So.... it turns out that the task that I thought would be more about waiting and wistfulness is actually a lot harder than I could have ever anticipated!
I can't explain it to anyone (hence why I am writing this on a online blog, where I know only 1 or 2 real life people I know in person can actually see this and even they don't know the man in question) So I must start from the beginning and if you stay to read this..thank you for taking the time to know a bit about my life...
In broad terms, my life is good.It's fucking sweet in fact ( I base this belief on the fact that I am from the west, from the Uk, and I have a job and my own (rented) flat etc.. I am hardly being trafficked in a shop window somewhere..) I am also a positive person who likes to dust myself off and start again in all situations, I also don't suffer fools lightly. Therefore, I believe am a very content person. I wouldn't say balanced but I use my logic enough to cope with most things....and so this is why I am so bamboozled by my current situation. It's actually pretty easy. It's just that your asked to wait for 6 months. To wait for 6 month for someone you really, REALLY like...Easy huh?...Erms, yes! So why is it so hard currently? Mainly for moments like this:
On Tuesday I cried for the first since he went away. I was informed by mother, whom had come to visit me for my birthday (it's today in fact...) that 6 soldiers had died .Their ages where something like: 33, 22.20,20,20,20....They had been over there not much over a week. Before that moment, just that tour period, I am sure they partied, danced, met ladies (or boys!?) and were happy.. if not scared about the adventure that awaited them. Now they are dead.No more.Vamoosh.
Insane
."Why have they died?" people think Like this: A bomb hidden away in the ground and their car drove it.
Do I think It's a waste? NO. Would they think it is a waste ?I cannot answer..
.Anyway,...
So.... it turns out that the task that I thought would be more about waiting and wistfulness is actually a lot harder than I could have ever anticipated!
I can't explain it to anyone (hence why I am writing this on a online blog, where I know only 1 or 2 real life people I know in person can actually see this and even they don't know the man in question) So I must start from the beginning and if you stay to read this..thank you for taking the time to know a bit about my life...
In broad terms, my life is good.It's fucking sweet in fact ( I base this belief on the fact that I am from the west, from the Uk, and I have a job and my own (rented) flat etc.. I am hardly being trafficked in a shop window somewhere..) I am also a positive person who likes to dust myself off and start again in all situations, I also don't suffer fools lightly. Therefore, I believe am a very content person. I wouldn't say balanced but I use my logic enough to cope with most things....and so this is why I am so bamboozled by my current situation. It's actually pretty easy. It's just that your asked to wait for 6 months. To wait for 6 month for someone you really, REALLY like...Easy huh?...Erms, yes! So why is it so hard currently? Mainly for moments like this:
On Tuesday I cried for the first since he went away. I was informed by mother, whom had come to visit me for my birthday (it's today in fact...) that 6 soldiers had died .Their ages where something like: 33, 22.20,20,20,20....They had been over there not much over a week. Before that moment, just that tour period, I am sure they partied, danced, met ladies (or boys!?) and were happy.. if not scared about the adventure that awaited them. Now they are dead.No more.Vamoosh.
Insane
."Why have they died?" people think Like this: A bomb hidden away in the ground and their car drove it.
Do I think It's a waste? NO. Would they think it is a waste ?I cannot answer..
.Anyway, I cried because out there in the big world..whilst I write this..whilst you read this..here were 6 girls like me getting the news I dread.And so I cried for them and today on my birthday I imagine the worst situation ever and I am thankful that I am just imagining it. I send my love to any one going through this.Whoever you are, I send love to you...
Someimes I think about the women/familes on the other side...do they feel the same? I don't think we are so different. I don't really think there are sides.Humans are too messy to ever be that clean cut as much we try to tell ourselves.
This isn't mean't to be a sad blog. I am just thinking about things. I am happy. The world is a bad place and if people didn't endeavour to be happy, what would there to be worth fighting for?
Love love xxx
I can't explain it to anyone (hence why I am writing this on a online blog, where I know only 1 or 2 real life people I know in person can actually see this and even they don't know the man in question) So I must start from the beginning and if you stay to read this..thank you for taking the time to know a bit about my life...
In broad terms, my life is good.It's fucking sweet in fact ( I base this belief on the fact that I am from the west, from the Uk, and I have a job and my own (rented) flat etc.. I am hardly being trafficked in a shop window somewhere..) I am also a positive person who likes to dust myself off and start again in all situations, I also don't suffer fools lightly. Therefore, I believe am a very content person. I wouldn't say balanced but I use my logic enough to cope with most things....and so this is why I am so bamboozled by my current situation. It's actually pretty easy. It's just that your asked to wait for 6 months. To wait for 6 month for someone you really, REALLY like...Easy huh?...Erms, yes! So why is it so hard currently? Mainly for moments like this:
On Tuesday I cried for the first since he went away. I was informed by mother, whom had come to visit me for my birthday (it's today in fact...) that 6 soldiers had died .Their ages where something like: 33, 22.20,20,20,20....They had been over there not much over a week. Before that moment, just that tour period, I am sure they partied, danced, met ladies (or boys!?) and were happy.. if not scared about the adventure that awaited them. Now they are dead.No more.Vamoosh.
Insane
."Why have they died?" people think Like this: A bomb hidden away in the ground and their car drove it.
Do I think It's a waste? NO. Would they think it is a waste ?I cannot answer..
.Anyway,...