much to read much to catch up
Sooooooo I do believe we have found the reason of why this entire year has been a waste. Why I have felt just sick for no reason sick. I have had a tooth ache. I went to the dentist for a check up, one I have been putting off for a year or so because I was broke, and it seems I broke a tooth or it corrode to this point of whatever. I think it happen when my nerve collapsed on my right hand. My beauty tips kinda fell flat along with brushing my teeth. (kiss any one?) So it seems my tooth exploded and I have been fighting off an infection. I go for a root canal this Monday and hopefully I will be back to my assholic self. It was funny because the Dentist kept asking if my tooth hurt and I kept telling him no. This is the reason why I never knew I had a bad tooth. Dude did you not see the list of drugs I am on? Why did I bother to fill out that form if you are not even going to read it? Funny things in life's little worlds.
In other news I bought (to be read in a "Price is Right" voice) A NEW CAR A 2009 Scion XB. I love it. I needed more room then the truck had to offer. Look in my pics folder.
I start back school at Pellissippi this Fall and for the first time in my College years I have a schedule that actually works. It involves no magic in order to get to class on time. In takes no miracles to allow time to do work. I am looking forward to this.
Well I just hope the root canal gives me Nitrous. The good stuff. Let's get something good out of this. I am just glad the penicillin is making such a difference. It has been almost a year since I have felt this good.I was beginning to get really scared. I was sleeping way to much and a whole year of my life has passed me by almost. Oh-well at least I got it together in time to go to skool......


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Removd By th ThoughtPolice


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these songs I once sang to you... and now I know the truth (see below)

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so many scars on this sordid heart
so I build higher walls and they keep breaking through
so many lies fell from this slipping tongue
I cut to tastebuds and the truths taste like salt
so many secrets fell to these deaf hears
translating into feelings I can not feel
is this is how we wanted this?
is this what we became?
through all this broken glass
will we ever love again?
sometimes the best wounds are the shallow ones
sometimes the dullest knife will cut the deepest.
I wanted to more than anything
to die happily with you
I need now just to die
and realize we are through............


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(over and out)



------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SMASHING PUMPKINS

Luna

What moonsongs
Do you sing your babies?
What sunshine do you bring?

Who belongs
Who decides who's crazy
Who rights wrongs where others cling?

I'll sing for you
If you want me to
I'll give to you
And it's a chance I'll have to take
And it's a chance I'll have to break

I go along
Just because I'm lazy
I go along to be with you

And those moonsongs
That you sing your babies
Will be the songs to see you through

I'll hear your song
If you want me to
I'll sing along
And it's a chance I'll have to take
And it's a chance I'll have to break

I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

I'm in love with you
So in love
I'm in love with you
With you
I'm in love with you

I'm in love with you
So in love
I'm in love with you
I'm
I'm so in love
I'm in love with you

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mayonaise

Fool enough to almost be it
Cool enough to not quite see it
Doomed
Pick your pockets full of sorrow
And run away with me tomorrow
June

Well try and ease the pain
But somehow well feel the same
Well, no one knows
Where our secrets go

I send a heart to all my dearies
When your life is so, so dreary
Dream
Im rumored to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream

And I fail
But when I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

Mother weep the years Im missing
All our time cant be given
Back
Shut my mouth and strike the demons
That cursed you and your reasons
Out of hand and out of season
Out of love and out of feeling
So bad

When I can, I will
Words defy the plan
When I can, I will

Fool enough to almost be it
And cool enough to not quite see it
And old enough to always feel this
Always old, Ill always feel this

No more promise no more sorrow
No longer will I follow
Can anybody hear me
I just want to be me
When I can, I will
Try to understand
That when I can, I will

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Soma

Nothing left to say
And all I've left to do
Is run away
From you
And she led me on, down
With secrets I can't keep

Close your eyes and sleep
Don't wait up for me
Hush now don't you speak
To me

Wrapped my hurt in you
And took my shelter in that pain
The opiate of blame
Is your broken heart, your heart

Soma, I'm all by myself
As I've always felt
I'll betray my tears
To anyone caught in our ruse of fools

One last kiss for me...yeah
One last kiss good night

Didn't want to lose you once again
Didn't want to be your friend
Fulfilled a promise made of tin
And crawled back to you

I'm all by myself
As I've always felt
I'll betray myself
To anyone, lost, anyone but you

So let the sadness come again
On that you can depend on me, yeah
Until the bitter, bitter end of the world, yeah
When god sleeps in bliss

And I'm all by myself
As I've always felt
And I'll betray myself
To anyone


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I opened a letter it was sealed for years. full of information and poetry most dear. I spilled out the letters and commas, the sentences, and the periods, all fell to the floor. The question Marks hooked the edges of the envelope afraid of what they may find. The exclamation screamed so loud the glass shattered and cut into my eye. Fragments of blisters and the periods look amused. I have never seen the letters assemble into truth. They end in single file but the fragments were of no use. I am appalled at the accusation, the call to infect the band. I am sorrowful and intentional and on a pile of words I stand....

