I'm back bitches.....
Been a long while, been unemployed for a year & half. Missed all the nakid fun that I'll have to make-up for. Talk at ya later....;}
Lol Boots...hit me up here too, add friend
http://www.myspace.com/officialpageoftheboots
myspace
Been a long while, been unemployed for a year & half. Missed all the nakid fun that I'll have to make-up for. Talk at ya later....;}
Lol Boots...hit me up here too, add friend
http://www.myspace.com/officialpageoftheboots
myspace
SUBJECT: HOW TO DUMP A MAN / WOMAN
Dear____________________________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. / Mrs. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason's you were disqualified from the competition.
I've checked those that apply...
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___ The fact that our dining experiences to date has left my pocket a little lighter, and your pants a little tighter.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy contraceptives / condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, I.E., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___ Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck problem from trying to kiss you.
___ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___ I find your inability to cook / fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals to me an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase " My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your EX... lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I'm seeking in a long-term partner.
___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
___ I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
___ I am not impressed with your ability to catch squirrels and other small wildlife with your hair.
___ Backing up to the fire in order to fart in the hope that you will actually create some explosion is not a quality i find amusing.. unless you actually succeeded!!!!!!!!
Sincerely______________________________________
(sign name here)
Feel free to add to the list, let me know....
BOOTS......
Dear____________________________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. / Mrs. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason's you were disqualified from the competition.
I've checked those that apply...
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___ The fact that our dining experiences to date has left my pocket a little lighter, and your pants a little tighter.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy contraceptives / condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, I.E., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___ Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck problem from trying to kiss you.
___ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___ I find your inability to cook / fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals to me an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase " My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents.
___ Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your EX... lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___ Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I'm seeking in a long-term partner.
___ Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
___ I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
___ I am not impressed with your ability to catch squirrels and other small wildlife with your hair.
___ Backing up to the fire in order to fart in the hope that you will actually create some explosion is not a quality i find amusing.. unless you actually succeeded!!!!!!!!
Sincerely______________________________________
(sign name here)
Feel free to add to the list, let me know....
BOOTS......I need suggestions...
Just got a new kitten & can't put a finger on just the right name. Had to put my dear friend bandit to sleep after 13yrs...
These are the names, "Casper" was his adopted ame when we got him. I rattled off "Smokey" when I had a few. And "Shadow" came to mind which kindda fits him...
Help me out & give me others if ya got them, they're in the kitty folder.
BOOTS...
Just got a new kitten & can't put a finger on just the right name. Had to put my dear friend bandit to sleep after 13yrs...
These are the names, "Casper" was his adopted ame when we got him. I rattled off "Smokey" when I had a few. And "Shadow" came to mind which kindda fits him...
Help me out & give me others if ya got them, they're in the kitty folder.
BOOTS...
EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.
A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water..
A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting
hit on.
A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.
An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.
A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.
A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a
man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying!
Pass these on to both male and female
friends of yours so that they can have a chuckle too.
LOVE BOOTS.......
ADD SOME IF YA LIKE.................
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.
A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water..
A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting
hit on.
A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.
An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.
A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.
A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a
man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying!
Pass these on to both male and female
friends of yours so that they can have a chuckle too.
LOVE BOOTS.......
ADD SOME IF YA LIKE.................
EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.
A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water..
A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting
hit on.
A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.
An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.
A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.
A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a
man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying!
Pass these on to both male and female
friends of yours so that they can have a chuckle too.
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.
A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's the hot air part.
Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water..
A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting
hit on.
A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.
An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.
A Hammer is Male , because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.
A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male , didn't you? But consider this - it gives a
man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he
doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he
keeps trying!
Pass these on to both male and female
friends of yours so that they can have a chuckle too.
Modern Version of the Birds & Bees
A little boy approaches his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?" The father replies, "Well son, I guess one day you will find out anyway. Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via email with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little pop-up appeared that said: 'You got Male'."
A little boy approaches his father and asks, "Daddy, how was I born?" The father replies, "Well son, I guess one day you will find out anyway. Your mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via email with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little pop-up appeared that said: 'You got Male'."
Here's to strong women: may we know them, may we raise them, may we be them!
The lady who wrote this letter is Pam Foster of Pamela Foster and Associates in Atlanta. She's been in business since 1980 doing Interior design and home planning. She recently wrote the following Letter to a family member serving in Iraq ....... Check it out!
WHAT'S ALL OF THE FUSS?
"Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001?
Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from Our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing Death that day, or didn't they?
And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated" when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all.
I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.
I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime In Saudi Arabia.
I'll care when Abu Musab al-Zarqawi tells the world he is sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling, slashed throat.
I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.
I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.
I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave Marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this:
I don't care.
When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college hazing incident, rest assured that I don't care.
When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank that I don't care.
When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," You can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts that I don't care.
And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and ---- you got it, I DON'T CARE!
