential-applicants-you've-selected-someone-else-for-the-job" day. I received four of them within an hour. If a person is well-qualified but there are 1000 other applicants, it makes it rather difficult to get the job. That figure boggles my mind. One employer told me that my credentials were some of the most amazing he had ever seen, but that due to the vast volume of other worthy applicants, he had been forced to select someone else. I believe he was telling me the truth, though it is certainly hollow consolation in any case.
If it were my responsibility to select the best qualified candidate, all things being equal, I wouldn't know what criteria to use to select the best of the bunch. One never really knows what goes on behind the scenes and I wonder if I'd really like to know why because I'm sure things like personal bias, rivalry, and pettiness probably are a factor more than they themselves would wish to acknowledge.
So in the meantime, your humble narrator trudges onward in this harsh winter of bad economic times, unemployment, ridiculous competition, and decreased job prospects.
If it were my responsibility to select the best qualified candidate, all things being equal, I wouldn't know what criteria to use to select the best of the bunch. One never really knows what goes on behind the scenes and I wonder if I'd really like to know why because I'm sure things like personal bias, rivalry, and pettiness probably are a factor more than they themselves would wish to acknowledge.
So in the meantime, your humble narrator trudges onward in this harsh winter of bad economic times, unemployment, ridiculous competition, and decreased job prospects.
A new coffee shop/comic book/wiccan craft store has opened up on Southside. This is where I met The Brooke around noon yesterday. In a nervous, self-conscious sort of mood, I browsed the store, wondering if I'd ever need raw Yerba Mate or an expensive scented candle. Out of bored curiosity mostly, I decided to splurge slightly and pay $35 for a thirty-five minute tarot reading.
I have to say that the pronouncement of the cards was dead on, in spite of my skepticism of such things. The overall message could easily be whittle down to say, there are big changes in your life coming, prepare for them, heal yourself, put your insecurities and self-doubt aside, and rise to your fullest potential. In one crucial area, I hope the reading is dead on---it was predicted that in three to four months that I will be completely relocated back to DC. The reason it hasn't happened yet, according to the woman who gave the reading, is that I haven't made peace with myself and peace with Birmingham yet, but that I am moving in that direction.
May it be so.
____________
I'm feeling really sick today, so I'm about to return to bed to rest.
I have to say that the pronouncement of the cards was dead on, in spite of my skepticism of such things. The overall message could easily be whittle down to say, there are big changes in your life coming, prepare for them, heal yourself, put your insecurities and self-doubt aside, and rise to your fullest potential. In one crucial area, I hope the reading is dead on---it was predicted that in three to four months that I will be completely relocated back to DC. The reason it hasn't happened yet, according to the woman who gave the reading, is that I haven't made peace with myself and peace with Birmingham yet, but that I am moving in that direction.
May it be so.
____________
I'm feeling really sick today, so I'm about to return to bed to rest.
Patterns
I saw something of myself in you
Too much, in fact
The way you preened
before a mirror
talked a little too loudly
Projectile vomited
your life story
in the direction
of anyone within earshot
They only rolled their eyes
clucked their tongues
make circular motions
around their temples
when you werent looking
I tried not to notice
the intoxicated swagger
you seemed to mistake
for self-confidence
I never pointed out
the brightly lit stage
you strode upon
was held up by
contradiction and condescension
I knew
that myths and fairy tales
kept your heart beating
Thus I wasnt surprised
to find the death
of your last panacea
covered in your own blood
I saw something of myself in you
Too much, in fact
The way you preened
before a mirror
talked a little too loudly
Projectile vomited
your life story
in the direction
of anyone within earshot
They only rolled their eyes
clucked their tongues
make circular motions
around their temples
when you werent looking
I tried not to notice
the intoxicated swagger
you seemed to mistake
for self-confidence
I never pointed out
the brightly lit stage
you strode upon
was held up by
contradiction and condescension
I knew
that myths and fairy tales
kept your heart beating
Thus I wasnt surprised
to find the death
of your last panacea
covered in your own blood
I decided to call the psychiatrist around noon, knowing that because his new nurse is not very efficient that the soonest I'd get a reply from him would be tomorrow. This is the same nurse I went round and round with for two weeks before my Parnate finally was covered by Medicaid. It didn't used to be that way. The nurse before was very efficient, but already showing the signs of burning out. I know this because she got an attitude with me a few weeks before she was replaced or went elsewhere. I really don't call all that much since I know how to monitor my condition well and I swear that it had been months between calls but still she insinuated with much annoyance in her voice, What do we need to do for you NOW?
Meanwhile, I continue to experience mild depression. I know it's arrived when it takes me extra effort to run errands and I have to shrug off the temptation to sit at home like a bump on a log and do nothing. Not much else to report, I'm afraid.
Enjoy the video.
Meanwhile, I continue to experience mild depression. I know it's arrived when it takes me extra effort to run errands and I have to shrug off the temptation to sit at home like a bump on a log and do nothing. Not much else to report, I'm afraid.
Enjoy the video.
Those of you who know me know that I am not a fan of summer. There are many reasons why, but the main one is that I seem to always hit a depressive episode during that season. Now that summer will soon be upon us, I have been having mood fluctuations in which I have been bouncing back and forth between a stable state and a mild depression. If this keeps up, I'll call the p-doc, though I know precisely what he'll suggest---increase the Parnate. A wise psychiatrist will never increase more than one medication at a time. When I have my next appointment in three weeks, he might consider tweaking the dose of a second med as well. Lithium is tapped out and cannot be increased. Seroquel could be increased, but 600 mg is a awfully high dose and the sedation would counteract the corresponding antidepressant effect. At any rate, I'm going to wait another day or so before I call his office to see if this is a lasting condition or just one of those unexplainable, short-term dips in mood that all of us manic depressives have from time to time.
I took 20 mg extra Parnate this afternoon to see if it made an immediately impact, and I'm glad to see it has. The good thing about Parnate is that if you've been taking it for long enough for it to reach its peak of effectiveness, it doesn't take very long to fully realize the impact of an increase in dosage. What the doctors in DC were telling me while I was up there is that a person ought to be on an MAOI at least a year to get the maximum effect. This situation might be remedied quite easily by taking more Parnate in the summer months and less in the winter months. At least, that's what I hope. A simple solution for once would be very much appreciated.
I took 20 mg extra Parnate this afternoon to see if it made an immediately impact, and I'm glad to see it has. The good thing about Parnate is that if you've been taking it for long enough for it to reach its peak of effectiveness, it doesn't take very long to fully realize the impact of an increase in dosage. What the doctors in DC were telling me while I was up there is that a person ought to be on an MAOI at least a year to get the maximum effect. This situation might be remedied quite easily by taking more Parnate in the summer months and less in the winter months. At least, that's what I hope. A simple solution for once would be very much appreciated.