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sometimes the best medicine is time
sometimes the worst illness is time gone by
I stand in the shadows of the moon lite night and I know you see this too
the sky is so cold tonight in the middle of July
the moon reflects of Autumn yet is "Summertime Rolls"
the paleness of your skin
the smells
the touch
all of these things haunt me to this day
some days I know it is your fault
some days I only have myself to blame
this is how the Summer died
This is the Winter I have known
How is this journey to be replaced?
the shadows of the empire
of the lie I once knew
the mirror of the movements
reflecting the instant dislodge
this has to be the worse feeling in the world
letting go of the flesh
yet holding on to the pain
I am not sure if I ever want to lose this
because this pain is the only thing left of you
I do not think you realize what this meant to me
and I never will realize it as well
Today I stand on the edge of a building
I always have known I could fly
it is so beautiful from up here
and it is the last thing before I die
there has to be a meaningless intervention
and new wave technology
till the tired fulfilled
it is always
wait and see

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Current mood (FTW)

-------------------------------
Nirvana

You Know You're Right
I will never bother you
I will never promise to
I will never follow you
I will never bother you

Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good

I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this

Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail

Pain
You know you're right

I'm so warm and calm inside
I no longer have to hide
Let's talk about someone else
Steaming soup begins to melt

Nothing really bothers her
She just wants to love himself
I will move away from here
You won't be afraid of fear
No thought was put into this
I always knew it would come to this

Things have never been so swell
I have never failed to fail

Pain
You know you're right

-------------------------------------------------------------------

It does not bother me but it should. However it should not bother me but it does
No solid house can be built on a jealous foundation
it will always crumble, it will always fail.
the smoke screen will be watered down so she can see
when the firefighters put the fire out
when the house is built on mistrust and dishonesty
this will always fail.
this is the first of I have mentioned this
I never speak of her
somehow she has managed to etch herself into this
and it will always fail.
this song mentioned above
fits the disclosure of the truth
testifying in a court of law
I will deny it all
nothing can be built on me
nothing can rely on me
here it is
as you wish
your mentioned forethought
in my world of bliss
congratulations you have made it here
this is everything perfect and queer. (strange just making that clear)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

back to me and who this is
I am the one sitting to myself
analyzing the room
picking out the annoying
looking for the few
sunless innovation
the winter time rules
this is who I thought I was
with a bullet through and through
I wish to travel see the world
I wish to notice see the sun
I wish to walk when the night has begun
the moon and the stars I give to you
when I see them at night I only think of you

---------------------------------------------------------------

you can never claim the earth, when you only hold a stone



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(current still FTW and FU2)

Me and Bobby McGee

Sometimes I think I should have been born in the Sixties
the political upheaval of that time seems to fit my actions and rage of today
I still can not believe we are being spied on or I am sorry (protected by)
our own country
I am still appalled
plus the music was better in that time
I woke this morning with the song, sung by Janis Joplin
Me and Bobby McGee

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, and nothing is all that Bobby left me"

Damn I say.
I have a vow when I wake to a song in my head then I must play it.
I must hear the entire tune through and through
and through and through I cried.
I had forgotten how sad that song is
and how sad it makes me feel
and how close to home the song
the song hits a nerve
perhaps the nerve that tortures me
some days never end
some moments are forever lived into my head

"I would trade all of my tomorrows for one single yesterday"

damn.


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I am going off the grid for awhile. Not that I will be missed, but bye for now.........

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junkies and kisses

This is how a junkie meditates
I realized today without Insurance
I have a 1600.00 dollar a month habit
This is twice as much as my apartment in ATL
Yet 1600x's as much money as I have now
I am curious if the doctors discover I am broke
if the will come break my legs and knock me further down
I am now stuck at home
pride keeps me here
I am to poor to go anywhere
and I am not allowed to drive there if I could afford it
pride keeps me here
I went to Knoxville yesterday with my Mom
We rode down Kingston Pike and I looked into the windows of the home you wanted to own
I am not sure if you remember this, but you said you wanted to live in this home
When I would go visit you at school we would leave for coffee and drive by the house with the ivy growing up the side, and the rod irons patios exiting from each window
The ivy has been removed but the iron curtains are still there
I am not sure if you remember this but I do



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CCR and How I feel about OUR War

Some folks are born made to wave the flag,
Ooh, they're red, white and blue.
And when the band plays "Hail to the chief",
Ooh, they point the cannon at you, Lord,

It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senator's son, son.
It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one, no,

Yeah!
Some folks are born silver spoon in hand,
Lord, don't they help themselves, oh.
But when the taxman comes to the door,
Lord, the house looks like a rummage sale, yes,

It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no millionaire's son, no.
It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one, no.

Some folks inherit star spangled eyes,
Ooh, they send you down to war, Lord,
And when you ask them, "How much should we give?"
Ooh, they only answer More! more! more! yoh,

It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no military son, son.
It ain't me, it ain't me; I ain't no fortunate one, one.

It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate one, no no no,
It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no fortunate son, no no no


Taken from
http://www.creedence-online.net/lyrics/fortunate_son.php


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