If you agree with this view point, pass this on to all your e-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this Ridiculous behavior! If you don't agree, then by all means hit the Delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country.
"If you can read this, Thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English, Thank a veteran.
SEMPER FIDELIS...
BOOTS...
The lady who wrote this letter is Pam Foster of Pamela Foster and Associates in Atlanta. She's been in business since 1980 doing Interior design and home planning. She recently wrote the following Letter to a family member serving in Iraq ....... Check it out!
WHAT'S ALL OF THE FUSS?
"Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001?
Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from Our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing Death that day, or didn't they?
And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated" when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all.
I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.
I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime In Saudi Arabia.
I'll care when Abu Musab al-Zarqawi tells the world he is sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling, slashed throat.
I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.
I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.
I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave Marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this:
I don't care.
When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college hazing incident, rest assured that I don't care.
When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank that I don't care.
When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," You can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts that I don't care.
And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" and other times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and ---- you got it, I DON'T CARE!
If you agree with this view point, pass this on to all your e-mail friends. Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this Ridiculous behavior! If you don't agree, then by all means hit the Delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great country.
"If you can read this, Thank a teacher!
If you are reading it in English, Thank a veteran.
SEMPER FIDELIS...
BOOTS...
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches, but the bad news is that it will require castration." He continued, "You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove your testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person, he could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know? "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years". Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
New suit $ 400.00 New shirt - $ 36.00 New underwear $ 6.00
Second Opinion? - "PRICELESS"
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person, he could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see...size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know? "Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years". Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
New suit $ 400.00 New shirt - $ 36.00 New underwear $ 6.00
Second Opinion? - "PRICELESS"
forward from liza
__________________________________________________
I have no idea if Andy Rooney really wrote this, but its cool anyways
=======================================
The last line is GREAT!
This is for all you girls 30 years and over.... and for those who are
turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's...AND
for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!...
This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.
Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are
just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,
"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman
over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining
about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually
something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,
what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30
give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if
you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can
get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30
couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows
her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 30. They always know.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true
of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is
far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and
honest.
They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like
one!
You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman
of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free". Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize
it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage
__________________________________________________
I have no idea if Andy Rooney really wrote this, but its cool anyways
=======================================
The last line is GREAT!
This is for all you girls 30 years and over.... and for those who are
turning 30, and for those who are scared of moving into their 30's...AND
for guys who are scared of girls over 30!!!!...
This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.
Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are
just a few reasons why:
A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,
"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a woman
over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining
about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually
something more interesting.
A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,
what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30
give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you
at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if
you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can
get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what
it's like to be unappreciated.
A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women
friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 30
couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows
her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a
woman over 30. They always know.
A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true
of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is
far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and
honest.
They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like
one!
You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately,
it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman
of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of
himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free". Here's an update for you.
Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize
it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage
Booty Call Application
THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
This Booty Call Agreement (hereafter referred to herein as the agreement) is entered into as of the______ Day of _________, 2006, between _______________ and ____________.
1.No sleeping over
2.No meeting in public places
3.No calls before 5pm
4.None of that "love making stuff
5.No emotional discussions (ex. Where is this heading!)?
6.No plans made in advance. Thats why there called "backup"
7.No non sexual gifts (Altoids not included)
8.No baby talk (however Dirty talk is encouraged)
9.No asking for comparison from former lovers( in fact no conversation is encouraged)
10.No kissing (to intimate)
11.No calling each other "friends with benefits"(we are not friends and will never be)
12.Calling out the wrong name during sex is perfectly OK (phrases such as HONESTLY I WAS THINKING ABOUT "Nikki Cox/ Johnny Depp" are totally acceptable)
13.No extra clothing (I dont want you leaving anything my real woman/man can find!)
14.No guilt about falling asleep right after sex
15.Dont be offended if I dont ask you if you enjoyed it (I dont care) and dont ask me! Ill get mine you get yours.
16.We hook up whenever the mood strikes
Extra tip for successful Booty Calls
The above mentioned rules may not be altered for any reason whatsoever. If any party attempts to alter any part of this agreement, this will automatically become null and void and the parties hereto will have no further obligations with arising out of the subject matter hereof.
Signed___________________________ Date _________
Signed___________________________ Date__________
APPLICATION FOR A BOOTY CALL
Name_________________ Address________________
City_________________________ State_______
Zip Code________
Age______ Phone ( ) ______________
SS# ______________ Dentures _____
Height ____ Weight ____ Waist (in inches) ____
Chest/Bra Size ________
Married ___ Single ___ Divorced ___ * Answer only 1*
Are Breast/Balls real _________ Do you like them sucked ____
Squeezed_______ Other________
Explain _____________________________
Cock/Pussy (dont lie) Small_____ Medium _____ Large______ Wow_______
Can you stay out late? ____ All night____ Several days_____
Do you like to be screwed? _____ How often____
Do you like oral sex? ____ Give ____ Receive____
Do you like anal Sex? ____ How about 69? ____
Do you prefer: 1 no 1____ 2 on 1 ____ Group ____
Football Team ____
While Screwing, do you: Faint____Hum? ____ Scream ____Fart ____
Cry?____ Moan ____ Sweat ____ Just Lie there ____
Go to sleep ____ Read the Paper ____ Whistle____
Think of some one else____ All of the above ____
List 3 positions you like best:
1._________________________________
2._________________________________
3._________________________________
When you cum do you: wiggle? ____ Wobble? ____ Twist ______
Jerk? ____ Pant? ____ Scream? ____ Cry? ____
Other? _______ Or do you just hump like hell_____
Method of Screwing preferred: fast____ slow____ all night____
How many times? ____ Comments _____________________
If you have screwed before give references ( not family members)
Name____________________________
Address__________________________
City _____________ State __________ Zip Code _____________
Name____________________________
Address__________________________
City _____________ State __________ Zip Code _____________
Name____________________________
Address__________________________
City _____________ State __________ Zip Code _____________
If application is approved what are the charges:
Free____ Per Hour____ Per Weekend ____
Per Week ____ Other ____
A special note pertaining to Oral sex.
Are you a spitter_____ A swallower _______
If application is approved, A 6-week orientation course will be required!
Applicants signature ___________________________
Date _________________
BOOTS....
THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
This Booty Call Agreement (hereafter referred to herein as the agreement) is entered into as of the______ Day of _________, 2006, between _______________ and ____________.
1.No sleeping over
2.No meeting in public places
3.No calls before 5pm
4.None of that "love making stuff
5.No emotional discussions (ex. Where is this heading!)?
6.No plans made in advance. Thats why there called "backup"
7.No non sexual gifts (Altoids not included)
8.No baby talk (however Dirty talk is encouraged)
9.No asking for comparison from former lovers( in fact no conversation is encouraged)
10.No kissing (to intimate)
11.No calling each other "friends with benefits"(we are not friends and will never be)
12.Calling out the wrong name during sex is perfectly OK (phrases such as HONESTLY I WAS THINKING ABOUT "Nikki Cox/ Johnny Depp" are totally acceptable)
13.No extra clothing (I dont want you leaving anything my real woman/man can find!)
14.No guilt about falling asleep right after sex
15.Dont be offended if I dont ask you if you enjoyed it (I dont care) and dont ask me! Ill get mine you get yours.
16.We hook up whenever the mood strikes
Extra tip for successful Booty Calls
The above mentioned rules may not be altered for any reason whatsoever. If any party attempts to alter any part of this agreement, this will automatically become null and void and the parties hereto will have no further obligations with arising out of the subject matter hereof.
Signed___________________________ Date _________
Signed___________________________ Date__________
APPLICATION FOR A BOOTY CALL
Name_________________ Address________________
City_________________________ State_______
Zip Code________
Age______ Phone ( ) ______________
SS# ______________ Dentures _____
Height ____ Weight ____ Waist (in inches) ____
Chest/Bra Size ________
Married ___ Single ___ Divorced ___ * Answer only 1*
Are Breast/Balls real _________ Do you like them sucked ____
Squeezed_______ Other________
Explain _____________________________
Cock/Pussy (dont lie) Small_____ Medium _____ Large______ Wow_______
Can you stay out late? ____ All night____ Several days_____
Do you like to be screwed? _____ How often____
Do you like oral sex? ____ Give ____ Receive____
Do you like anal Sex? ____ How about 69? ____
Do you prefer: 1 no 1____ 2 on 1 ____ Group ____
Football Team ____
While Screwing, do you: Faint____Hum? ____ Scream ____Fart ____
Cry?____ Moan ____ Sweat ____ Just Lie there ____
Go to sleep ____ Read the Paper ____ Whistle____
Think of some one else____ All of the above ____
List 3 positions you like best:
1._________________________________
2._________________________________
3._________________________________
When you cum do you: wiggle? ____ Wobble? ____ Twist ______
Jerk? ____ Pant? ____ Scream? ____ Cry? ____
Other? _______ Or do you just hump like hell_____
Method of Screwing preferred: fast____ slow____ all night____
How many times? ____ Comments _____________________
If you have screwed before give references ( not family members)
Name____________________________
Address__________________________
City _____________ State __________ Zip Code _____________
Name____________________________
Address__________________________
City _____________ State __________ Zip Code _____________
Name____________________________
Address__________________________
City _____________ State __________ Zip Code _____________
If application is approved what are the charges:
Free____ Per Hour____ Per Weekend ____
Per Week ____ Other ____
A special note pertaining to Oral sex.
Are you a spitter_____ A swallower _______
If application is approved, A 6-week orientation course will be required!
Applicants signature ___________________________
Date _________________
BOOTS....
OCTOBER 2008
SEPTEMBER 2008
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AUGUST 2008
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JULY 2008
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